Editorial Review
You Can Start a Revolution in Your Family . . . Tonight
ScreamFree Parenting is not just about lowering your voice. It’s about learning to calm your emotional reactions and learning to focus on your own behavior more than your kids’ behavior . . . for their benefit. Our biggest enemy as parents is not the TV, the Internet, or even drugs. Our biggest enemy is our own emotional reactivity. When we say we “lost it” with our kids, the “it” in that sentence is our own adulthood. And then we wonder why our kids have so little respect for us, why our kids seem to have all the power in the family.
It’s time to do it differently. And you can. You can start to create and enjoy the types of calm, mutually respectful, and loving relationships with your kids that you’ve always craved. You can begin to revolutionize your family, starting tonight.
Parenting is not about kids, it’s about parents.
If you’re not in control, then you cannot be in charge.
What every kid really needs are parents who are able to keep their cool no matter what.
Easier said than done? Not anymore, thanks to ScreamFree Parenting, the principle-based approach that’s inspiring parents everywhere to truly revolutionize their family dynamics. Moving beyond the child-centered, technique-based approaches that ultimately fail, the ScreamFree way compels you to:
focus on yourself
calm yourself down, and
grow yourself up
By staying calm and connected with your kids, you begin to operate less out of your deepest fears and more out of your highest principles, revolutionizing your relationships in the process.
ScreamFree Parenting is not just another parenting book. It’s the first parenting
book that maintains—from beginning to end—that parenting is NOT about kids . . . it’s about parents. As parents pay more attention to controlling their own behavior instead of their kids’ behavior, the result is stronger, more rewarding, and more fulfilling family relationships.
For those of you reading who are parents, know parents, or have had parents, the notion that the greatest thing you can do for your children is to learn to focus on yourself may sound strange, even heretical. It’s not. Here’s why: we are the only ones we can control. We cannot control our kids—we cannot control the behavior of any other human being. And yet, so many “experts” keep giving us more tools (“techniques”) to help us try to do just that. And, of course, the more we try to control, the more out of control our children become.
“Don’t make me come up there.” “Don’t make me pull this car over.” “How many times do I have to tell you?” Even our language suggests that our kids have control over us.
It’s no wonder that we end up screaming. Or shutting down. Or simply giving up. And the charts, refrigerator magnets, family meetings, and other techniques in most typical parenting books just don’t work. They end up making us feel more frustrated and more powerless in this whole parenting thing.
This practical, effective guide for parents of all ages with kids of all ages introduces proven principles for overcoming the anxieties and stresses of parenting and setting new patterns of connection and cooperation. Well-written in an engaging, conversational tone, the book is sensible, straightforward, and based on the experiences of hundreds of actual families. It will help all parents become calming authorities in their homes, bring peace to their families today, and give kids what they need to grow into caring, self-directed adults tomorrow.
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Customer Reviews
Obedience training might work for dogs, not appropriate for humans 
2008-05-08
This is a very good and thoughtful book. It is not a method of discipline, and Runkel is very critical of methods that promise an end to familial difficulties. Such methods may teach obedience, but they do not help children to grow into self-directed adults capable of making good choices on their own.
Instead, Runkel emphasizes that parents need to control their own behavior first. Yelling at children --or the flipside, detaching emotionally --not only doesn't work, it actually backfires. When the parent is in control of her/himself, a better relationship with the child is possible. Reflection questions after each section are wonderful for stimulating thought about how you feel about your children, your own experiences as a child, your hopes and dreams for your children, etc.
This book is definitely recommended for those who cherish a connected, mutually respectful relationship with their children rather than instant obedience.
really important book 
2008-05-04
Scream-Free Parenting raises an important topic for parents and explains it in a simple, clear way. Any parent will benefit from reading this book. Even parents who don't scream will appreciate this approach to parenting, because this book has much more information in it than "don't scream." It really helps parents to take the driver's seat in THEMSELVES and in their homes. It address the anxiety that every parent must confront throughout the twenty or so years of raising children and helps parents calm and center themselves before dealing with their children. It helps parents think about the BIG picture in parenting instead of getting lost in the little daily details. I agree wholeheartedly with the author's philosophy and recommend it to my own clients and students.
Sarah Chana Radcliffe, author RAISE YOUR KIDS WITHOUT RAISING YOUR VOICE
Great book for all Parents! 2008-04-21
This is an absolute must have for all parents. Easy, quick read with tons of important info. This would make a great baby gift!
Here's the "Instruction Book" we've all been looking for. 2008-04-13
What I appreciated most from this book was how it focuses on the parents reactions and how that fuels the fires we try to put out every day. The importance of disconnecting from what the child is doing in order to not only keep our cool, but teach the child how to keep theirs also. I have a 3 y/o strong-willed child and a 4 y/o with autism. Putting this book in action has made a huge difference how I feel about myself as a parent and a person. The fires go out much quicker (although be ready for push-back/being tested in the beginning)and there isn't the residual "I didn't handle that situation well - I'm a terrible parent!" This is a great gift for new parents. I wish I had it to read while I was pregnant with my first. No negative feedback here. I'm re-reading it!
Not what I was hoping for! 
2008-04-11
I bought this book for myself hoping that I could stop my yelling at my kids. While I did get some good stories I really didn't get much in the way of "how to" change. It mainly focuses on me and only me. I was also looking for other methods of discipline or how to remain calm when I am about to lose it. One of the best tips I ever got was from a forum. One member said when you are feeling like you are about to blow just walk away and go to your own space and calm down. Now why couldn't something like this be in the book!! It was more helpful than anything I read here. Definately a waste of money for me :(
Scream Free Parenting 2008-07-17
I bought this book to help my sister handle her stress when dealing with her 3 year old daughter, and it worked, she stop screaming and even my nice has improved her bad temper.
Great book, not just for parenting relationships! 2008-07-16
I first saw this author on the Today show. I liked his advice and bought his book. It was very helpful for our family. We have a 15 year old, a 7 year old, and a 2 year old. I think this book's advice helps in other relationships as well, work, family, friends... Read it - not just for short tempered people. Also great for the parent who gives in too much or the people pleaser... Very helpful advice.
uncommon common sense 2008-07-13
Runkel brings common sense back to the parenting scene by reminding parents that they are parents and that they are in charge. Their job is not to be lifelong caregivers or lifelong friends, but just parents. It brought to minds something Bob Keeshan (Captain Kangaroo) said over half a century ago: "The responsibility of parents is to raise children who don't need parents." In this age of helicopter parents, Runkel's book helps bring parenting back to earth with its well grounded information and advice.
What a revelation, parenting is about parental behavior. 2008-05-19
I could not agree more with the author, that the best thing you can do for your children is to bring yourself under control. I have mentored dozens of teenagers over many years through the church, and I have encountered many of their parents, who were out of control during that time. I never really made the connection between the screaming, out of control and unpredicatable behavior of the parent and the angry, depressed, confused and insecure teenagers who lived with them, but now it makes sense. I have always advocated self-control to these parents, but it seems to fall on deaf ears, because it was just me talking from my own experience with my parents, who were always under self-control. I actually had one parent tell me recently that it was her job as a parent to "control her children", and if they were out of control, that meant she was a "bad parent". I told her, with that definition of parenting it was no wonder that there was severe daily conflict in the house with her fifteen and seventeen year old sons.
The author correctly points out that her model of parenting was faulty. She could not possibly succeed in "controlling" her teenage boys without forcing them to give up using their brains and stay forever in the kindergarten thinking mode. I plan to give copies of the book to her and other parents. Hopefully, they will take the time to read the book and put its principles into practice. That will certainly make my job a lot easier.
Good Book, worth the read 2008-05-15
I still have a few chapters to go in this book. I have a 3-yr old and a 2-yr old and a lot of it isn't related to their age group right now. It is helpful in learning to control yourself instead of trying to control your child's--Hal explains it better than I do. It would work in any relationship, not just for your kids. Worth the read. I still yell at my boys from time to time, but I am getting better!
