Editorial Review
For ages women have come together over coffee, cocktails, or late-night phone chats to analyze the puzzling behavior of men.
He's afraid to get hurt again.
Maybe he doesn't want to ruin the friendship.
Maybe he's intimidated by me.
He just got out of a relationship.
Greg Behrendt and Liz Tuccillo are here to say that -- despite good intentions -- you're wasting your time. Men are not complicated, although they'd like you to think they are. And there are no mixed messages.
The truth may be He's just not that into you.
Unfortunately, guys are too terrified to ever directly tell a woman "You're not the one." But their actions absolutely show how they feel.
HE'S JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU -- based on a popular episode of Sex and the City -- educates otherwise smart women on how to tell when a guy just doesn't like them enough, so they can stop wasting time making excuses for a dead-end relationship.
Reexamining familiar scenarios and classic mind-sets that keep us in unsatisfying relationships, Behrendt and Tuccillo's wise and wry understanding of the sexes spares women hours of waiting by the phone, obsessing over the details with sympathetic girlfriends, and hoping his mixed messages really mean "I'm in love with you and want to be with you."
HE'S JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU is provocative, hilarious, and, above all, intoxicatingly liberating. It deserves a place on every woman's night table. It knows you're a beautiful, smart, funny woman who deserves better. The next time you feel the need to start "figuring him out," consider the glorious thought that maybe He's just not that into you. And then set yourself loose to go find the one who is.
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Customer Reviews
The best advice for all women out there 
2008-07-19
The theory on how to handle guys and relationships in "He's Just Not that into You" can certainly be seen as very controversial, and perhaps women may initially find it to be offensive. But after reading the book I'd have to say it's the most liberating piece of literature that I have ever read. A few months prior I had broken up with a boyfriend of two and a half years and was in another budding relationship when I started the book. Not only did I get closure from the one, I realized my current relationship had hit a dead end. I hate feminist literature, but I'd have to admit that this book is empowering. It teaches women to take there life and their love into there own hands and it genuinely hopes to prevent women from being jerked around anymore by the slew of awful guys that are out there. I would recommend this book to every woman I know, especially my closest friends and family. With an open mind and a willing heart, this book is an invaluable tool to every soul out there.
Before you start dating, read this book 2008-07-14
Although this book seems intended for women who have never been married before, as a recent divorcee, I found this book had a lot of good advice. I wish I had read it before I married the first time! Now dating for a second time and really the first time as an adult, its helped me understand why men act the way they do. The letters interwoven in the book really help illustrate exactly how men are not really into certain relationships. I, like Greg, know there is someone special out there for me and feel I can better decipher when to get out of a dead-end relationship and get to the relationship I'm meant to have. I've passed the book onto my 18 year old niece so she'll be smarter as she dates. Thanks Greg and Liz!
Turned My Love Life Around 2008-07-07
As corny as it sounds, this book turned my love life around. For years I made the rounds with guys who wasted my time. This book "laid down the law" in very concise and light-hearted manner. I quickly recognized the symptoms and got rid of the time wasters, found a guy who was truly interested and now been happily married for 1.5 years!!!
Dangerously Misguided 
2008-07-06
Don't ruin your life with this foolish book. First off, Greg Behrendt is a stand-up comic, not an expert. Second, his "research" consists of emailing questions to a handful of personal friends. Furthermore, he comes across as being a narcissist and clearly a very controlling personality. I suppose if a woman wants to attract a narcissist, a Scott Peterson-type sociopath, a controlling abuser, or an obsessed stalker, then this book will be a very handy tool.
Adult men who come on like gangbusters in beginning are either desperately needy or have extremely shallow emotions, and are most likely either narcissistic or sociopathic or at least controlling. Period. These men lack the depth of emotion necessary to feel real love - otherwise it would take them some time to let it grow. What "love" is to them is being instantly infatuated with a woman's appearance and suitability. That wears off in time and they drop you like a hot rock for the next infatuation. Be wary of the ones who are "really, really into you" right off the bat, and if they are extremely charming, doting and flatter you a lot, RUN! Think about Amber Frey.
Also, he never reveals the number one reason a man loses interest in a woman: she has sex with him too soon. It's a double standard, but it's the truth, so deal with it. No man truly appreciates an easy woman. If Behrendt had an ounce of sense he would have said on every page to wait at least a couple of months, and definitely once exclusivity is mutually agreed upon, before consummating a relationship. Instead he rants on and on about NEVER, EVER calling a guy. That is ridiculous. All the nice, normal guys I know have a three try rule: if she doesn't call you back after three tries, leave her alone because she isn't interested. Only the most dangerous of men will keep pursuing a woman who never calls him back.
There are so very many misleading notions in this book that I could go on for pages, but essentially Behrendt has everything upside-down and backward: he advises to make it darned near impossible for a man to even get your phone number, unless he behaves like a desperate stalker, but then once you go out with the guy, you can feel free to immediately have sex and expect him to call you daily and act like you're in an established relationship - all in the first few weeks! In reality, you should let a man you like have your phone number, but then make him court you and work hard to EARN your trust and affection over time as you get to know each other, let real love blossom, and BUILD UP to an established relationship before sex becomes part of it. Duh!
The best book in the world on the subject of relationships is "Why Men Love Bitches" by Sherry Argov. It is very well researched and is based on interviews with many hundreds of men and women from all walks of life. It is written with great wisdom and humor and will explain everything you need to know about men and dating, such as why men don't call (not necessarily a reason to dump them); why you must wait to have sex; what drives men away; how to rekindle a man's interest; etc. Most importantly, it teaches women how to get into, and stay in, the driver's seat at all times. It transformed my dating life overnight and I haven't had trouble understanding men since.
John Gray's Mars and Venus series is excellent, too.
Are women really this desperate? 
2008-07-05
This book was great. It was witty and funny, and sad at the same time. Are women really this desperate? So many of the letters in this book reminded me of friends of mine who use every excuse in the book (literally) to defend their relationships with loser guys. It's nice that someone is finally telling it like it is!
She's Just Not That Into the Truth 2008-08-05
I read my roommate's copy of this book. After she broke up with her boyfriend, she brought it and a copy of "It's Called A Breakup Because It's Broken" home and we read them aloud together and laughed. I suppose we are each other's "breakup buddies," something one or the other of these books recommends getting after you've dumped or been dumped. Let me make one thing clear, I hate self-help books and can't help but wonder about the motivations of those who write them. This one's no different. I will say this though, a short way into this book I realized that my partner of 6.5 years who recently dumped me HAD read the book (in secret) and had followed its directions to the letter. Does that make me bitter? No more so than I would have been anyway, but I do believe a lot of this "advice" is reckless, scantily researched, and ultimately designed as bathroom reading destined for the bargain bin. (Although I understand it's soon to be made into a movie: Why?)
What is most irritating to me about the book is the premise that women are more serious about relationships than men, that their agendas are more important, and that they should make these sorts of decisions without involving their chosen one. Just buy the book, read it in secret or share it with your girlfriends, plot your escape, and bail. At least that's what happened in our happy home. Heads up guys: if your live-in girlfriend starts copying all your CDs onto her hard drive one day with no explanation as to why, get ready for the heave-ho, or more likely, the walk-out.
Here's a suggestion, why not a companion piece: "She's Just Not That Into You: The Honest Man's Field-Guide to Goldiggers, Swingers, Princesses, and Women Who Read Self-Help Books."
He is just not 2008-08-04
This book takes out a lot of the drama in relationships that some of us cant seem to get enough of. But when you see the relationship for what it is (minus the drama)then its really not so bad that "Hes just not into you" and you can get on with your life.
I also recommend I Love You. Now What?: Falling in Love is a Mystery, Keeping It Isn't my favorite book about relationships and sex
Versatile 2008-07-31
About 4 years ago, a friend of mine gave me this book for my birthday.
I'm a gay man and had been in a couple one-way relationships in the previous years. My friend was tired of hearing me pine after men who were just not that into me.
I enjoyed the read . . . applied it to my love life. No boyfriend right now, but I FEEL much better. Empowered.
BUT, the biggest positive aspect of this book that I have taken from reading it was not even (at least to my knowledge) intentional on the part of the authors. I have taken the advice of "He's Just Not That Into You" and applied it to my FRIENDSHIPS, and THAT is what has changed my life much more (and for the better).
I'm no longer a friend who does all the calling, planning, caring, etc. If you're my friend, you'll share those responsibilities. Ironically, the friend who gave me the book fell into the "he's just not that into me" category, but I'll always be grateful for him introducing me to the idea.
Not applicable for any Christians on the dating scene 2008-07-28
A friend purchased this book for me, and the first few chapters were ok. Yes as ladies we need to stop making excuses and pick up the signs, if a guy isn't into us. However, I stopped reading after chapter 4, I thought ok, myabe 5 will be better, but then I read the title, and then the title of chapter six. Chapter four's title is that he's just not that into you if he isn't haveing sex with you. Well, let me tell you right here. If he's the kind of guy I would be interested in, we wouldn't be having sex. I'm, waiting for marriage, so it wouldn't happen. Chpater 5 is that he's just not that into you if he's having sex with someone else. Again, if he's having sex with anyone, he's not waiting for marriage and he isn't the kind of guy I would want any way. Theses two chapters were followed by He's just not into you if he only wants to see you when he's drunk.... ok seriously. This book has nothing to do with my lifestyle, nor is it applicable to the kind of guys I would date. So if you are a Christian or if you are simply waiting for marriage, this is most definitely NOT the book for you!
Great book! Every woman needs to read this!! 2008-07-21
All you single women need to read this book!! I'm sure we've all had a guy like that at one time or another...oh and the book arrived in a timely manner and was in great condition :)
