Stop Negotiating With Your Teen. Strategies for Parenting Your Angry, Manipulative, Moody, or Depressed Adolescent

Customer Reviews

That's my son you're talking about!

2007-01-18
On the advice of my best friend (to whom I have confided my child-rearing problems for over 25 years) I bought the book - Stop Negotiating With Your Teen:Strategies for Parenting Your Angry, Manipulative, Moody or Depressed Adolescent. I did so because my teen/adult son (age 20) is all of the above. I really liked the author's writing style. She mixed real-life cases with some clear cut behavior advice as well as behavior styles the teen may use. Boy, was I surprised to learn that my son was manipulating me and that I was letting him. It was a big eye-opener for me. I heavily relied on parts of the book that I read and re-read that really applied to our situation. Each time we had an encounter I could then more clearly draw upon the author's experience and the behaviors she wanted to encourage - both my son's and mine. I can tell you it has made a difference. A particularly nasty exchange that would have left me totally defeated was instead turned into a real chance for communication because of what I learned in this book. I would highly recommend this to anyone regardless of the age or managability of your teen. I have already loaned the book to a good friend who has a teenage daughter with an anger problem and she found it so valuable. A very good resource!

Gentle reminder for common sense

2007-01-07
If you are looking at this book, my heart goes out to you. This book doeesn't offer much in the way of a guideline, although has some nice stories that will make you feel like you're not going crazy. My real advice to you, after years of counseling, books, and true anguish of a mother, is to keep it simple. If your teen is depressed or struggling, they are not ready to respond to adult logic or reasoning. (That is why you are arguing all the time!) They need your love and compassion, but they also need consistency and consequences commensurate with their choices of actions. Pick your "must have's"...for example, must have no surliness at dinner? (That's reasonable! Especially if you have younger kids!) Surly at dinner? No cell phone or IM-ing for the rest of the evening. Don't tell them "why", or give them the platitude of "we're trying to love you, to show you, to blah blah blah"...they TRULY DON'T CARE why. Instead, make a list of choices, and their consequences...and then consistently apply them without arguing (by the way, there is no answer to "why are you doing this to me?")...end the tears, arguments and discussions. Keep it simple...your teen has enough mind games, uncertainty, pressure, frustration and communication issues at school. You should be the place where they know how it will end up, which is support, love, conveniences of home, and they also know how their choices will affect those rewards! And finally, don't blame yourself. Your teens depression and angst is a result of much, much more than the decisions you made in the past. It is what it is, and give them consistency, no arguing, and love to get through what the present is, not the past. My prayers to you and your family.

Good Strategies, but a bit too Adversarial

2006-05-26
This book had some good tools for parents to use, but it seemed a little too negative. It tended to treat teens like a foreign enemy that cannot be possibly understood, and must be strongarmed into good behavior. A better book, in my opinion, is "52 Ways to Protect Your Teen" by Susie Vanderlip. This book takes a more positive, love-based angle and teaches us to remember what it was like for us to be a teenager all those years ago. I think that is a way better approach to building a stronger relationship with a teenage child. This book is unfortunately no longer available from Amazon, but can be purchased at www.waystoprotect.com .

Likable read- no direct skills

2006-04-07
I thought this book would offer more in the way to make changes in your home, instead it is a nice narrative of people who have been helped by the author. I prefer a direct "how to" approach, and this was not it - very disappointing. Gregory Bodenhammer has two books on this topic that are more direct, concise and to the point. I found that "Back in Control" and "Parent in Control" had a lot of useable information.

Stop Negotiating With Your Teenb: Strategies for Parenting Your Angry, Manipulative, Moody, or Depressed Adolescent

2006-03-16
I am working toward a M.A. Degree in Marriage, Family and Child Counseling. I am also a single parent with a teenage son. Dr. Edgette's book provides excellent insight for those of us with a permissive parenting style.

Very Helpfull

2008-05-23
Very helpful. I borrowed this from the library and after reading the 1st three chapters decided to buy a copy for reference. Kids are challenging and this book is something you will refer to again and again.

Very useful information. Great insights.

2008-04-14
This book is set up in a way that presents real-life situations and how to handle them. It is a great teaching tool for me to understand better my 13 year old and what he's going through. It has helped me realize that I can better help him by not letting him get away with bad behavior because I am too lazy/overwhelmed/compassionate. This is a recurrent theme through the book that parents today are not helping their kids by not letting them suffer consequences of their own actions. Make your kids want something more than you want it for them and they will learn valuable lessons.

Empowerment and Respect

2007-07-21
This book is fantastic. I have spent the last ten years learning how to raise a very, very difficult child/teen. Much of what I learned in expensive therapy and specialist programs is covered in Edgette's book - and more effectively than in any of the many, many other books I've read. Stop Negotiating with Your Teen is concise and easy to understand. Edgette has a thorough understanding of these kids and the challenges they present. She doesn't try and create a standardised perfect parent. Instead she offers a practical, common sense approach to parenting that empowers parents to parent as leaders. She also helps parents to help their difficult teen make better choices. Siblings and parents alike benefit from the ensuing changes. Everyone in the family wins.

Helpful, Useful Information

2007-07-12
I was an angry, manipulative, moody and depressed adolescent--in fact I wrote about it in my book, CONFESSIONS OF A CATHOLIC SCHOOLGIRL by Michelle Kane.

This book has some outstanding strategies that may have worked if my parents paid enough attention to me and stopped fighting with each other long enough to try some of them.

Stop Negotiating with Your Teen

2007-06-11
Great book.... I would highly recommend this book for those parents who are at their wits end. This book offers great examples. I have used some of the suggestions in my own home setting.