Sacred Influence. How God Uses Wives to Shape the Souls of Their Husbands

Customer Reviews

Transformational!!!

2007-09-28
Rather than me attempting to express the depth of insight and wisdom in this book, I decided that Gary Thomas speaking for himself would serve the purpose. The rest of this review comes straight from "Sacred Influence" to your screen :)

Quoted from "Sacred Influence" by Gary Thomas:

"How is God using your marriage to teach you how to love?

When you find yourself in a difficult marriage, or in a basically good marriage with one particular issue that grates on you, you can be sure that God wants to mature you as you face this problem with strength, courage, dignity, and biblical wisdom. God could of course speak the word and your problem would be solved- voila! But that's not how God usually works. He allows us to face issues that may terrify us and make us feel completely inadequate- he may even walk us through our deepest fears- so that we can grow in him.

The Bible is adamant about this. Spiritual growth takes place by persevering through difficult times

...

The good news is that you and God are in this together. He knew, even before he created you, who you'd marry. And he will continue to give you the tools you need to become the person he's called you to be and to do the work he's created you to do within your current relationship. God would never leave you alone in any situation: "He will never leave you nor forsake you" (Deut 31:6). Even if you married a non-Christian, God's grace is sufficient for you. You cannot dig a hole so deep that it cuts you off from God's provision, care, and life-giving strength....

That's the message I want to communicate: you and God are in this together, and he's beginning your marriage makeover with you. Let him transform you as you seek to move your husband. While you may never achieve the results you have in mind, you can- without question- change the equation of your marriage by remodeling yourself. It begins with understanding, perhaps for the first time, the glory of being a godly woman and acting with the strength of a godly woman who understands she was created in the image of God, forgiven of her sins through the work of Jesus Christ, and gifted and empowered by God's Holy Spirit to live the life God has called her to live...

By courageously facing up to the challenges that every marriage faces, and by letting God change you in the process, something wonderful takes place- the formation of a new woman, fully alive to God, who can take the lessons she learns at home and apply them everywhere else.

'We can't guarantee success in this war, but we can do something better. We can deserve it.'"

Slightly stereotypical, but good

2007-09-02
Gary Thomas is brave to write a book for wives from a male perspective and he does a fairly good job, in my opinion. There are spots where he makes generalizations and the examples of couples he uses are on the sweet and simple side, but he makes some good points. We are either making a good marriage by degrees or tearing one down by degrees. Our identity is in Christ, not our marital status.
I preferred "Sacred Marriage" over "Sacred Influence" by Thomas, but this one did make a good book for a discussion group of wives in my church.

Spectacular!

2007-07-23
This is definitely worth reading! I wish every married (or soon to be married) woman would read this. Gary Thomas writes TO women, not just at them or for them. I felt very understood and was excited to alter my behavior during and after reading this.I also learned a ton about men in general...and i've been married for 14 years so i am not "new" at this. I am so encouraged! This isn't 5 easy steps to change your man, but a challenge and call to change yourself...the ONLY one you CAN change. The blessing that comes in your marriage from your personal growth is a bonus! It gives great advise from a man's point of view. Isn't that what we all need since we are so different from men? He is caring and respectful but plain and easy to understand. I hope you enjoy it as much as i have. Since i have read this and Sacred Marriage i have gone on to read Gary's other book The Glorious Pursuit...another winner!

Good book, very helpful; some drawbacks

2007-06-08
I must first and formost admit that this is was a very difficult book for me to read. The TRUTH presented in it hit home like a tone of bricks! I really appreciate Mr. Thomas's point of view and I really like that this book is written from a man's point of view. I really feel like God has chosen me to do a good work in my husband's life. This book has helped me see how I have not been cooperating with God in being a Godly influence to my husband. Here's the thing: I'm not sure I would recommend this book for women who are being neglected or emotionally/physically abused by their husband. Women in this position are in a very delicate state and need to be built up in God and receive a stronger foundation in Him before being able to take a look at themselves throught the lens of this book. There are elements in this book that may inadvertently reinforce a woman's belief that her mistreatment is her doing and her responsibility. A woman's abuse at the hands of her husband is his choice and his choice ALONE. There are so many woman out there who need to be empowered FIRST, before one is able to pick apart their roles in their abusive relationships. There needs to be a greater awareness of this issue and it needs to be addressed more openly in books that deal with the woman's role in the marriage.

Although there was a chapter on husbands who are unsaved, it was not adequate. This kind of union has different needs from a christian union and I felt that this book did not provide this different perspective.

Another bad taste that was left in my mouth after all this was that in my readings of so many of the Christian lit on marriage (including this one), men seem to not be held accountable for ungodly behavior as much as women. Despite this very valuable point of view from Mr. Thomas, it lacks any kind of idea that men should be held accountable for the mistreatment of their wives.

I gave this book four stars because I feel like despite it's drawbacks it has helped me realize that by honoring my husband I'm really honoring God. It is God who requires me to be a good wife to my husband and that fact is paramount to whatever self-centered feelings I may have toward my marriage and my husband. This book defintely helps you to realize how you can be the wife God wants you to be.

The best of its kind!

2007-02-26
Of all the marriage books written, Sacred Marriage (for couples) and Sacred Influence (for women) are the best and most realistic. After 30 years of marriage, these two books have significantly helped my marriage to reach a level of love, respect and contentment that none of the other counsels on marriage have. I've given these to both of my children to get them started off right. Even my mother said she wishes she'd had this book years ago.

One of the best books I've ever read

2008-06-11
I've read a lot of marriage/relationship books, including Sacred Marriage (which I also loved), but this has got to be one of the very best. Not only does Gary Thomas review important concepts about Christian wifehood, but he also gives practical examples/advice without sounding like a 5-step program. Reading it REALLY opened my eyes to ways that I was not handling situations in the best way to help/influence my husband, and also ways that I was still expecting him to think/act like a woman, which is totally unfair. Thomas also helped me understand what my husband was REALLY saying when he said certain things and what he was feeling, and why.

I've only had this book for a week, but I'm almost done with it and can already see how applying the principles is helping me and my husband's relationship. I would recommend it to any wife or engaged woman.

Sacred Influence: How God Uses Wives to Shape the Souls of Their Husbands

2008-05-22
This book is very effective and is a great tool in the hands of God for shaping wives. Thanks much!

Every wife should read this one!

2008-03-03
This book is by far the best book I have ever read for wives! Gary Thomas has an amazing ability to see marriage through the eyes of a woman. Whether you are single or married this book will have an intense impact on how you view your mate. Every woman should read this book!

Beautifully Written

2007-10-21
Thomas delivers lessons about marriage that are simple but not easy. His writing is crisp and fluid. Throughout the book, he provides a message that is simple to understand but not easy to live by. And, ultimately, it is a message that married women of God are required to obey. It isn't easy but it is possible to live as a godly woman, the woman Thomas describes in his book, when we surrender to the will of God.

Very helpful male perspective, 4.5 stars

2007-10-07
This book is a great tool! It helps one identify the ways they might be plowing their field upside down. Developing charity is tough. It takes incredible humility and Gary Thomas has some motivating methods for stirring up our resolve. So, 4.5 stars?

The book has one major controversy. Midway through the book Thomas admits this change in direction by bringing up Madame de Pompadour as a chief model of how to influence one's husband. Only Pompadour uses that influence on the king INSTEAD of her husband. Madame de Pompadour is actually a character one might want to avoid modeling their life after. She, a married woman with 2 children, chose to go and seduce the king of France and crush her husband rather than hold to the principles that would have kept her less famous, yet building her marriage. She became a master of intrigue who won for herself pompous titles and honors of land and a royal burial, but she was just the main course in a continuous buffet of infidelity, never mind what happened to her broken family. She did little more than what any power hungry, spiritually undeveloped woman, fearful to maintain illegitimate ties, might do.

So read that section with blinders off. His point for bringing her up is weak, but it does come across. Treat your husband (except in the case of Madame de Pompedour, conquest) like a king and you will, more likely than not, be blessed for it. Thankfully, Thomas mentions that model within marriage is still a position of subservience if used as a tool of manipulation. Submissiveness is an entirely different thing. It is done with confidence in Christ's love while subservience is not.

If you can get through that pot hole, the rest of the book does stay on track regarding submissiveness and its role in the salvation of one's family. This is mainly in regards to attitude.

Besides this there are some excellent points in Mr. Thomas' book regarding the role of hormones, such as oxytocin, and how they are used in a man's body to bond him to his wife.

This is a good read. The section on Madame de Pompadour is awkward, but Gary does use other righteous examples of women who secured for themselves splendid honor in their marriages. There is just less of a prominent focus on them because their racy side is left veiled to the public as it should be. Through them he makes a good point: it is an exceptional woman who comprehends her potential in the role that God outlines for her AND, after reading his book, you do come out flipped back over properly and plowing right side up.