Why Is It Always About You? . The Seven Deadly Sins of Narcissism

Customer Reviews

Knowledge is Power

2008-09-30
This book provided exactly what I needed to understand the underlying issues of a person with narcissism. It was in-depth, but in laymen's terms so the understanding came quite easily. I am better able to deal with the narcissist that I am in love with and the one that I work for. But most importantly, I'm better able to detect these traits in others that I meet and underdstand the part I play in engaging them in narcissistic behavior. My relationships are much better particularly because of the strategies to know myself, embrace reality and set boundaries. I recommend this book to anyone who wants to understand why a person is narcisssistic and how it affects us in relationships.

A definite must-read!

2008-09-12
After breaking-up with my boyfriend of several years, I started searching for answers to explain his unreasonable behaviors. I started looking into personality disorders and came across this book. For anyone who has experienced a narcissist, this is a must read! By the time you get done with the book...even before you're done, actually...you will understand so much more than you did. Your questions will finally be answered, and you will learn that you're not crazy afterall!

Too Technical

2008-09-08
"Why is it Always About You?" starts off being quite helpful but then falls into the "why did I start this" catagory. The book becomes very technical after the first couple of chapters and the jargon becomes disruptive to the non-professional reader's apprection of the subject.
I didn't finish it and am now looking for something in a more "reader friendly" format. Big dissappointment.

Perfectly titled volume!

2008-05-06
If you run from the narcissist in your life, you'll always be running, because there's always another one waiting around the corner. I am not speaking about physical abuse or horrifying marriages. I'm talking about the self-absorbed monsters that we frequently have to deal with at work, socially, or (God forbid) our own families.

It's better to be fully prepared to deal with those who somehow manage to suck all the oxgyn out of the room as soon as they enter than beat yourself up wondering why you have such a problem in your life. They are the problem, and they are probably the problem in every relationship they have ever been in.

If the realationship you are having with a narcissist is not of the "disposable" variety -- if it will not cost you unduly to walk away -- then this excellent book will teach you ways to take control as best you can with as little cost to you as possible.

However, I must add that if your exposure to one of these monsters has involved physical abuse to yourself or a child (or severe emotional trauma) get away by any means possible. There's no negotiating safety issues!

Why is it Always About You?

2008-05-04
Very informational and written so the lay person can understand it. Helpful in identifying the different characteristics of a narcissistic personality. In my case, it took the blame off me and put it where it belongs....on the narcissist.

Exploring the Narcissist's psyche

2008-03-15
In this groundbreaking book -- the first popular book on narcissism in more than a decade -- clinical social worker and psychotherapist Sandy Hotchkiss shows you how to cope with controlling, egotistical people who are incapable of the fundamental give-and-take that sustains healthy relationships. Exploring how individuals come to have this shortcoming, why you get drawn into their perilous orbit, and what you can do to break free, Hotchkiss describes the "Seven Deadly Sins of Narcissism" and their origins. You will learn to recognize these hallmarks of unhealthy narcissism -- Shamelessness, Magical Thinking, Arrogance, Envy, Entitlement, Exploitation, Bad Boundaries -- and to understand the roles that parenting and culture play in their creation.

Whether the narcissist in question is a coworker, spouse, parent, or child, Why Is It Always About You? provides abundant practical advice for anyone struggling to break narcissism's insidious spread to the next generation, and for anyone who encounters narcissists in everyday life.

Harsh 2008-03-14
I haven't completed this book but I can't give it a thumbs up. From growing up with nacissistic parents, I often wonder if I have the traits as well. The author is a bit harsh in the way she describes certain tendencies. For instance, on pg. 13- "Those who are less successful at developing a talent or skill may rely on petty games of oneupmanship to sustain a sense of superiority. These are among the name-droppers, status seekers, and know it alls of the world..." I agree with these statements but think she could write in a less shame producing manner in the event you may have some of these tendencies. I believe you want to walk with people on their journey versus hammering out the unwanted characteristics. She is the hammering type sadly. I recommend the book Children of the Self Absorbed. Children of the Self-absorbed: A Grown-up's Guide to Getting over Narcissistic Parents

Surving Abuse in a Narccisistic Relationship 2007-11-06
IF YOUR RELATIONSHIP FEELS NOT QUITE RIGHT, READ THIS BOOK!

It has been said that relationships with narccissists are, possibly the most confusing and difficult to endure. This is an essential handbook for anyone entwined in a relationship, or considering marriage to a chronic attention junkie. Once they have you in their grip, they morph into someone who cannot apologize,recognize your abilities and talents, puts you down,and/or calls you "crazy," "difficult," and/or "incompetent." Narccissists are masters at subtlety and at systematically exploiting you financially, socially and emotionally while eroding your self-esteem to the point that you no longer recognize yourself. BUT NOT IN THE BEGINNING.

The inportance of this book is to inform and warn. Narccissits are parasites who will charm,seduce,and flatter you until you say "I Do." or otherwise commit and hand over your life.

Also recommended: The Wizard of Oz and other Narcissists, Payton, E.(2002).

A Narcissist? 2007-11-03
The book held my attention in chapters1-3, with the description on the first few years of life, and what family and behavioral patterns (especially the mother) brings about the narcissistic tendencies. The how to deal with a person (be it a family member, a spouse or a boss) with the narcissistic personality is not as helpful as it could be. The examples are weak- and the case studies not complete. Non-the less I do recommend the book; it is easy to read and the author does accomplish the complicated task of brining light to this hard to understand topic.

If you can't "run for the hills" 2007-09-20
Great advice to run from a narcissist, especially when the person is someone you CAN leave. But there are relationships where it might not be possible to run (or running may have consequences you don't want to take on):

-- The narcissist is your graduate school advisor or department chair; running would mean you lose or postpone your degree;
-- The narcissist is a family member -- maybe your only surviving parent or sibling;
-- The narcissist is your CHILD (how does a mother or father run from their child?);
-- Your heritage and cultural background does not support you running from extended family members (like in-laws, parents, siblings), but really expects you to continue supporting them, even at your own expense.

I'm sure there are other situations where running isn't advisable or acceptable to the person dealing with a narcissist. This book is helpful for those people to first understand the monster, and more importantly to get a handle on their own boundaries.