Infidelity. A Survival Guide :: Education by Design Store

Customer Reviews

Well Worth The Read

2008-04-28
Infidelity is a life altering event for most people and can be a horrible thing to try and find reconcilation with. This book offers insight into the many different aspects of it. It can't change the situation for the people who are the dealing with this issue but it does help to answer some of the millions of questions that plaque the minds of those afflicted by this most heartbreaking event. It is certainly worth the time it takes to read.

The perfect starting point

2008-04-04
This book is truly a "How to" on getting through what may well be the worst time in your life. It is written in plain language and offers advice on other reading and selecting a therapist, if you feel that you need one. No one expects to find themselve in this situation and this is a great guide to help you deal with the pain and move forward.

Reader

2008-02-13
I thought this book was a tremendous resource in helping me better understand my perspectives on my relationship. It provides valuable information that helps the reader develop language for positive communication, and also offers insight that can be helpful in trying to understand your mate's feelings and motivations. It helped me organize my thoughts and gave me the vocabulary to clearly define my emotions, my expectations, and my situation. I would recommend this book to anyone who has had an affair, who has considered an affair, and especially to any individual whose mate has had an affair.

Faith and Trust Put to the Test

2007-10-05
This is a brief and succinct book on the subject of infidelity. While much of the material is addressed to couples experiencing marital difficulties, the counsel and advice provided is helpful to unmarried couples in long term relationships also. Too often, the term "infidelity" is used as a polite euphemism for adultery. While infidelity can include adultery, a more narrow term which has both legal and moral implications, infidelity is really a much broader concept that relates to betrayal, disloyalty and faithlessness. Infidelity is all about breaching trust. As Lusterman correctly observes, while adultery always involves illicit sexual activities in violation of marital vows for at least one of the parties in the triangle, infidelity can encompass even purely emotional affairs that do not necessarily include sexual intimacy in all instances. Someone who maintains that a long time confidant is just "a good friend" may very well be involved in infidelity nonetheless by violating the exclusivity of another relationship with an innocent third person. One may be engaged in infidelity through dishonesty and unfaithfulness alone. Since communication is a key element to the success of any meaningful relationship, constant lying or omitting to speak the truth often rises to the level of infidelity. While many couples are able to rehabilitate their relationships by renewing communications after an episode of infidelity is exposed and improve themselves in the process, Lusterman warns that such recoveries are impossible with offending individuals who fail to admit their faults despite evidence to the contrary and who refuse to express any remorse for the harm that their actions have caused to others. The best one can do in these instances is to admit the obvious and move forward. Lusterman has a doctoral degree and a lengthy career record as a therapist. This concise book addresses the pain and shock that often accompanies the discovery of infidelity, often after lengthy periods of suspicion, and methods for coping with the hurt and recovering a sense of one's own self esteem. In an era in which many people rely upon the Internet to maintain regular communications and in which long distance relationships are increasingly common as a result, one needs to be prepared. Bad things sometimes do happen to good people. Lusterman's book is a valuable reference tool. It may even serve to promote a sense of healing for some people who have been victims of infidelity and allow them to forgive those who committed the acts of infidelity.

Great place to start

2006-10-27
This book lays out a very tough subject in an approachable way. I felt much better after reading this guide. As the recently betrayed I was looking for so many answers, and this book pointed me in the right direction. My cheating spouse also found this a helpful, "easy" read.

The FIRST book you should read.

2006-08-10
Don-David Lusterman, a psychologist practicing in Baldwin, New York, believes that couples who work hard can save their marriages following an affair: "People often find that once infidelity is discovered and its aftereffects are behind them, their relationship is stronger than before, and subsequent infidelity is unlikely." This isn't true only of married couples--Lusterman points out that people in long-term, committed relationships, whether straight or gay, face the same devastating emotions and have to go through a similar rebuilding process if they want to remain together after one has strayed. Whether or not a troubled couple chooses to stay together, Lusterman says the best outcome is when both partners experience changes and new insights into their lives. He provides several case studies in which couples began to regain their trust through new communication, and instructs on the kind of feelings-expressing language that can help. (He also provides a section on finding a good therapist.) This book will help people on either side of an affair begin to understand what's going on, and help them find the resources they need to continue that quest. --Ben Kallen

Clear and Comprehensible

2006-04-07
Dr. Lusterman comes to this subject with years of experience as a private practitioner and university level teacher in family therapy. This book is well written in language suited for professionals and the couples who seek their help in recovering from the trauma of affairs.

Need help understanding?

2005-05-13
I bought this book to help me understand and put perspective on my marriage. Last year I had an affair and told my husband. We both had a hard time. He couldnt understand why I did what I did, and neither could I. We had been married for 10 years and together for 13. After a few months he went and had an affair with a mutual friend. I couldnt understand and have spend the last year trying to understand and get through it. It was totally eating me up/ I know I did the exact same thing and several times more than he did. I was so hurt by the betrayal. I ordered this book and read it in 2 days. It had really helped me understand why I had an affair to begin with. I was trying to replace the romance I thought was missing. It gave good insight into what leads to the breakdown of a marriage and how to prevent it. I could have used this information a year ago. It also spoke of retalitory affairs. It shed some light on how my husband was feeling and how bad I had hurt him. After reading this book I was finally able to sit down and talk to him about everything that happened without either one of us getting mad and screaming. We are working on building trust and with the help of the knowledge we got from this book, I have faith in us. I would recommend it to anyone who is hurting like I was.

this book saved my life...

2004-04-22
This book saved my sanity and has given me back my confidence and self esteem. As I read it, I felt as if I could have written it. It is very balanced and easy to read without a lot of psycho-babble. I also liked it because it is written for both the "involved" partner and the "discovering" partner. I recommend this as the first book any partner should read when faced with this incredibly painful situation. I am still in the very beginning stages of recovery but this book helped restore my sense of hope in the future, whatever the outcome.

Very good

2003-06-14
Easy to understand and relate to. Helps you to understand all of the emotions involved and experienced.