Customer Reviews
Unique and Special Approach 
2008-07-20
This book is aimed at individuals that have not had success with the typical "forgive and all is better" approach to failed, strained or toxic relationships. The truth, however frustrating, is that one individual cannot change another- they can only change themselves. Forgiveness is important, but when it is not enough to rectify a relationship, one needs to be able to come to terms with how to move past the guilt and responsibility that inevitably comes. As the daughter of a mother who suffered from mental illness, no matter how often I forgave or allowed toxic behavior, I had to come to terms with the woman for whom being a mother was just not possible. This book single handedly saved me, although sadly not the relationship.
When You And Your Mother Can't Be Friends 
2008-06-14
This is not a very good book in terms of a tool to work through a difficult relationship between a mother and a daughter. I gave it three stars in that is is written well and is an easy read. I did not however find the advise I was looking for to enhance my relationship with my daughter. I would not recommend this book.
Not really about relashionships 
2008-06-13
I didn't like the book. It is focused on biased descriptions of some kind of "typical" mother-characters and I would expect serious analysis of a person's relashionship with their mother. It seems like the book assumes you'll read these "typical" descriptions, find the one that "matches" and this alone will miraculously solve your problem.
Great Book for Learning about our Mothers! 2007-07-24
I read this book the day I received it in the mail (which was only two days after I had ordered it, by the way)! It was like reading about my life and my dealings with my mother. This book pinpoints the different ways mothers destructively rear their children. There are tons of real-life examples from women the author has interviewed. There is a section that explains why our mothers treat their children so badly. It shows who the children will become when they are adults if they do not fix their own emotional problems. I am going to treasure this book for a long time! I am loaning it to my older sister, who has the same problems with our mother. I think the two most important things I took from this book were: understanding why my mom is the way she is (because of her own childhood), and why my siblings and I do not get along very well (because our mother pitted us against each other, feeding off of our dysfunction and unhappiness). I think that I have a better understanding of how to repair my relationship with my siblings, but I don't know if I ever will repair it with my mother, even though the book does have some good ideas on how to still have at least some kind of a relationship in the end.
GREAT BOOK TO READ!!!!!!!
"Why can't she accept me the way I am?" 2007-05-01
This was an illuminating book that helped me straighten out my perspectives with relation to my mother. No matter that my mother was a very independent woman for her generation (post-Victorian) who worked most of her life, defying many stereotypes, she had real difficulties maneuvering a marriage and a child. A controller-suffocator, martyr, and frequent critic, the impact of these traits subsided when we kept a big distance between each other. But, then came the choice to desert her when she needed long-term assistance, or to try exercise my adult autonomy while I managed her care. I took on the challenge of helping her in her with her needs, as well as to challenge her to finally accept "the real me." We still had heated arguments, but I persisted in being authentic, while understanding more of her motives, thanks to this book. It made me think about my own qualities, too, realize how well I had survived my childhood! Reading this is a good way to see how your own difficulties with your mother relate to others, sometimes better or worse.
E. A. Davis, author, Waiting for Wings: Accompanying a Parent to the Edge of Life
When You and Your Mother Can't Be Friends: Resolving the Most Complicated Relationship of Your Life 2007-04-02
I found this book invaluable. I read this book as if it were fiction. Each night I couldn't wait to read it. I was so relieved to hear about real life stories of other women with awful relationships with their mothers.
I found this book to be very helpful for sorting out disfunctional childhoods. For me, all the chaos was finally nice and neatly outlined and I could put everything in a box and store it away or even burn the box if I wanted. But the greatest part of all was the classification of the different ways mothers and daughters behave. All the craziness and random bad fellings finally had ownership and names. A great book for sorting every thing out.
I would recommend this book to anybody with issues with their Mothers form light to heavy, this book covers it all. Fabulous!
If you're not a boomer, this may not be for you 2007-03-20
I am a part of Gen X (or the MTV generation depending on who you ask) and a lot of the information in this book is geared towards having been raised by a woman who considered a woman's place to be in the home. If you, like me, were raised by a woman who taught you to be all you can be, to stay independent, and who otherwise did not meet the stereotypes portrayed in this book, then it may not be for you.
This book is one of the best investments I have made in my life! 2007-02-14
I have been in therapy for several years now, but this book recaptured for me the key issues in my life and personal growth, and I can truly say that it has immensely speeded up my recovery process! I have read a vast number of self-help books on emotional unavailability, intimacy, etc. over the years, but no other book has ever struck a chord in me like this one did! For anyone with less than a perfect mother (although the author addresses daughters, I think that the book can equally benefit male readers), it is an absolute must-read, a stunning eye-opener. It makes you truly feel that you are an individual adult who has his/her own voice and is capable of standing on his/her own feet no matter how critical, overwhelming or unloving the parents. It not only gives hope but offers highly useful tools for recovering the long-forgotten and deeply buried self inside each one of us! It really gives you a reason to get up from bed every morning!!!
When You and Your Mother Can't Be Friends: Resolving the Most Complicated Relationship of Your Life 2006-07-28
This book is insightful and revealing. It will help you understand things that you were never able to understand before. It bravely and honestly addresses the "mommy taboo", and gives you the freedom you need to resolve the past and move on with your life.
excellent source to confirm my thoughts! I'm not crazy 2005-03-15
My mom is the classic 'Critic' and I responded just as I should. I broke off communications with my mother because she controlled too much of my life and is only out for herself. My worst fears, that there is nothing I can do nor is it because of anything I have done. Page 106&107 especially related to me and my mother. I now know I must wait for her to clear her demons from her childhood for her to have any peace and therefore any chance at a healthy relationship with me and my family. Please read this book if your mother makes you feel guilty for any reason..even if she doesn't mean to or not know she is doing it.. the answer is here...maybe you can fix your 'little' problem before it becomes 'big' like mine.
