Editorial Review
ADHD • Anxiety • Nonverbal • Communication • Disorders • Visual/Spatial • Disorders • Executive Functioning Difficulties
As any parent, teacher, coach, or caregiver of a learning disabled child knows, every learning disability has a social component. The ADD child constantly interrupts and doesn't follow directions. The child with visual-spatial issues loses his belongings. The child with a nonverbal communication disorder fails to gesture when she talks. These children are socially out of step with their peers, and often they are ridiculed or ostracized for their differences. A successful social life is immeasurably important to a child's happiness, health, and development, but until now, no book has provided practical, expert advice on helping learning disabled children achieve social success.
For more than thirty years, Richard Lavoie has lived with and taught learning disabled children. His bestselling videos and sellout lectures and workshops have made him one of the most respected experts in the field. Rick's pioneering techniques and practical strategies can help children ages six to seventeen
- Overcome shyness and low self-esteem
- Use appropriate body language to convey emotion
- Focus attention and avoid disruptive behavior
- Enjoy playdates and making friends
- Employ strategies for counteracting bullying and harassment
- Master the Hidden Curriculum and polish the apple with teachers
It's So Much Work to Be Your Friend answers the most intense need of parents, teachers, and caregivers of learning disabled children -- or anyone who knows a child who needs a friend.
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Customer Reviews
Extremely Useful 
2005-11-28
My son is not ADHD or LD, but he does have problems with social situations, organizational skills, short attention span, etc. This book addresses a lot of those things. A good portion of the book does not apply to my son because academically he is ahead of his peers and this book assumes that kids with social deficiencies also suffer academically. There are several chapters devoted to specific LDs which I skipped. This book helped me to be more understanding of children with attention problems because there are neurological reasons that make it very difficult for them to make socially acceptable decisions and remain focused on tasks. In the beginning there is a long list of behaviors that these children have and so many of them described my son.
One part that I found very useful was the part in the introduction that explains why punishment does not correct poor behavior patterns. It will stop it for that episode, but not have lasting results. Also you should not say, for example, "If you behave in the restaurant then you can get dessert." Not getting dessert would be punishment. The child will be resentful and probably act the same way at the next restaurant. You should explain the expectation beforehand and then if the child behaves you would say, "You have been so good that I think you deserve some dessert." The child will feel a since of accomplishment which leads to them wanting to behave better.
Also in the introduction is a 5 step approach of how to analyze with your child a social problem he encountered to help him figure out on his own what he did wrong and what he should have done.
Another part that was extremely useful was the chapter on having friends over for visits and house "rules" you get your child in the habit of following so your child becomes a good host.
All in all this is one of the best books I have read on helping children cope with attention and social problems.
Overrated 
2005-10-08
The entire book could have been distilled down to one or two useful pages. A typical example of the author's predilection to stating the obvious in expert-speak: "Generally children will send discernible non-verbal signals when they are ready to end a conversation with an adult. They often begin to stare off into space or become silly. It is time to end the exchange."
And then there are the self-promoting anecdotes such as, "It is encouraging to meet alumni from the 90's who had been exposed to intense social skill instruction during their high school years. Their conversational entrees are far more appropriate and effective: 'How are Mrs. Lavoie, Christian, Danny and Meggi?' 'How long will you be in the area?' 'How are things on Cape Cod?'"
If you can bring yourself to wade through the superfluous chit chat and you've never read anything on this subject before, it may be worth buying used.
Fills a huge void! 2005-09-25
Although there is often a social gap between children with disabilities and their peers, Lavoie thankfully gives parents the necessary skills to remedy this.
This book is also important to parents of children with physical disabilities, parents who are wrestling with the importance of teaching eye contact, body language, modulated voice volume, and cleaner eating habits to their non-LD, but spastic child. Lavoie provides such a kind way of encouraging success!
Fantastic book!
Every Teacher Should Read 2007-09-03
As I read the book I came away with loads of useful strategies to use when dealing with students that have social issues. I highly recommend this book to parents and teachers!
Another hit from Rick LaVoie! 2007-06-27
I bought this book at the recommendation of my child's pediatric psychologist- it is a great help for parents of kids with learning disabilities and other challenges. I am familiar with Rick LaVoie from his other works and his incredible video series called "Fat City", in which he shows parents and teachers just what it is like to walk a mile in the shoes of the kids who deal with these challenges daily. I would highly recoomend both this book and the video series to anyone whose child is having trouble with social skills and/or facing a learning disability.
From a parent! 2006-07-21
This book is what I've been looking for: a book that teaches you HOW to teach social skills and organization skills for kids that just don't pick it up from interactions in everyday life. It's made a big difference in our everyday family and school life for my 2 ADHD/LD kids. My thanks to Rick Lavoie!
Read this book! 2006-06-18
Writing as someone who has lived with learning disabilities for nearly 50 years now, I cannot say strongly enough that I sincerely wish all of my teachers and parents had read this book. I will go a little further than that---I wish the pastoral counselor, psychologist, and psychiatrists that I have dealt with as an adult would read this book.
This book brought back memory after memory of times that I have been misunderstood (and rejected) by those around me, and also times that I have greatly misunderstood social and job-related incidents (and acted inappropriately as a result). Some of the long-lasting psychological damage that I have had as a result could have been alieviated if only those around me had been aware of the difficulties that I was having (and continue to have).
Notice that I did not say that the misunderstandings and social errors I make would have stopped. I don't think they would have.
The book does not offer any cure-alls. Its biggest contribution is to increase the understanding of the social ramifications of learning disabilities. I have found that very few normal people have any understanding of this at all; and their response can be quite damaging.
Good as far as it goes 
2005-12-23
This book provides what sound like good tips for helping a child struggling with social skills. Whether they work, I really can't say, as applying everything here would be the work of a lifetime.
My major complaint about the book is the lack of research showing that this approach really works. Lavoie mentions research findings in one or two places in the text, but mostly he seems to be relying on his own experience working with kids. This is supplemented with what he admits is nothing more than "conventional wisdom" and "generally accepted rules of thumb". Some of Lavoie's "conventional wisdom" struck me as highly unlikely, such as his statement that child development is generally smoother in larger families. The research I've seen on the subject tends to show that only children generally tend to do better than children from larger families.
My son has Asperger's syndrome (a mild form of autism). After 8 years of trying to help my boy, I am beginning to get a little weary of all the advice I receive. I've spent a fortune on therapists of various types, each one pushing his own agenda. Where's the proof that Lavoie's approach works with anyone other than Lavoie's own patients? For that matter, how do I know that Lavoie's own patients really improved their social skills, compared to other kids whose parents tried some other way? There are a lot of charlatans out there preying on the hopes of desperate parents. I wish I knew whether or not Lavoie is one of them.
