Editorial Review
This important and compassionate new book from the creator of the successful God Allows U-Turns series will help parents and grandparents of the many adult children who continue to make life painful for their loved ones.
Writing from firsthand experience, Allison identifies the lies that kept her, and ultimately her son in bondage—and how she overcame them. Additional real life stories from other parents are woven through the text.
A tough–love book to help readers cope with dysfunctional adult children, Setting Boundaries with Your Adult Children will empower families by offering hope and healing through S.A.N.I.T.Y.—a six–step program to help parents regain control in their homes and in their lives.
- S = STOP Enabling, STOP Blaming Yourself, and STOP the Flow of Money
- A = Assemble a Support Group
- N = Nip Excuses in the Bud
- I = Implement Rules/Boundaries
- T = Trust Your Instincts
- Y = Yield Everything to God
Foreword by Carol Kent (When I Lay My Isaac Down)
Cached date: AWS Called=true
Customer Reviews
Best advice on the subject out there! Wow! 
2008-04-21
There are many, many helpful non-fiction books in this world to choose from, but this is one that every parent MUST read. It's incredibly well-written and interesting, and the examples are excellent. Since I've worked with dysfunctional people and families for twenty years as a social worker, I can testify that Allison knows what she is talking about. She's obviously poured her heart and soul into this book in order to help families, and I've not found better advice out there for people who have adult children than is mentioned here. In fact, I brought it to church with me to a Bible study as I was reading it. People were checking it out because everyone knows someone who has an adult child who has torn their parents' hearts out by the way they live their lives. The awesome thing about this book is that the advice will actually work, painful as it will be. It's scripturally sound advice. Allison makes an impressive case as you'll see when you read the book.
There is even a benefit to reading this book while your kids are still young, or teenagers. They don't have to be fully grown children for you to benefit as a reader. Why? Because you can stop destructive patterns BEFORE you let them destroy your children. I've pondered some things about my own parenting style as a result of this book and it's sparked some great discussions with my husband. We are doing a lot of things right, but there are always ways to improve. Like making sure your own childhood deficits don't interfere with what God is trying to work in your child's life. My boys are 15 and 16 and Setting Boundaries for Your Adult Children has actually helped me with some decisions I need to make as they grow older. I feel so much more equipped. Bless Allison for opening her heart and making herself vulnerable for the sake of the ministry God has given her. This book is a winner!
Poignant life lessons 2008-04-08
In her writing, Allison Bottkke doesn't hold back about the pain of the personal struggles with her adult son. She shares her story and process - taking the reader from enabling patterns of behavior, through letting go of old attitudes, toward a system of tough love. Her 6-step program provides a useful structure and very practical ideas.
Allison demonstrates repeatedly how easy it is to remain in a state of denial and accept an adult child's manipulations. But by creating new goals, an action plan and the determination to follow through, real change is possible. Allison clearly shows, throughout this valuable book, how strong faith and learning to set firm limits can profoundly change your life.
A Much-Needed Book! 2008-04-03
From the first gut-wrenching chapter to the last page of resources, this book is powerful. I am confident it will change lives and families forever. Instead of vague concepts, the Sanity Support six-step program gives parents concrete steps for setting boundaries with their adult children. Allison, thank you for the practical advice, not only from your own experience, but from the pages of God's Word.
WOW! what a God-send! 2008-04-02
My 22 year old son is still living at home and is basically a good guy, but this book opened my eyes to some things I was doing that are very DESTRUCTIVE. Allison's story helped me see that I have to get tough NOW in order to prevent our small problems from becoming son-eating monsters.
I have begun to implement her SANITY formula and it's magic! There was resistance at first, but once he knew we were NOT KIDDING, he rose to the challenges.
Allison is my hero because she's willing to share the painful story of her son's fall into drugs and prison so that her readers can learn from her mistakes.
I thank God for Allison and this book. "Setting Boundaries with your Adult Children" is a life-changer!
Excellent both in general and in specifics 2008-03-16
I don't have adult children, but I picked up this book out of my general interest in setting healthy boundaries in relationships. The author presented many good insights, some of which I've come across before (but which always bear repetition!) and many of which are new and fresh. The author's tone is kind but realistic. She shares many interesting and engaging examples both from her own life and the lives of others she knows or has interviewed. The book was helpful to me as a daughter, sister, and mom of a young child. It will be even more helpful to anyone who struggles with knowing where to set boundaries with teen and adult children. I highly recommend it.
Setting Boundraries with Your Adult Children 2008-05-24
I couldn't wait to get this book and I wasn't disappointed. It has helped guide me with decisions I have had to make that I didn't think I could make and follow through with. The reinforcement that the author have given me has helped to make my life easier, knowing I am making the correct decision based on studying the book. If you are living with an enabling situation or are not sure if you are an enabler, you should read this book. I hightly recommend you order Setting Boundraries with Your Adult Children by Allison Bottke as soon as possible to receive the help, peace, and reinforcement you need.
Get Off The Merry Go Round 2008-05-18
If you can take the truth, this is the book for you. The book can only be helpful if you are ready to hear the author's words and incorporate them into your own personal situation. I highly recommend this book to anyone who has been living with an adult child who refuses to "get it" Excellent.
Dealing with your adult (children not necessarily) 2008-05-17
I was listening to Neil Boran one day and he spoke about giving..I wanted to know as a Christian - when do you "stop" giving - and he highly recommended this book "Bottoke"..sorry just can't think of the name right now and I lent it to my sister. We have had a family crisis for almost 4 years now where we have been supporting our brother (50 years) and it is going nowhere. He continues to be destructive, critical about the world, and does not take responsibility for "his" responsibilities. He continues to make things worse for him and his sisters (6) have been picking up the pieces...this book brought great insight into the situation, it made me realize that I need to trust God for his well being, I am part of the problem..and now sharing with my other sisters who continue to "feel" sorry for our brother. It does not help him and I have now taken a firm stance with the understanding that God does not "expect" me to take on my brother's responsibilities..yes we help, we love, we try guidance and support but enough is enough because when he does not listen - it becomes our fault..and it is true. We enable them to depend on our support and they can do as they please as there are no consequences for their actions. God needs to be his support not me or my sisters..( my brother is a Christian and has been longer then I have). His actions and behaviours were confusing me in my own walk with the Lord and it was scaring me..so this book has brought me guidance, support, comfort and action on how to deal with this. Most of all it helped me deal with my guilt and build my "trust". True love of someone - sometimes will hurt terribly, but ultimately I am trusting the Lord that what ever my brother's ends/situation will be - it is between "him" and God..and I hold on that God always works things to the better..
I highly recommend this book for young parents who are having difficulties with their teenagers,young adult children..even young children..it should be read prior to their children getting older..because as parents "love" and doing is not enough..we have lost the ability to "teach" and sometimes teaching/learning is difficult, painful...nothing worthwhile is without pain and hard work...the Lord has taught us that and that you will find in this book in a manner that is practical and usable in today's world...great stuff...
A Moving Personal Yet Practical Book for Every Parent 2008-04-25
From the opening pages of this book, readers know Allison Bottke understands firsthand the struggle which parents have to set boundaries with their adult children. This book combines the personal stories from Allison with practical hands on help to escape the insanity and move toward hope and healing. She mixes her own heart-stirring experiences with sage advice from many others. This book is easy to read and yet for some will involve tears to apply to their personal lives. It is a much needed resource that hopefully counselors and many others will read, then recommend to others.
Every parent must read! 
2008-04-24
Reviewed by Dr. Carol Hoyer for Reader Views (4/08)
Although Ms. Bottke's theme for this book is not a new one, it is refreshing to see that she has given parents of adult children six steps on how to set boundaries.
Through the use of her own personal examples with her adult son, and examples from other parents Ms. Bottke is able to show us that through gentle mistakes we made while raising our children, we can set boundaries in their adulthood.
As a parent who has had recently two adult children move back home, I can honestly say I was ready to tear my hair out. Not that we don't love our children or want to help them in any way, we must learn not to enable them and have them make us their slave.
This reader found the 6 Steps to Sanity to be very helpful. The steps were something you could put use to right away. Most books of this nature tell you what you should and shouldn't do, but I always felt I was being blamed for bad parenting. I was especially impressed with learning to let your children go and identifying my own negative behavior. I was truly amazed at all I have done and still do to enable my children not to own up to their own responsibilities.
Every parent should read "Setting Boundaries with Your Adult Children" and keep it within easy access. Each time one reads part of the book it helps them to take control of their life again and not feel we "owe" our children everything.
