Customer Reviews
Empowering teenage girls 
2008-04-23
I want my precious 15 year old daughter to respect herself and be safe. We talk. I hope she listens. Her peers talk, I know she listens. Richard Dudum's book is one more voice, one more source of support and information I can offer my daughter with the hopes that it will help her make safe choices as she becomes a woman in this challenging time. I hope she listens. I can't make her read it but I put it on her bedside table and I have noticed the bookmark has moved. That's a good sign.
The 'invisible' subtitle I have decided could be...'What your mother told you but you couldn't hear BECAUSE she is your mother'. I talk a lot with my kids and as a teacher and parent educator , I have a lot of strong beliefs about learning, kids, parents, relationships, drugs and sex that they have heard over the years (or at least been present in the room while I have shared) sometimes engaging in a conversation and sometimes staying silent. Are they listening? I sense that they sometimes yearn for a 'Reader's Digest version' of what I have to say and sometimes they just want me to be quiet.
The chapters in this book are short...maybe the Reader's Digest version my kids have yearned for!
The chapters are short...that's why I think there's a chance my daughter will read them. The brevity means there are generalizations. That's OK by me because we continue to talk about the details. This book is not a substitute for parent support but an addition to the support we can give our daughters.
The language is direct. Again, a reason my daughter may actually start and keep reading.
I read the chapter, "How to Tell Your Parents" to two of my neighbors who both have teenage daughters going through difficult times...both parents were in tears. They are getting books for their daughters. We all just want our precious children to be safe. When they hurt, we hurt. We want to help them but they want and need to also be able to help themselves. I think this book can help them do that.
I remember reading once that choosing to be a parent is choosing to have your heart walking around outside of your body. That truly describes it for me...my heart is directly connected to an 18 year old boy and a 15 year old girl who are both negotiating a world that I cannot protect them from. I can love them, I can believe in them, I can keep talking with them and I can provide them with ways that they can love themselves,believe in themselves and protect themselves....this book is one more way I can help...one more way we can all help.
Torri Chappell
San Anselmo
Reviewed by Cynthia Murphy for Breeni Books 2008-03-23
At times, being a teenager feels like being lost without a compass or a map. Fortunately, Richard M. Dudum's What Your Mother Never Told You: A Survival Guide for Teenage Girls could provide some much-needed guidance for teenage girls. This book covers a number of topics including peer pressure, drugs, and sex. The information here is not new; Dudum's approach is what's new.
The book is broken into short, easy-to-read chapters. Dudum uses blunt language that will sound very familiar to teenagers. He doesn't mince words or sugarcoat any of the topics. At times the blunt language may shock some parents, but it won't shock the intended teenage audience. Some of the chapters are a bit redundant, but the repetition of certain themes (such as not rushing into a sexual relationship) really does drive Dudum's point home.
One area that may concern some parents involves the section about drinking. Dudum includes a chapter entitled "Let's Teach You How to Drink." In this chapter, Dudum acknowledges that underage drinking is wrong, but it is a fact of life. The chapter contains valuable information about how to manage drinking and what to watch out for when drinking. The emphasis in the chapter is not really on how to drink; it's much more about safety. Important information regarding date rape is included in this chapter. The information included in this section may disturb some parents, but it could provide a needed wake-up call for some teens.
The main lesson in What Your Mother Never Told You is the importance of personal accountability. Dudum emphasizes the importance of taking control of your own actions and admitting your own mistakes. These lessons are at the heart of each chapter. He even includes a chapter on how to tell your parents about a serious mistake. Some of the advice sounds like typical advice from Dad, but it is still relevant.
Dudum has also included several important appendices. These contain information about specific drugs, domestic violence, and how to help a friend in need. The appendices pull together valuable information that may be spread through several chapters. The addition of the appendices is a nice touch.
Richard M. Dudum's What Your Mother Never Told You: A Survival Guide for Teenage Girls does a great job of demystifying the teenage years. His advice is sound and heartfelt. Dudum's long history of working with teens shows in his understanding of their problems. The book's layout of short chapters makes it is easy to read and keeps it from sounding too clinical. This book could be a valuable guide for teenage girls and their parents.
Good message. Wrong delivery. 
2008-03-21
There's a lot to agree with in Richard M. Dudum's teenage girl survival manifesto, but...
The book simply reflects the opinions and rants of a father, who happens to be a lawyer and has no expertise or education in the subject matter he writes about. Though there are a few endnotes referenced, the content of the book often comes across (to which the author agrees), as a preachy sermon written by a hypersensitive man.
For me, a few of the chapters I read on teenage sex were uncomfortable and unnerving, like watching a feminine napkin TV commercial with your grandmother in the room. In the wake of the Feminist Movement, we're seeing more and more men mimicking traditional female behavior or duties.I've witnessed in Church the wimpy doting father holding the diaper bag over his shoulder, rushing after an accident to the diaper station while the mother stayed in the pew. Once at the playground, I watched a couple pillowy dads speak in high pitched voices to their boys, warning them of every possible danger involved with the monkey bars. Nowadays, every time a quarterback retires there's a pathetic burst of tears at the press conference that's acceptable to the multitude of our culture's football fans. (How the ghost of Lombardi weeps)
The best chapter in the book is where Mr. Dudum uses his expertise by breaking down the legal costs involved in getting caught in illegal activities. I also thought the indexes were good as they provided valuable information for kids who need professional help or guidance.
Though I don't like the packaging(pink and typical) and the preaching chapter after chapter, where I believe Mr. Dudum is spot on is in his important insight on the dignity of every female. As a father of a teen-age daughter it's important to me for my daughter to completely understand that her worth and value is not wrapped up in how many car horns are honked her way or by how many boys ask her to the prom. In my view, too many of our greatest female minds are pressured into hiking up their skirts or lowering their blouses in order to get attention. How sad it was to see somebody like Madonna, an actress, singer, and dancer, revert to packaging herself as a "boy toy" as a means to make a living. There is no dignity in selling yourself out.
As men, it's my hope we're not Spocked or Brazelton'd to the point we lose all sense of our manhood. Even a tough guy like Jim Harrison, the author, has been influenced by the changing mores. A few years back, he wrote a story completely from the female perspective. After reading it, his good friend Jack Nicholson, the actor, bluntly asked Harrison if he grew a set of _______s while writing it. Obviously, Harrison had discovered his feminine side.
In this book, "What Your Mother Never Told You," the author provides a serious message without the scholarly background needed. It's like writing a book on how to build a bridge without being an engineer. The subject matter at times will make you blush and cringe and seems more suited for female to female discussion.
Still, the author's main message is for young girls to take themselves seriously, to look beyond the superficiality of what they see in the mirror, in the teenage magazines, in the music videos, or on the small and big screen. For that alone, Mr. Dudum is to be applauded for his work.
I wish this book was around when I was a teenager! 2008-03-07
Teen girls today face situations that their parents couldn't even anticipate, let alone warn them about. Richard M. Dudum has worked with teens for twenty-eight years, and he knows what's really going on. What Your Mother Never Told You shares his observations with girls, so they can survive this turbulent time in their lives.
Teen girls need to recognize just how special they are. Several chapters focus on the importance of maintaining a good reputation and always putting your best foot forward. A girl needs to honor and respect herself so she can make sure she doesn't put herself in positions where her reputation will suffer.
Next the issues of sex, drugs and alcohol are covered, but not by using a lecture. Dudum doesn't condemn or condone their use. Instead he guides girls to "trust their stomach." He doesn't tell them not to drink, though he does strongly encourage them to avoid alcohol. Instead he advises them on how to handle drinking - to never get so drunk that they don't know what's happening around them.
He talks straight on sex, explaining how boys manipulate girls just to get into their pants. And he tells them how to know when to tell a boy that he's full of you-know-what. No girl owes a boy anything - no matter what he's said or given them.
This is a true survival guide, since many girls find themselves in very grave danger, through careless decisions or in places they have no business being. Dudum provides statistics and stories on girls who ended up either dead or sexually molested, as a reminder that there are consequences to every action.
Although it saddened me to see what teen girls face every day, this book was a wake-up call that I think girls can relate to. Dudum talks straight, in no-nonsense terms, as an adult figure they can trust. I believe this brilliant and well-written book can help girls to stay true to themselves, and avoid destructive behavior that will mar their reputations or possibly end their lives.
Reviewer: Alice Berger
Bergers Book Reviews
Providing her with the tools she needs 2008-03-05
Ah, the teenaged daughter. They are a wonder. I have my own and feel qualified to say this. I want to be everything I can for her, but we all know that this isn't possible. Providing her with the tools she needs for life is important. For this reason, I am ever grateful to Richard M. Dudum for authoring "What You Mother Never Told You." I could have used this book when I was a teen and I still appreciated the reminder of certain passages. Get a copy for the teenaged girls in your life, or get one for yourself if you fit that demographic. You'll be glad you did.
Your mother might have sat you down for "the talk" and you cringed, and she cringed. Likely it wasn't enough to answer all of your questions but maybe you couldn't stand it anymore. Maybe you were lucky enough to have a really open mom who you could talk to about anything, but I'll bet there were still a few things that didn't get covered. "What Your Mother Never Told You" covers everything. Yes, everything...from how you are perceived in high school - as a snob, slut, show off, or shy girl - to how you will be remembered at your twentieth reunion, from accepting compliments and gifts from a guy to what you should not feel obligated to give him in return, from telling your parents that you are embarrassed by their behavior, or even appalled by it, and everything in between. What should you do if a friend seems to have an eating disorder, or you think that you might? What can do for a friend who is cutting herself? How can you be supportive of a friend whose parents are getting divorced? What if you need that support?
Discovering who you are and who you aren't is part of being a teen (and an adult!) and this book can help sort things out. It's like having this really cool parent to guide you, but not tell you what to do. Robert offers his advice and readers are free to take it or leave it, but reading it is the way to make informed decisions. Information is an important tool to have, and the best possible tool any parent can hope to give their daughters.
Written in a no-nonsense, straight talk manner, "What Your Mother Never Told You" is right on target with today's teen. Each topic is covered succinctly and with care. In between are pretty images of floral designs, speaking to the femininity of its readers. Used as a tool for parents to broach topics with reluctant-to-talk teens or as a guide for them to read on their own, this book is sure to touch lives, inform minds, and even make you smile as you read about how "you don't owe him Jack..." It is "the talk" on subjects that might make you blush, but are the must have tools for today's society. Bravo!
A powerful read that touches the heart and mind of young women 2008-06-26
This is a warning that the review you are about to read is not my typical review. Every once in a while you read a book that is so powerful and touches you in such a way that you must talk about it in that fashion.
Such is the case with "What Your Mother Never Told You: A Survival Guide for Teenage Girls" by Richard M. Dudum.
When I began reading this book I kept thinking, "Gee, all this advice sounds like common sense. Why would anyone want to buy it?" But I'm a month shy of 40 years old, of course it all seems like common sense to me; I've already lived through it.
As soon as I got to the section titled How to Handle Yourself, however, everything changed. Suddenly, I was no longer a wife and mother with all my wordly experiences. I was back in high school trying to fit in, struggling to figure out who I was while dealing with the loss of my mother who died of cancer my freshman year. I had no confidence, no idea what I should or shouldn't be doing, and no one to guide me into adulthood because my father and I rarely spoke.
What a difference this book would have made in my life had it only been available back then!
"What Your Mother Never Told You" teaches young women about the importance of self-respect, removing themselves from situations they have no business being in, and how to get out if they happen to find themselves in one of those sticky situations. It talks about sex, drugs, alcohol, boys, personal safety, Internet safety, and many other topics that young women must know about in order to survive and thrive in today's world.
Dudum should be applauded for his dead-on, practical advice that he shares in a direct manner that young people will appreciate. There's no hand holding going on here, just a straightforward approach that reaches right to the hearts and minds of young women everywhere.
Also included are five Appendices including links to specific drug details; steps to take if the reader or someone she knows has been assaulted; signs to watch for that will help the reader identify if one of her friends is participating in self-destructive behavior; how to help a friend in need; and the lyrics to a song written by the author's son that summarizes the messages Dudum is trying to impart to the reader.
"What Your Mother Never Told You" is a must read for every young woman and should be available in school libraries and at your high school's guidance office. I encourage parents and daughters to read it together. I'll be tucking my copy away so that I can share it with my daughters when they are old enough.
These final words come from Page 221 and 222 of "What Your Mother Never Told You" and sum up my exact thoughts on how I feel as a mother of two girls growing up in a world that is sometimes less than safe:
"I want you to have fun, go to parties, meet boys and girls, dance, laugh, sing, and have a great time. At the same time, I want you to always anticipate and avoid potentially harmful people, places, situations, and the type of fun that can blur your reputation. I want you to always be smart and safe...I want you to be confident, elegant, and hold yourself to the highest standard, a standard that is beyond compare. A standard that YOU can and will always be proud of...I want you to always respect yourself."
A Definite Must Read 2008-05-21
Richard Dudum does a fantastic job of talking to young women in this book. The language, on occasion, is blunt and may put off some parents reading this book, but please do not let that stop you.
I have a 14 year old daughter who will be starting high school in the fall and she WILL be reading What Your Mother Never Told You this summer. Mr Dudum makes so many great points in this book. This book is broken up into 10 parts (11 if you include the section of Appendices) beginning with "Perceptions and Communication Skills" which deals with, in part, "Body Language". I think few girls understand that how they dress and act (flirting, etc) effect how boys will treat them. Should everyone treat everyone else the same, yes, do they, no.
With other subjects, such as "Your Parents", Mr Dudum let's the girls in on the secret that they didn't come to us with a manual. We don't know what we're doing most of the time; most of us are winging it. He gives them tricks and tools for dealing with us.
In the Prologue Richard M Dudum states his wish that this book would become required reading for middle school girls. I wholeheartedly agree with him. This book is chock full of helpful and important information for young girls/women. In my humble opinion, this book should be in every middle school library for 8th grade girls to read. It should be in every high school library as well. What Your Mother Never Told You should become a reference book for these young women. A book to turn to when they are having trouble, because let's face it, as much as we wish and want our children to turn to us when they have a question, they don't always feel like we'll listen to them. With this book in your home, you have a tool for your girls to begin a dialogue with you in an effortless manner (leave it out in the living room/kitchen with a bookmark in the appropriate chapter).
Thank you Richard M Dudum!
Haley Hodge, Allbooks Review recommends this one 2008-05-15
Genre: Self Help/Teens
Title: What Your Mother Never Told You: A Survival Guide for Teenage Girls
Author: Richard Dudum
The teen years are filled with questions. Author Richard Dudum does not give us all of the answers but he certainly does help guide us in the right direction.
Mr. Dudum does not soften his words. The advice comes across like a warning. He prepares you very well for possible future situations, and then tries to give advice that will keep you out of trouble. He helps you avoid these situations and if you can not avoid them, then you will be well equipped to handle them as they come. He seems to understand the troublesome problems that present themselves to a teenage girl.
Topics covered in the book include: Mean Girls, Confidence, Respect, Attitude, Media, and Relationships to name just a few. Subjects like knowing yourself, how you present yourself to others, the people around you and the consequences for your actions are covered in depth. Also the impact you have on others and the impact others have on you. My particular favorite was how you will be remembered after high school.
Most of the perspective is female however he does cover the male perspective in a few chapters. The chapters on sex are most direct, enlightening and definitely educational.
The Author, Richard Dudum is the father of four children, three of them teenagers. Parents and teaches might like this book as a communication tool.
All in all I found the book to be helpful, interesting and easy to read. The vocabulary is understandable and topics easy to relate to. It is a valuable guide for all teenage girls and highly recommended by Haley Hodge, Allbooks Review.
A good book to open dialogue 2008-04-28
Being a teenager has to be one of the most difficult ages. You have the body and hormones of an adult and unfortunately you don't have the experience that you do when your older. I think this book is a great source as a guide to open discussion with your teenager, or younger family member.
What I liked about this book was the way the topics were grouped together. I liked that this book went through a variety of issues, such as sex and dating and did so bluntly. For example one of the best bits of advice was that teenage boys will say anything to get what they want from you physically and it was put very bluntly. Most books like to dance around the real issues.
While I may not agree with every point that is made, but I am hopeful that it will open dialogue with other teenagers or even another adult. I think this is a good book to read if you are an adult with a teenager in your life, because it may remind you of what a difficult time it was, and it may help you give better advice. If you are a teenager, I think this is a good book because it is frank and tells you like it is.
A Bestseller for Teens and Parents! 2008-04-24
"What Your Mother Never Told You--A Survival Guide for Teenage Girls" reveals truths to your daughters in an up-close and personal way. Better than any reality show, sitcom, music video or networking--Richard Dudum's years of experience working with youth was the impetus for this compelling must-have resource, written to every young female.
Though the words are simple and the chapters short, the message of Dudum's book is direct and shouts undeniable facts--facts that should make this book mandatory reading.
Since time began the female gender has always been the object of many desires--good and bad. In years gone by girls were taught about life and choices within the home. The world was a much different place and the consequences of poor choices less harsh. However, the youth of today are bombarded with confusion, lies, and half-truths--anything but the reality of their choices. In actuality today's children are basically being told not to think, just follow the lead of anyone, everyone--except the ones who treasure them most and have the least to gain, except the satisfaction of successful parenting.
Socially, intellectually, physically, academically and even spiritually, both overtly and subliminally, the minds of today are being fed anything and everything depending on the agenda of the messenger. One simple experiment can blast open the ears of the hearts of parents--Turn off the sound of any popular music television network and ask yourself one question... "What are they selling my child?" It doesn't take a rocket scientist or a brain surgeon to realize that anything goes as long as it is profitable for the producer. Follow the money--therein lies the real message.
Innocence once treasured is lost for the sake of monetary gain and lives of younger generations are forever influenced--because... "If it's on TV, at the theater, in the magazines, on the radio, or available at stores--then it must be ok." The sad part is that this kind of thinking rises to influence grown adults, as well. Just look at statistics on divorce, pornography, infidelity, drug and alcohol abuse, sexually transmitted diseases, etc., rape and other violent crimes against women and so on and so on...
If you love your child, young or old--if you value their mind, their life--then buy this book--put it where they'll find it. If they pick it up, they'll read it--because this book is written to them, in words that they understand. And when they are finished... you read it--then open the lines of communication by listening to all they share. Give this book to a friend, a family member, a teacher, a pastor, a counselor. Write about it on your blog, tell your neighbor, anyone you know who has a heart for kids--albeit their kid or any kid.
The pages of this book are filled with passion and awareness as Richard writes to their hearts--sharing thoughts, advice and wisdom pertinent to today, yet universal through the generations. Trekking through turbulent traffic, in the teen years requires trust, time and tenacity--tools Richard has tried to provide teenagers to effectively communicate and travel triumphantly. "What Your Mother Never Told You--A Survival Guide for Teenage Girls" is a book that will speak volumes to everyone who reads it. What better legacy can you leave than that of teaching your sons or daughters the truth? It's all here written from a father's heart to all youth.
