I'm
Not
Mad, I Just Hate You!. A New Understanding of Mother Daughter Conflict

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Books: I'm Not Mad, I Just Hate You!. A New Understanding of Mother Daughter Conflict

I'm Not Mad, I Just Hate You!. A New Understanding of Mother Daughter Conflict

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Manufacturer: Penguin (Non-Classics)
Author: Roni Cohen-Sandler
Binding: Paperback
Publication Date: 2000-03-01
Publisher: Penguin (Non-Classics)
Label: Penguin (Non-Classics)
Number Of Pages: 288

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Editorial Review
Almost without exception, the teen years are tumultuous for both girls and their mothers. Teen girls, who are socialized to stifle their anger and avoid confrontation, frequently take out their frustration on their mothers as the only safe and available targets. The good news is that with patience and the right guidance, mothers can transform the teenage years into positive ones and enrich the mother- daughter relationship. "I'm Not Mad, I Just Hate You!" combines the expertise of a clinical psychologist (who has worked with women and adolescent girls for more than twenty years) with that of a senior editor at a leading teen magazine. The book demonstrates how mother-daughter friction during adolescence, managed creatively, empowers girls by teaching them invaluable skills and can even foster intimacy. Discussion of social, emotional, cultural, and psychological issues is interwoven with the voices of mothers and daughters in case studies that are illuminating and reassuring. In the wake of widely popular books exposing the perils adolescent girls face, "I'm Not Mad, I Just Hate You!" provides mothers with much-needed practical strategies to help their daughters grow into emotionally healthy and capable adults. At the same time, women will encourage loving and lifelong connections with their daughters.
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Customer Reviews

No, I'm not going crazy! 2000-12-20
I thought I going was nuts, not knowing how to parent my pre-teen. At last, a book to let me know I was not going crazy by myself, that it is perfectly normal what we are going through, why I as the mom am the target and spring board for her growing up. It also gives ideas on how to rethink parenting, your responses to issues. It shows why "I" the mom am the only one, cuz I'm the closest one to her, that she is 'experimenting with life' off of. I don't feel so alone, I'm okay, and can see why I get the backwash, and the testing. I highly recommend this book to other moms and also dads too, so they can understand the battle while they watch from the sidelines.


best book re teenage girls 2000-03-08
At a time when I was ready to give up on being a mother till my teen "grew up", this book was a godsend. My feelings of desperation, confusion, loss, and wondering where I went wrong were all validated. I have already started trying techniques recommended. Even if it doesn't change my daughter, my perception has changed so that I'm better able to cope. Very readable (not a bunch of jargon) I'd recommend it to any mother of a teenage girl. The only reason I didn't give 5 stars was because there were no illustrations. Of course, as an adult I don't have to have them, but I like them. Sometimes a well-placed cartoon helps to illustrate a point. It may be the authors thought illustrations are inappropriate for their book.


Good News For Mothers and Daughters 1999-12-06
This work is an interesting and practical guide on how to maange the highs and lows of mother/daughter relationships. Cohen-Sandler and Silver not only offer valuable insights into the sensitive realtionship between mothers and teenage daughters, but they also present specific how-to's for building and maintaining a healthy relationship. This book begins by asking mothers to examine their own strengths and weaknesses in their role as parent and mentor. Next, the reader journeys through the characteristics of the teenage girl in today's society. Mothers are then given specific advice on how to handle numerous crises. The authors reassure us that conflict does not have to be a bad thing, as long as it is managed in a postive way. Although the book is very readable, the early chapters challenge the readers patience. The authors relate stories of several mothers and their daughters. However, they separate the stories in two different chapters. Although I understood their reasoning for focusing on the mothers and daughters in individual chapters, I found it tiresome to flip back and forth between the chapters to remind myself which mother was connected to which daughter. This book is a valuable read and I recommend it to both mothers and daughters who wish to remain actively engaged in one of the most influential relationships of their lives.


Just what the doctor ordered to stay sane! 1999-10-18
It's comforting to know I'm not the only mom who has tumbled off her pedestal.Intuitively I may have known my daughter's adolescence would cause bumps in the road, but I had not anticipated many of her (and my!!) insensitive reactions. The book greatly helps to keep things in perspective.


How to Listen to Your Teen 2008-02-18
The title of the book is a grabber for most parents who think their child is defiant, manipulative or out-of-control. Many parents at this stage are feeling a little bit desperate, or a lot. They'll read anything that offers them hope and a way out of conflict.

I read it because I wanted to find out if I could recommend it to parents, and I can. Tough love doesn't work. Trust and deep listening does. Each acting out, the author shows, is a cry for help and this book throws you BOTH a lifeline.

Alexia Parks, [...] author of An American Gulag, Secret P.O.W. Camps for Teens.


NOT ANOTHER FIX THE MOTHER BOOK!!! 2008-02-03
Very catching title, I will admit that but the book does not deliver. The book gives you tons of ways to fix yourself ( the mom) to make yourself better understand, take abuse, forgive, forget, relax, take a bath, etc. Granted when your daughter screams "I hate you" its fine to walk away and take a nice bath. But, when your daughter is in this century we all know things are much worse. Teenage girls are cutting themselves, doing hard drugs, having sex in middle school, running away, and much more. This book is too naive for the real world. The book is out of date and wastes your money telling the mom to not take anything personally. I don't know about you--but after 7 years of verbal abuse I just might take some of it personally.


What a relief! 2007-03-28
This past summer my husband and I were devastated with our 16 yr old daughter's sudden behavior change. It was horrible. I went on Amazon to try and find some books on parenting teens in today's day and found this one. What a relief! As I was reading the case studies I cried, I swore they were some of my experiences word for word. If anything this book gave me comfort in knowing that I was not crazy and I was not alone. It also gave examples of the appropriate way to respond to different situations(in addition to counseling and a lot of praying). I've since recommended this book to our pastor and two other mothers who had sudden similar experiences. This is a must read for any mother with a teenage daughter!


highly recommended for parents of teen girls 2006-06-03
I really learned alot from this book & plan on reading it again. It helped me adjust my parenting techniques with my 13 year old daughter and also made me feel better about myself. I have told many people to read this book, it is very well written and really helps a parent with the adolecent girl.


Great advice if your kids perfect already! 2003-02-18
I wouldn't have bought this book if I wasn't dealing with a VERY defiant, and manipulative teenage daughter--so when this book assumes that I can just say the right thing and everything will be fine, is an absolute joke! This advice would be great if it worked as simply as the book says. But if you already have a tough kid, these tips are NOT going to suddenly make her see the logic in my rules. Kids don't care about the explaination of why it's wrong to dress trashy or wear too much makeup...they want what they want. This book assumes that your kid obeys you in the first place! The title really drew me in--I thought that I had finally found a book that understood what I am going through. But it's just another below-average parenting book with a catchy title!

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