Customer Reviews
A GREAT HELP 
2008-09-05
I found this book to be a great help for me when my relationship ended recently. The author puts things so clearly and logically; it was easy to follow her thoughts. I was surprised to find my situation so well described, often in sections of the book I hadnt thought would relate to me. I recommend this book to people who are unsure, but also to people like me who have already made up their mind but need a bit of reaasurance.
Finally...a concise, logical, tool 
2008-07-25
"Am I throwing the baby out with the bath water?" That question was keeping me awake nights. Let's face it, whether to end it or stay will impact every, single day for the rest of your life. You wouldn't be reading this book if you weren't having serious relationship problems, but let's be honest, you wouldn't be confused if the relationship were 100% bad. I think it is natural to think of most decisions as a weight scale with the good things on one side and the bad things on the other and try to figure out whether the bad is more than 50%. This book helped me understand that the balance scale approach is flawed. Once I realized that each person has their own list of "musts" and "core values" which must be present for sustained hapiness in a relationship and that when any "must have" is missing, it's best to leave---I got it. You know truth when you hear it and this is right. You cannot "fix" or "change" fundamental core traits in a mate...anymore than they can fix or change fundamental core traits in us. You can "fix" things like housekeeping skills, or schedule more time together, or go to parenting classes, but you can't realistically change many core elements of another person. They either have what you require, or they don't. If they don't, you're just making yourself and them miserable trying to change them, and you have little if no chance of being able to do so long-term. This book is pure logic, and it allowed me to determine how to make a logical decision that I would never worry about 2nd guessing later. I am not a strong-willed person by nature. I tend to make many decisions based on emotions. I am a "pleaser" who has a hard time saying "No." Without having read this book, I would still likely be wasting my life trying to "fix" the unfixable. This book gave me the understanding I needed to make a decision I understood was necessary and right for both of us. It gave me the resolve to hold firm with a healthy decision. Three years later, I am in a healthy relationship with a man I have no interest in changing or fixing. I thought all relationships had to be "hard work" and even emotionally painful at times. I was wrong. Once this book laid out the traits a life partner must have, I was able to spot traits that made me turn and run and also helped me spot a mate who had everything I needed. I think without this book, I might have dismissed him and not have recognized what an incredible person he is. I was married this year, and could not be happier. I attribute my strength in leaving the unhealthy relationship and the knowledge needed to spot and select a healthy relationship in large part to this book. Warning: do not read this book if you really want to stay in a bad relationship and wallow in self-pity.
Everyone Should Read This Book 2008-04-14
Last summer I found out my husband was having an affair with a woman I considered my best friend. We've been trying to put our marriage back together, but as you can imagine it has not been an easy process. I love my husband deeply despite the affair, and I know he loves me, but with all the pain and damage between us it's hard to know what to do.
Recently, it had all begun to seem hopeless. All we do is fight. My days became consumed with wondering if I'd be better off just ending the marriage now. Then this weekend I was in the bookstore and came across this book. I spent the entire weekend reading it. This book is so helpful! It showed me that despite our problems, my marriage is still too good to leave. Underneath all the pain we're inflicting on each other currently, our marriage is still alive. There is a solid foundation that, if we can tap into it, should be able to get us through this.
This book also identified for me IN CLEAR TERMS exactly where our problems are coming from! And it made it clear to me that if we do not fix these problems, then this marriage WILL be too bad to stay in. But for now, there is still hope.
This book has given me exactly what I needed. Now I'm not wasting so much time thinking about leaving, when I could be investing that energy in making the marriage better. And now I know what line to draw in the sand to tell myself how I'll know if and when to leave.
I can't believe this book isn't more famous! Everyone should read this book! I wish I'd read it BEFORE my marriage got to the point where my husband had an affair. We could have saved ourselves years of pain and therapy!
A Must Have if you are headed for divorce/marriage in shambles 2008-04-03
My best friend from college is headed towards divorce - as a friend - you want to help her - but what do I know about being married and having five kids - zilch. My cousin is having marital problems and mentioned this book - she said it was great. I remembered it - and I sent it to her hoping it would shed some light on a very painful subject. I got a txt from her a mere few days later telling me SHE LOVES THE BOOK!!! She said it is so immensely helpful, which coincidentally mirrored my cousins sentiments - it really makes you weigh both sides.
So while I can't personally say I know this books value - two people that I love very much - on two different coasts - LOVE IT! Order it now!
No more ambivalence 2008-02-08
There are many reasons to consider leaving or staying in a relationship. If you want to take a serious look at what is happening in yours, read this book, work through the guidelines and use the tools presented. Being ambivalent about what you want to do is destructive to you, personally. This book gives you the ability to make a decision (one way or the other) that is based on your honest answers. Glad I bought the book, glad I worked through it (not once, but twice), and I would recommend this to anyone seeking clarity.
Chilling Drama 2008-01-25
Drawing on case studies, a psychotherapist offers guidelines to help singles and spouses decide whether to leave a relationship or whether enough good remains to make it worth working through conflicts. Reprint."
Phenomenal Read! - A True Relationship Dianostic Analysis 2008-01-13
For the sake of brevity, I will describe this book and it's impact in just a few sentences and with a limited set of adjectives.
How I describe this book:
Informative, enlightening, inspirational, candid, comprehensive, and extremely beneficial.
My take-away from the book:
This book is the single most comprehensive resource for making a decision when at the crossroad of a relationship. I have found better clarity through reading this book, working through the exercises, and cogitating the lessons learned from each section.
Not only does this book allow one to take an honest, laser-focus look at their partner but it also enables the reader to introspect and take a close look at themselves and the relationship as a whole. It provides the equivalent of a physician's pre-operative and post-operative patient workup.
Whenever in doubt, reach for this book and you will discover your best next steps. You will obtain the resolution and peace that is necessary to move forward. In addition to my faith, this book has been my guiding light. It is the "relationship North Star".
Enjoy and the best of luck to all. May you find the inspiration, clarity, and strength to live your best life.
Great for sorting it out and being proactive 2007-12-27
If you haven't read the book, then you cannot rate it! Yes, alot of people in troubled relationships are going to read books on relationships, so maybe they just learned what the already knew. People in great relationships aren't the type of people reading/reviewing this type of book (hence the reason for so many falling to one side).
This book is not anything new or profound, many other noted marriage counselors (ie. Dr. Gottman) have these very same principles which are based on decades of RESEARCH and real life scenarios. It is very easy to read and explains everything in such a way that I enjoyed the book tremendously. No stone is left unturned, and I didn't think it would get to the issues I am having in my relationship (which it did!) It goes into detail about certain acts/behaviors which can ruin relationships. It also explains why certain things are good and can really save a relationship, just as things that are damaging and can really ruin a person's self esteem.
If you have any of the "too bad to stays" you could always bring them up with your partner and show them why it's too bad for you and see what their reactions is. Though one of the "bads" itself is if your partner cannot recognize the very things that make it too bad for your to stay, you are happiest if you leave. They may not even see it and that is a problem in itself. Or you are left feeling stupid or inadequate for even having this "problem" because your spouse constantly makes you feel that way for even wanting to bring it up. That is a "too bad to stay" right there! If you cannot even bring up important things what good is it even being in a relationship?
I don't feel this book persuades a reader to either leave or stay. In fact Mira's "deal" with you the reader is to not act upon what is being told, but rather to really process it, discuss it with a marriage counselor, search inside your heart. Don't follow the book blindly, that is not why she wrote it.
There are 35 questions to go over, each one going into detail so that the reader will not confuse or be unsure of the issue, complete with example scenarios too. For example, there's the issues of disrespect, but she goes over what is normal disrespect and each relationship will have some degree of that. Then she goes into what is the really bad disrespect and why it is so bad (damages your self worth and self esteem for one!)
All in all, great book to sort it all out, actually understand why it is good or is bad, rather than just having a generally "yucky" feeling about your relationship. I bet if more people in healthy marriages were to read this they would feel empowered that they do have it good and work even harder to keep it that way!
correlation from reading the comments 
2007-12-19
I have not read the book but read through the comments. It seems to me that MOST of the ones giving HIGH stars to the book are people that left their relationship and seem to have wanted to leave the relationship prior to reading the book. While, the ones giving LOW stars are those that stayed and wanted to stay prior to reading the book. Just going by that I would say, not a very good book if you are TRULY open to either staying or leaving, only if you are leaning toward leaving.
Step by Painful Step 2007-12-05
Helps to clarify what people should really look at in a relationship, love really is blind!
