Customer Reviews
And this makes sense why? 
2007-08-26
So, if I'm to believe this book, I'm supposed to let my teenager (17 yr. old step-son)do whatever he wants. Whenever and however he wants. With no consequences. While I just cover my eyes, plug my ears and let him run wild? Pretend he's not being an abusive, entitled, disrespectful, disobedient, unruly, unlawful, dishonest monster? Can you say Anarchy?
When I hit the part where it blames the parents if their kid steals from them, because they *gasp* had the audacity to leave their own belongings out in their own house...it was time to toss it in the trash. This one could have been written BY a teenager. It's a perfect "how-to" book for getting away with murder (figuratively, of course.)
How is letting the kid run wild, with no fear of consequences, no guidance, no advice, preparing that kid for the real world? Sure, if kids actually LEARN from their mistakes, it's a wonderful thing. But when there's no consequences, what can they possibly be learning? And before somebody jumps in and tells me getting kicked out of school or getting arrested will teach them anything...let me ask YOU...is it the school's or the police's job to raise our kids? Or is it OURS?
I raised two teens myself, NOT in this manner, thank goodness. And they're both now happy, well adjusted, educated, contributing members of society. While on the other hand, my husband's ex raised their kids THIS way...ignored them and let them run wild. They've ended up with a compulsive liar, who also steals and does drugs, and a shoplifting pot smoker, who also lies daily. One can't hold a job to save his life, the other is mean and abusive. Why? Because they CAN. Nobody cared enough to teach them it wasn't OK to act like that.
This book (in my own humble opinion, of course) is a big 'ol cop-out for parents who don't want to put in the hard work raising their own kids.
A new perspective 
2005-11-20
This book helped the situation with my 17 yr old son. A lot of what is in this book goes directly against everything I've ever thought about parenting and it was scary for me at first, but I was desprate and we've had some positive changes because of these techniques. It took a few months, but he's back in school (he was ditching frequently), passing his classes (he was failing them all) and coming home on time every night (he was usually late or wouldn't come home at all). Basically, I've been trying to parent my teenager as if he were still a child. This book helped me to understand that it is natural for teenagers to become independent and, in fact, becoming independent is what they are supposed to be doing. The problem has been that I have been trying to direct my son to go in what I see as the right direction, and so the only way he can feel independent is to choose something different than what I want, even when that means making bad choices. Instead, this book advised me to let him find his own choices, within the boundaries of not taking advantage of me. It was scary, and I had my doubts (I felt like I was copping-out, giving up, taking the easy way out, etc) but this book has definitely helped our situation. Plus, now I feel like a person again instead of a warden.
Thinking back to when I was a teenager, I don't think there was any amount of intervention/ restriction/ punishment/ behavioral contracts/ trips to rehab that would have stopped me from doing what I wanted to do. I always found my first response to anything my parents wanted was to reject it totally and then think of reasons to support the rejection afterwards. I was a bad kid, but not because of bad parents or emotional distress...it was just my way of growing up. This book effectively addresses that mindset. Very insightful.
restore your sanity -- great parenting book! 
2005-02-06
This is probably the most helpful book on parenting I have ever read. I gave up on parenting books about 5 years ago when I realized the cookie-cutter approaches were not easily applied to my (and my son's) non-cookie-cutter lives! I purchased this book based on a review of a different book, where this book was recommended instead. I am really glad I did because from the very first exercise, it improved my whole outlook on my life with my teen.
The authors suggest to read the book through cover to cover first, then go through it chapter by chapter, working the exercises. I'm about half-way through the first read and I have already used many of the exercises (unofficially) to help me put things into perspective, regain sanity when teenage craziness is in full swing and have even used it in dealing with my ex-husband (who often acts like an adolescent!).
I have a great kid and a great life. This book helps remind me of that and also to know that I am not alone!
Only self-help book that ever helped 2004-03-18
My ex-wife and I read this book almost 20 years ago, when our two kids were teenagers. Our daughter, the eldest, was acting up (and out)--breaking curfew, staying out, experimenting with different substances, generally going through a volatile adolescence--normal "individuating," it turned out (thank God), but it was driving her mother and me crazy because we lived apart and both worked full-time. Two employed adults are no match for one teenager intent on getting her way. We were at the end of our tethers trying to keep tabs on her. Somehow we found out about HOW TO DEAL WITH YOUR ACTING UP TEENAGER. We both read it, decided it made sense and was worth a try, and had a family meeting with both our kids. We told them we wanted to try a new way of parent-kid relations that basically boiled down to, mutual respect. When we told them we were going to stop trying to control them--ground them, harass them about schoolwork and grades, etc.--they looked at us suspiciously. Was this some kind of trick? Some sort of parental sting operation? No, no, we assured them, we were on the level. And it worked. Our daughter stopped driving us crazy, we stopped driving her crazy, and relations improved. I can say unequivocally that this is the only self-help book that has ever actually helped me (and I've read a few). I recommend it without qualification. The authors, as I recall, were parents themselves as well as psychologists, and brought both their practical and academic experience to bear. Bless them both. I still tell people about this book when I hear about problems with adolescence, and am glad it's still available.
MY highest praises for this one 2002-07-26
A wonderful book for moms and dads who are wondering how their kids got so out of control...MAYBE its been your approach. Robert and Jean Bayard offer up a very loving parenting approach. Im giving this to my husband to read and then I'm going to read it a second time. One of the most intellegent books I have read on the subject.
This book saved my son and myself from a downward spiral 2001-06-30
An outstandingly courageous, honest and original approach to teenage acting-out. This book might save your family's sanity. --Louise Bates Ames, Gesell Institute of Human Development
It was the only thing I read that made any sense. 2000-12-13
I raised 2 of each - a boy & a girl - one regular & one adopted. They are now adults. My girl did everything responsibly -- honor student -- ballet -- music -- Homecoming Queen -- everybody loved her. When my boy came along, he was one of those gifted children that everyone complains about. He was an underachiever, drove teachers crazy by arguing over everything,& refused -- finally -- to go to high school at all. He wouldn't leave his room for 3 yrs. I know now he was depressed. He escaped into sci fi books, & gaming with his friends. He was surly & angry. This book helped me understand that he and I would get to the other side of those teen years & that we'd respect each other. I have recommended this book to many people over the years. I'm glad it's still available so I can get it for my daughter. Her boys are 5 & 7 now. I can't imagine raising children without this essential tool.
The Best Book I Have Read on How to Behave with your Teen 2000-11-26
I was fortunate to read this book when my son was only 9 years old. If you have a child who is anywhere from 7 to 17 stop everything and READ THIS BOOK. It will save you hours of agonizing thoughts about how to deal with your child so he takes responsibility and you end up doing a good job of parenting.The advice really works. Many thanks to the authors.
Outstanding good sense for parents who care. 2000-01-29
I've used this book as a psychologist over and over with families who sought an enlightened approach to their teen's sometimes rocky launch into adult living. I think it's one of the best guides around, and as a parent of one and soon two teen boys, I can additionally vouch for it's effectiveness in my own life. I only wish the authors had written a workbook and maybe a second or third volume to deal with new issues that have come up more extensively. This beats TOUGH "Love" hands down with good kids having a bad time of succeeding in their independence. This is for parents who are willing to think about their own lives and give the sometimes complex issues time to unfold as they work with their teens. Authoritarians with a zeal for absolutes, get another book...
Thanks, Drs. Bayard, for this contribution! (P.S. I've never met them, know nothing about them personally, and have written this only because I have just again recommended this book to another family and found it here on Amazon.)
A book that gives parents "real" tools to bring peace. 1999-04-21
This book gives parents tools that take guilt away and help bring a sense of power back to parents where it belongs! It taught me when to say "no", how to say "no" and how to ensure that the message was understood and carried out. I gave up having the last word, for being in charge. I got my life back and the true freedom to never have to explain myself again. Best of all, I never had to listen to lies, because I never gave my child the opening to lie! Buy this book and gain control!
