Customer Reviews
On the upside... 
2007-06-09
What an incredible walk through our nation's schools--though only eye-opening because I didn't realize how prevalent my own experiences were among others. How sad that girlhood aggression has been labeled a "culture". On the upside, that ought to give it the attention that such destructive behavior is due. I know, I know, it's been said before: EVERY girl and her mother needs to read this.
Good to get it out there 
2007-05-02
I think the value in this book is its ablility to open up discussions about this subject. For generations, nothing has been said about it. Parents, teachers, school administrators, nobody wanted to talk about it. Without that discussion, nothing will ever change.
Odd Girl Out is beautifully written, sometimes heart-breaking, often maddening. I would have liked to have seen the author offer more solutions to the problem, but overall, I think it is a very valuable book and would recommend it to anyone with daughters.
Odd Girl Out---the book 2007-04-15
Great book, very easy to read. Parents and girls should read this.
Interesting interviews, but feels repetitive and incomplete. 
2007-04-10
In Rachel Simmons' book, "Odd Girl Out: The Hidden Culture of Aggression in Girls," she introduces us to three hundred girls from thirty schools across the country. Blasting the stereotype that girls are the kinder, gentler sex, Simmons' premise is that girls are taught to "be nice" and to "make friends," and, as a result, are unable to express anger that might destroy the façade of friendship. Because our culture does not grant girls "permission" to confront conflict directly, Simmons asserts, there exists a "hidden culture of silent and indirect aggression" consisting of "backbiting, exclusion, rumors, name-calling, and manipulation to inflict psychological pain on targeted victims." Simmons remembers how she felt when a third grader named Abby told the other girls not to play with her; she remembers her own responsibility in giving another girl the silent treatment. It is from that base of personal experience that Simmons conducted her interviews.
The book consists of Simmons interviews...many, many interviews. Over time, the interviews begin to seem mind-numbingly similar. Natalie's story, Lisa's story, Molly's story, Dina's story...each story becomes repetitive. At one point, I set the book aside for a week and found that I had lost my place. I attempted to find the exact page where I had stopped reading, but I found that it was impossible to do so. Since none of the stories stood out distinctly in my mind, I gave up my search for the "right" page; I picked a random early chapter that I knew I must have read already and resumed my reading.
I enjoyed reading the book, even given its repetitiveness problems, and with a lifetime of experience being the "odd girl out," I found it somewhat cathartic to read stories of young women who had experienced similar trauma. Simmons does some things well. Her explanation of the devastating impact of girls' aggression is compelling, and she does an excellent job of describing the dynamics of the hidden aggression. In addition, Simmons relates the various interviews in a compassionate and thoughtful manner.
Where she does not succeed, however, is in giving her readers tangible suggestions about ways to address the problems she emphasizes.
Odd Girl Out contains two hundred and seventy pages, but it is only during the last thirty of those pages that Simmons addresses possible solutions to the problems she outlines. In those thirty pages, Simmons tells readers to talk to their daughters, to tell teachers about what is happening, and to make sure that teachers take the problems seriously. Those are reasonable suggestions, but I wanted more. I did not find a plan to keep these things from happening to my young adult daughter in the first place, nor did I find a plan of action in the event these things happen to my daughter. It is not enough to recommend we talk to our daughters and to their teachers - my friends and I could suggest that plan to one another over a cup of coffee at Starbucks. Simmons has made a good first step in raising awareness of the problem. She needed to work harder, though, to provide parents and teachers with skills and with plans for action when facing these issues.
Now I understand why some girls are suddenly so mean! 2007-03-13
I read this book in preparation for my daughter's middle school years. I can honestly say it helped prepare me the first time she came home in distress over a friendship that had taken a negative turn. It gives insight into what might be going on in a girl's mind when she suddenly starts displaying RA tactics, and the devastating effects it has on both the aggressor and the victim.
My daughter took great comfort from this book as well as the companion book, Odd Girl Speaks Out - they helped her understand her friend's possible motives and gave her some tools to use to turn the situation around. It also helped me open up a dialogue with her school, who were very responsive. RA can be overcome, but you have to educate yourself and your community. Sometimes this has to start with the parent, not the teachers. This book is a fantastic first step.
Not so great 
2008-06-01
I bought this book a few years ago and had to force myself to finish it. It's definately not as great as it is made out to be. A lot of it is common sense, and Simmons repeats things over and over as the book goes on. There are a few good little anecdotes, but other than that this just isn't worth it.
must read for youth workers and parents 2008-05-27
i'm not sure how i missed this book. it was published in 2002, and is absolute must reading for EVERY youth worker (male or female) and every parent of a girl.
it's a tough read and an easy read. easy, because simmons is an excellent writer and fills the book with real stories of real girls. tough, because the real girls she profiles reveal a profile of aggression (almost universally experienced) that is so painful, so destructive, it's difficult to read (especially if you care about teenage girls).
i had a great chat with my 13 year-old daughter, liesl, after reading this book. she was very open about how girls treat each other. i may be fooling myself, but i do think that liesl's private school (a waldorf school, which is particularly nurturing and has no tolerance for mistreatment) protects her from the fullest extent of what this behavior would look like in the vast majority of schools. in fact, i could easily see liesl being the aggressor (the rumor-creator, the silent treatment-giver, the "we don't like you" club-originator), were she in a different context.
the book talks at length about why this alternative aggression is so commonplace amongst girls. it also talks about why schools are so poor at addressing it. it's a bit light on suggestions for what we all (who care about girls) can do about it - but there is some of this, especially near the end of the book.
given my passion for early adolescent ministry, i was intrigued to read that this behavior is at its peak during the young teen years. the author focuses all of her research on girls from 5th grade through 9th grade, with the "sweet spot" (bad choice of words, i suppose) between 11 and 14.
here's one particular paragraph i found fascinating:
at first glance, the stories of girls not being allowed to eat at the lunch table, attend a party, put their sleeping bag in the middle, or squeeze inside a circle of giggling girls may seem childish. yet as carol gilligan has shown, relationships play an unusually important role in girls' social development. in her work with girls and boys, she found that girls perceive danger in their lives as isolation, especially the fear that by standing out they will be abandoned. boys, however, describe danger as a fear of entrapment or smothering. this contrast, gilligan argues, shows that women's development "points toward a diffrerent history of human attachment, stressing continuity and change instead of replacement and seperation. the primacy of relationship and attachment in the female life also indicates a different experience of and response to loss. the centrallity of relationship to girls' lives all but guarantees a different landscape of aggression and bullying, with its own distinctive features worthy of seperate study.
A Must-Read Book 4 Adolescent Girls and Parents 2008-05-24
Every girl from age 1O up and her parent should read this book so they understand what is in store for them in middle, junior high and high school. Rachel Simmons beautifully describes the unique bully culture of girls present on every school campus. It is so important for girls to understand this phenomenon so they are prepared and don't unknowingly become victims.If you have a daughter...it is a must-read for a parent. Also add to your bookshelf, Bully-Proofing Children: A Practical, Hands-On Guide to Stop Bullying. This provides an excellent understanding of bullying (as well as girl bullying)and more importantly how to prevent it and intervene to stop it. This too is a must-read for parents of all kids who are about to enter school.
EYE OPENER 2008-04-22
This book is truly an eye opener and surely will help cast light on the subject of female aggression which does not end in high school. I was drop-dead gorgeous from 15-45 years old with a heart to match always ready to be nice with other girls or women (depending on the time frame). I was brought up in an upper-middle class neighborhood where I was very sheltered in a very exclusive high school. For the most part, aggression in girls was non-existent, except for male bullies, which were hardly something to cry about back then. I was self confident. I had everything, I lacked nothing. It was AFTER high school that I encountered female aggression. At one job one female came to me ABSOLUTELY LIVID and said, "You think you are so perfect, we'll find something wrong with you!!!!!" . . . Women there did not WANT my friendship, they wanted to fight me. The subtle but exceptional violence I encountered was truly amazing to me, and I was totally confounded for a while because I never encountered such devious and vicious behavior in high school--IN THE LEAST. If this happened to me, this can happen to anybody.
This author really helped clarify things. She gets feedback directly from the girls, and you would be surprised at what they say!! This book will certainly help young ladies (and even not so young ladies) understand these forms of exceptionally vicious and insidious female aggression and warfare that is parasitical in nature and uses other females as prey for their own personal satisfaction. Bullies build their self esteem by inventing cruelties. Female aggression is ALL over the place and it is surely caused by low self esteem. What are they telling themselves?: I guess they are telling themselves they have no other recourse for their self esteem other than to prey upon and torment others in very devious ways.
The author really wants to expose as much as possible, and I think this author does a fantastic job at it. I REALLY want to thank the author for helping me understand that which I couldn't figure out on my own--because this mentality and behavior was SO foreign to who I was. This book will certainly help others understand that girls are indeed JUST AS violent as boys--in other ways. She mentions that females will indeed try to get other females into a friendship so they can abuse them. I personally saw that they can even bring males with them into the aggression (you would be surprised that men don't always have high self esteem either). Perhaps I don't agree with just a few points that the author is mistaken about, but this book is truly an eye-opener and will CERTAINLY HELP girls out there victims of aggression in high school AND BEYOND. This type of aggression and violence stems from the inability to verbalize insecurities in an open and honest manner. If someone feels they are bullied because they feel they are "nerds," one can be sure that ANY EXCUSE they WANT is valid for bullies. They need to satisfy their insecurities using someone else.
(I got this book some years back in hardbound, but never did my review) I was prompted by the latest news of the girl being attacked by other girls who brought two guys into the aggression with them. I, in the meantime, have stopped being an ally of women since it happened to me.
Great job to the author!!!
anyone being bullied needs to read this...regardless of age! 2007-12-28
This is an amazing book that only someone who had been bullied herself could have written with such understanding. This book is a 'must read' for anyone being vicimimzed, whether at work or at school. It should be recommended reading for teachers too as it might make them more aware of 'bully' situations in their classes.
