Raising Adopted Children, Revised Edition. Practical Reassuring Advice for Every Adoptive Parent

Editorial Review

In this completely revised and updated edition of Raising Adopted Children, Lois Melina, editor of Adopted Children newsletter and the mother of two children by adoption, draws on the latest research in psychology,sociology, and medicine to guide parents through all stages of their child's development. Melina addresses the pressing adoption issues of today, such as open adoption, international adoption, and transracial adoption, and answers parents' most frequently asked questions, such as:

How will my child "bond" or form attachments to me?
When and how should I tell my child that he was adopted?
What should schools be told about my child?
Will adoption make adolescent upheavals more complicated?

Up-to-date, sensitive, and clear, Raising Adopted Children is the definitive resource for all adoptive parents and concerned professionals.

"Raising Adopted Children is a comprehensive source of practical, reassuring advice and intelligent support for the adoptive parent. [It is also an] excellent professional resource for social workers, physicians, teachers, therapists, and others working with adopted children and their parents."
--North American Council on Adoptable Children

Customer Reviews

Raising Adopted Children, Revised Edition: Practical Reassuring Advice for Every Adoptive Parent

2008-08-04
It is a good book but not really what I needed. It is geared mostly towards infant adoption, both internationally and domestically.

Practical Advice

2008-07-22
Good practical advice to set teh worried adoptive parent at eae about a lot of things.

Worth skimming not reading

2008-06-09
Deep into the adoption process we are hungry for information on what our adventure in child-rearing will be like because of going with an adopted child. If you are in that position this book is worth skimming but not worth reading. It is a very dry book which would work better as a website where key topics are identified and you can skip to the parts of interest to you. Or rewrite it as a simple list of topics with 2 sentences under each ("oh I wonder how my adopted kids will react to X").

Reading this book from cover to cover, on the other hand, will leave you feeling like every aspect of life is a potential threat to the mental health of your child. It took all my strength not to throw the book in the trash when the authors talked about the issues the adopted child might have dealing with seeing the baby Jesus at Christmas time. There is a point where simply outlining every possible source of stress may not be helpful. This book likely reaches that point. It's not that these things can't possibly be stressful but it feels like this book may be giving equal weight to every possibility. In many cases it feels like what is being shared are merely anecdotes which feel as solid as if a coworker said, "I heard on the internet that...."

The book is probably good to have around during stressful times when you might want to find, in writing, proof that others have had these issues, too. And for that reason I can't be too critical of the book. It's reference pages also are very good. But this is a text not a book- a collection of thoughts rather than a well thought out guide for parents.

A MUST READ

2008-02-13
As an adoption specialist for 20 years, I always recommend reading this book before, during and after adoption. Not everything applies to everyone, but on a whole, it gives the best and most accurate information about the adoption process. Just like any "manual" on how to do something, there are parts that won't be for you or about you. Take what you can from the book. Keep it on your nightstand and in years to come you will want to refer to it. I call it the "Dr. Spock of Adoption". Not every scenario about adoptive children will happen to your child, but when one does, you will be more prepared. She must discuss all the potential issues. There have been many books written since Lois wrote that book, but it is still one of the best. Make it part of your adoption library, along with some others.

The more things change

2008-02-01
Be fair. Social conventions have changed markedly in the 20-plus years since this book was first published. So it's natural that the author would not have written all her chapters in quite the same voice she might have used in a new book, issued in 2008.

Despite its age and shortcomings, however, this book has numerous useful sections from which adoptive parents (and ultimately, their children) can benefit.

The chapter on Attachment, for example, is quite interesting and helpful--particularly considering the medical community's lack of awareness on attachment disorder, which frequently affects adopted children. As noted here, "both learning disabilities and conduct disorders can be signs of an unattached child," as can short attention span and poor impulse control. To this day, many psychologists are unaware of these basic facts. This book can help bring them up to speed.

Another beneficial chapter is "Talking with Children About Adoption." Citing adoption expert Betty Jean Lifton, the book notes, "instead of worrying about the right time to start talking about adoption, parents should be concerned about setting the right tone." Allow the adopted child to express his or her doubts, fears, questions and fantasies. Sympathize, listen, let the child express their grief, and redirect their fantasies when they are completely off track.

If the child thinks their birth parent lived in a castle and rejected them for their looks, obviously they need more information about the true circumstances. Parents can say, (for example) "We don't know much. But we do know your birth parents were young, and could not keep you safe."

There are also excellent details about medical histories, and what to do in the cases of suspected mental or genetic disorders in the biological families. These problems can be detected, and treated.

Informational, Yet Flawed

2005-10-14

How will my child "bond" or form attachments to me?
When and how should I tell my child that he was adopted?
What should schools be told about my child?
Will adoption make adolescent upheavals more complicated?

Up-to-date, sensitive, and clear, Raising Adopted Children is the definitive resource for all adoptive parents and concerned professionals.

"Melina, an adoptive parent, writes both sensibly and sensitively on many critical issues faced by parents and their adopted children from infancy through adolescence."
--Booklist

The number one book to get! 2005-07-31
We are in the process of getting our home study done thru Lutheran Social Services and this is one of the "required reading" books. It is far better than any book I've purchased on adoption on my own. It takes you through every scenario. It's realistic and practical. It's also easy to read.

Disappointing. 2005-05-18
Like the other posters, I too was given this book as part of our homestudy for adopting a child from China. After reading the first chapter I found myself insulted. This book assumes all who read it are adopting because they cannot get pregnant, which is not my case. While infertility is something that should not be ignored, and I appreciate the fact that most adoption books I read address the matter, this book would have been much more respectable if it did not direct its text to the reader as a person who cannot conceive. I was so insulted that I returned the book to my social worker with these concerns.

Helpful 2005-03-14
My husband and I found this book invaluable in raising our son. There is so much information that you need to know: from dealing with varied emotions to working with your child's teachers and peers and helping them relate to the world. Should definitely be a required book for all parents of adopted children.

Excellent and should be required for prospective adoptives 2004-09-30
So many adoptive parents lose sight of the fact that adoption exists to provide loving homes for children, NOT to provide them, an infertile couple, with a child. Even the happiest adopted child, in the very best of circumstances, will have certain issues throughout their life and their parents should be prepared to deal with these and answer questions. For far too long adoption has been a secretive practice and everyone has assumed that the process itself ended when the court papers were signed. It's a lifetime adjustment and education like this will help ease the concerns of all three members of the adoption triad - birthparents, adoptives, and adoptees. How I wish my adoptive parents had had something like this to read. They did so many insensitive things that were so hurtful. Should be required reading for everyone planning to adopt.