Customer Reviews
destructive mothers 
2008-02-19
The mother is in a unique position in most cultures to significantly effect the psychological well being/development of her children. An unbalanced mother ( more so than the father ) can wreck havoc on their lives. In flipping from normal to abnormal behavior and back again and with her chameleon like ability to present a competent normal persona to the outside world, the borderline mother presents her children with a very confused picture of normality. Her behavior will cause them them to doubt/question their own perspective of reality. This book gives an excellent insight into the borderline mother and is a "must have" for all children who are lucky enough to survive the experience of having such a mother.
FInally an explanation 2008-01-13
This book is a lifesaver and "must read" for anyone who feels lost in a sea of dysfunction.
Useful but somewhat confusing 
2007-12-28
I purchased this book primarily for my grandson's custodial dad & stepmom so they could help him deal with his BPS mom (my step-daughter). I work in a long term care facility for the mentally ill so I am used to being around borderlines. I read the book before giving it to them to make sure it could be understood by people who have never heard of Borderline Personality Disorder. While the book contained a lot of information that I am sure will be helpful to them, I found it a bit confusing the way it was written. There were quotes from Alice In Wonderland thrown in and those threw me off a bit. There were also a lot of behavior comparisons to famous people and while they were informative I found them somewhat confusing also. That is probably just me, I tend to find a track and stick to it, the quickest route from point A to point B. Overall, other than the writing style wasn't to my taste, the book was informative and easy to read.
helpful book! 2007-11-01
A great book that helped me through therapy with my borderline Mother. Our Therapist recommended it, and I am so glad. Easy to read, and well organized.
Understanding the Borderline Mother 2007-10-30
This book was incredibly easy to understand and easy to read. It answered so many questions and helped us to understand behaviors of someone close to our family. I could not put it down. The book gave so many real-life examples that have actually happened to those close to me that I was amazed. With each chapter, there would be something else that was eerily similar (pictures of loved ones put out of sight, treasured items like a pet given away, one child treated good and another treated as if they were the bad child, etc.). I recommend this to anyone dealing with a Borderline Personality or suspects that they are. Finally, for those of us who have to deal with this loved one, we no longer have to to wonder what's wrong or put it off on it's just a terrible (unpredictable)mood or they are just mean. It's a disorder with a name.
Wonderful insight 2008-07-05
For the first 30 pages, all I could think was, "Oh my god, that's my mother." Ms. Lawson describes perfectly both the BPD person and the devastating effect the behavior has on her family. It has taken me over 50 years to realize my mother has never been normal. This book has given me the understanding to realize that I'm not morally obligated to take my mother's abuse and the peace of mind to put some emotional distance between us. I highly recommended this book to anyone who is uncomfortable with the way a loved one interacts with them, and I'm grateful to the psychologist who overheard me venting about my mother and recommended this book to me.
good information 2008-05-16
On the one hand there is an attempt to draw similarities between fairytale characters and borderline mothers. But on the other hand this book reads like a textbook. There are references to studies, psychologists, data, etc. Having substantiated data is obviously not a bad thing, but it distracts from the reading. It felt as if the writer couldn't decide what type of style the book should be written in.
There is good information. I think one of the most important pieces of advice is that when the mother turns into a "witch," the adult child ought to escape. As soon as you feel her mood switching, drop everything and leave her presence. Do not subject yourself to her dark moods. Don't argue, don't discuss, don't reply.... just leave.
relief! 2008-05-01
Finally, a book that provides understanding about the behavior of my grandmother, my mother, myself, my sisters, and even my 10-year old niece. This was an enlightening first step to understanding the crazy dynamics of my family. Highly recommended to the confused and frustrated.
expensive, but worth it! 2008-04-29
i'm not sure why this paperback costs as much as it does, but...if you have a borderline mother, it is worth every cent. not many books i've found are written on the subject of BPD mothers specifically, so that makes this one all the more valuable.
i'm not sure if it actually helped me in a significant way, as far as dealing with my MOMster goes, but it was a great insight into the land of BPD mothers and their children. It was cathartic just to read experiences and behaviors and know i'm not the only one, i could have written half of it myself. i guess it was most useful because it allowed me to validate my feelings.
a lot of the "dealing with borderline" books spend more time on trying to explain to you why they are, or how to understand or have compassion for them. i'm not a calloused person, but i just didn't find that stuff useful for my situation. i wanted something that would allow me to be upset and "selfish" about my feelings. i'm not trying to fix her or find excuses for her behaviors to make everybody feel better about it, i'm trying to heal myself from the abuse she inflicted upon me, and prevent further damage, and this book is good for that.
Jungian inspired stereotyping at its worst 
2008-04-05
I was both horrified and fascinated by the degree of flippant, revengeful, misinformed
information given in this book that transforms Borderline Personality Disorder into a synonym for "bad" mothers. The author seems incapable and unaware of the nuances and enormous heterogeneity of this disorder. A disorder that runs the gamut of enmeshment with other disorders on "Axis I" (dysthymia, bipolar, etc.), and often with other traits from ALL other disorders on "Axis II". How dare one generalize? There are many many subtypes linked to the complex constellation that - for lack of a better name and due to a long history of ignorance - we call today "Borderline Personality Disorder" : i.e. painful emotional dysregulation under stress, very real neuro-cognitive deficiencies, horrendous difficulties in processing negative emotions and hypersensitivity to the feelings of others, coupled with a nervous system condemned to staying on red alert, - all which leads to often lethal feelings of shame and despair in great part fueled by scornful, critical, hateful and punitive attitudes that society and authors such as this one pile on people who have this dx.
Yes there are many subtypes of BPD but "witch" and "queen", etc. are not among them. Jung's archetypes are here converted into Lawson's stereotypes. I am bewildered at how many people seem to applaud such impoverished and infantile language.
Many parents have trouble parenting. They might even show many of the behaviors in described in this book. They are most certainly not all suffering from "Borderline Personality Disorder". And many parents - mothers and fathers- who are suffering from BPD are the first to be intensely concerned about trying to be good parents - but of course in a book like this they get no press at all.
Children blaming their parents for their problems is endemic to American culture at the moment. This book is just one more example. The voice of a child that feels that she has been abused runs throughout every line of this book. She is telling her story under the covet of "explaining" BPD. There is nothing objective here - just an ardent desire to give everyone else a chance to call their mother "borderline".
"Borderline Personality Disorder" has given Americans a way of reviving the witch hunt of old. A label so overused and much abused that it has unfortunately become more toxic than the disorder itself - and certainly much more so than the people who suffer from it.
