The Co Parenting Survival Guide. Letting Go of Conflict after a Difficult Divorce

Customer Reviews

Trust this author with your children

2005-04-13
I went through a high-conflict divorce in Connecticut in 2004, complete with restraining orders, police, and the whole 9 yards. As I saw the divorce approaching, I researched a great deal of divorce/parenting literature on my own, hoping to find a framework of something my (soon-to-be) ex and I could agree to work with, and I found this book. I read it and gave a copy to my ex. I also found an divorce/custody attorney who would focus on our children's interests, and his very first recommendation was to get this book and see Dr. Thayer in her practice jointly with my ex.
I'm grateful I had the expertise of Dr. Thayer to help me let go of conflicts I had with my ex. The guiding principle of the book and her joint practice (which is called The Peace Program) is to transform a personal, contentious relationship with an ex into a business-like relationship focused on the children's welfare. In a high-conflict divorce, this is a very difficult objective -- conflict can be blinding and all-consuming -- but it is possible, and the energy is of course better spent on the children. The book outlines suggestions to facilitate parenting business, such as a weekly parenting phone call (a business call) and a dozen Golden Parenting Rules. In the end, after the parents extinguish their fighting, the children get their parents back, and a good deal of their childhood back, because the parents choose to work together as co-parents. Through the 18 months I've been using this book, I find myself living in various chapters of it, depending on the evolution of my divorce. As the children get older, new issues arise, and the book remains on the top shelf of my bookshelf, where my most useful books reside.

Protecting Children

2005-02-25
I have been a psychotherapist specializing in divorce issues for almost 18 years. The Co-Parenting Survival Guide is primary recommended reading for all my warring ex-couples. It is practical, realistic and right on target for this usually angry population. It can prevent irreparable harm to children of divorce, since the most prevalent cause of divoce-related damage to children is continued animosity between their parents. Buying a copy for an ex-spouse as well as for yourself will be an investment in the emotional well-being of your children.

Highly Recommended

2001-06-15
This book is absolutely crucial reading for anyone who is trying to co-parent in the aftermath of a difficult separation and/or divorce. The tone of the book is positive while remaining solidly realistic about what you can and can't do, it's also excellent at forcing you to return your focus to what's most important...your children, without being judgmental of you the parent. Those of us in this very challenging and difficult situation will feel encouraged and supported in the decision to raise the children together despite the hostility, anger, hurt and grief. This book made me see the light at the end of the tunnel and gave me hope and I feel certain it can do the same for others, I can't recommend it highly enough. I don't know how the authors know so precisely what the common issues and behavior patterns are of parents in this situation, but they are completely right on.

Buying this book for my ex-husband...

2007-12-31
Even though it's titled, THE CO-PARENTING SURVIVAL GUIDE: LETTING GO OF CONFLICT AFTER A DIFFICULT DIVORCE, I wish that I had read this book BEFORE the divorce was final because of all the outstanding ideas about co-parenting, that you, your former spouse, your lawyer(s) or even the court, may not address. BUT, if you are an open minded parent and willing to do what is in the best interest of your child/children (and isn't that the reason you are looking at this book to begin with), it offers some really outstanding suggestions.

I especially love the Co-Parenting Contract. It goes beyond the divorce decree, and really sets-up some workable guidelines for parents and children.

This book addresses several topics, offering up suggestions and examples.

A bit simplistic but a good help

2007-04-24
The book was a bit simplistic, much of the same information was covered in the New Hampshire Mandatory co parenting class. But it was still some very good advice.

Nothing ground breaking here but it's a good collection of what you probably should know.

A BOOK TO BE AVAILABLE ON DISPLAY IN EVERY LIBRARY

2007-01-09
THE BOOK: THE CO-PARENTING SURVIVAL GUIDE: LETTING GO OF CONFLICT AFTER A DIFFICULT DIVORCE...
BY ELIZABETH THAYER, PH.D.
IN THIS ERA OF SPOILED BRATS (THE PARENTS), THIS BOOK WILL HELP WITH THE CONFLICTS OF TODAY!! WE ARE NOT LOOKING AT THE REAL MEANING OF TWO PEOPLE MAKING THE COMMITTMENT OF MARRIAGE!!! SOCIETY HAS PROGRESSED TO THE SIZE OF THE WEDDING, THE DREAM OF THE PERFECT WEDDING, NOT THE COMMITTMENT OF REALLY LOVING THE PERSON YOUR MARRYING. CONSEQUENTLY, PEOPLE MARRY AND HAVE CHILDREN, THEN WHEN THE STRAIN OF MAKING A MARRIAGE WORK BECOMES TOO HARD......THEN DIVORCE IS INEVITALBLE. THEN THE GAMES.... BEGIN, ONE OR BOTH PARENTS DECIDE THAT THEIR FORMER PARTNER IS NOT WHO THEY WANT THEIR CHILDREN AROUND.....SO, POISION THE CHILDREN'S MINDS AGAINST THE OTHER PARENT. THIS BOOK HELPS BOTH PARTIES REALIZE HOW TO WORK WITH THEIR OWN CONSCIENCE....AS WELL AS HELP MAKE THE CHILDREN AS COMFORTABLE WITH THE SITUATION (WHICH MUST BE FIRST IN THE PARENTS MINDS). DRAGING EACHOTHER THROUGH THE COURTS IS NOT THE ANSWER, COURTS JUST DEAL WITH WHICH SIDE AS MORE LEVERAGE, EVEN THE PSYCHOLOGISTS JUST PLAY WITH THE SITUATIONS. WE NEED MORE BOOKS LIKE THIS, AGAIN DISPLAYED IN EVERY LIBRARY IN THE UNITED STATES.

The book I wish I had written

2006-01-08
I am a play therapist, author of "The Successful Divorce, In The Eyes of the Child" course and have taught parenting divorced for nine years. This is the book that says it all. The authors teach in clear logical manner how to co parent your children. They are sensitive to the pain both parents and children feel post divorce and teach how to proceed in parenting. I frequently use sections of their book in teaching to remind parents that they must still work together enough to meet children's needs. This is a concise book, no long drawn out narratives or tales of others pain... just the facts and how to avoid the pitfalls. I and the children of divorce, owe these authors a huge thank you. Their new book is also great,

5 gift copies (and counting)

2005-08-03
when i divorced two years ago, reasonably contentiously and with a four year old daughter, the best advice i got was to read this book. i did, with highlighter in hand, and found it absolutely invaluable. i continue to this day to consider it absolutely invaluable! such that, i just ordered a gift copy for my brother and his new wife, to help them with my niece and her co-parent. that gift brings the total i've purchased for others up to five. its an unfortunate reality that there will probably be more in the future, but the book helps immensely and so there will be gifts.