Customer Reviews
Good practical help 
2008-05-13
This is a no nonsense approach to keeping your cool while
helping your kids listen and learn about life. Even though
it might not work with all kids this book is a must read
for any parent the earlier you read it the better.
I can get my son to do things -- and we're both happy 
2008-04-25
My son just turned 2 and is at a very independant age. I wanted to write this review because of one that I read about this book. One thing is that no one can go by 1 book and take it as gospel (obviously) but there are a lot of great things that make you stop and reflect with this book. I can honestly say that I can now get my son to wear a jacket and let me change his diaper because I give him choices that still get me what I want. "do you want to wear your blue jacket or your red jacket" he is so consumed with what color he wants to wear that he forgets that he didn't want to wear a jacket in the first place at 55*. As simple as it seems, it works over 90% of the time with my son. I even got my husband on board because he saw the results.
As for the "spanking" most of this book I did agree with. I will not swat my son on the butt for throwing his food on the floor, but I will if he runs into the street! Not one time in this book does it suggest spanking as a solution to anything.
It is an easy read and worth every minute.
Informative and helpful 2008-04-14
This book was helpful and informative for us. We always need extra help and good ideas, this book offers both. We have seen a change in our child too, as we offer more choices and love to him.
Wonderful book for parents 2008-04-12
I would highly recomend this book to anyone that wants help parenting there kids the christian way.
Best Parenting Book Ever!! 2008-04-10
My sister's partner just has the lovliest kids (5, 13 & 15). My own had a habit of being rude to me, ignoring my requests for cooperation around the house and being very ungrateful for all the things they have. I begged her to tell me her secret & she recommended this book. I got it from the library & decided to purchase my own copy within a week. Our home life has changed drastically! I hardly ever yell now. My eldest, 9 yrs old, says he doesn't like the Love & Logic approach - he'd rather I just yell.....
Helpful tips: Really, this only works if you (the parent) doesn't nag & lecture or go into 'I-told-you-do-so' moralizing, etc.
GOOD LUCK!
Good read 2008-04-02
Need help with your kids? Learn how to parent with love and logic and be amazed at the great results! Now with a new look and updated content, readers will enjoy passing along this best-kept parenting secret to their friends.
Horrifying and potentially very damaging 
2008-04-01
I am not a licensed child therapist, but I am a journalist (and parent) who has done quite a bit of research into this topic. While this book may seem broadly appealing, especially for parents who are at wits' end and are looking for a quick solution to behavioral and disciplinary problems, I would urge readers great caution and more than a grain of salt if they intend to apply the methodologies listed within.
Readers should understand that while this book appears to offer a balanced approach based on teaching a child to understand the consequences of his decisions, it advocates some approaches -- for example, spanking -- that have been proven by the scientific community to be ineffective. As other one- and two-star reviewers have noted, other "consequences" are borderline abusive (withholding food, for instance).
It bears noting that the primary author, Foster Cline, is a pioneer of a very controversial therapeutic approach called Attachment Therapy, in which children are physically restrained and physically and verbally tormented (some would say tortured) in an attempt to get them to acknowledge the dominant role of the parent and to "give up" rage and related behaviors. Dr. Cline in 1995 was charged with various breaches of professional conduct by the Colorado State Board of Medical Examiners.
Attachment Therapy is viewed with at best skepticism and at worst horror by the mainstream psychiatric community. The approach has been implicated in the deaths of four children (ranging in age from 10 to 2) in which AT therapists and/or parents have suffocated or crushed children and in one case caused death by overhydration, when a four-year-old was force-fed water after she drank her sister's juice.
Please be very careful if you choose to purchase this book and put the principles into action. Do not feel you have to follow the guidelines as gospel and if anything seems wrong to you as a parent, heed your conscience. Better yet, eschew this book and look for those based on sounder psychological principles (the books by Adele Faber are excellent).
Great 2008-03-19
Love the concepts and book ~ a real must read !
Some suggestions seem to be far fetched but the book gave me tons of valuable inputs and I guess everybody should implement only the strategies they strongly believe in anyhow.
I like the theory, NOT their execution 
2008-03-04
I borrowed this book from the library and have just finished reading part one. I will admit first that I am the product of what the authors call "helicopters," so some of the ideas in the book are unusual to me.
In general, I like the idea of natural consequences, enforcable choices, and encouraging children to think through their problems. I can see myself using these principles with my own daughter, but not always the way the authors do it. Some of the sample dialogues in the book are reasonable but many do not sound as genuine and empathetic as the authors imply.
Some of the examples in the book and in the "pearls" are making me very upset. In one case, a child has been neglecting her dog by not feeding it, so the mom just gives it away with no warning and without confronting the girl about it. The authors admit this is a really tough approach but that's how kids learn that unless you take care of your health and your animals serious illness or death can result. Now this sounds crazy to me. In our home, we think of pets as a family responsibility, so that might be one difference. Still, wouldn't it teach the girl more about empathy to sit her down and say "you can either come up with a schedule and feed the dog or we are giving it away, you have one week to improve." Why do these authors feel that giving someone a second chance is a bad thing? It seems this might teach her "if I don't fulfill my responsiblity, someone else will take care of it for me."
Another example is a mom who asked her son to do something and he mouths off and refuses. So the next day when he asks for a ride she says, yesterday you showed me that asking nicely can be ignored, so I'm not going to drive you to your activity, even though you asked nicely. Isn't that just being petty and/or spiteful? That's a great lesson for your kid.
A third example is a kid who blows his lunch money and allowance on a carnival and has no money for lunch at school. So he asks his dad if he can make a lunch from food in the fridge. The dad says, yes, but you have to pay for it because I already gave you money for lunch once. Really? Your kid offers to take responsibility to make his own lunch all week and you are going to charge him for it? I'd think remembering to make lunch everyday would teach him the lesson. I agree to not giving him more money, but charging for the food in the fridge sounds stingy - won't he learn that as part of the lesson too?
I think it is possible for kids to learn self-reliance with this method but some of the examples just sound like the kids would end up feeling like their parents are not willing to help them out without significant groveling. It sounds as though a Love and Logic parent is not supposed to give advice or help a kid work on the solution, or not until the child has time to ponder it and slink back to ask for help. I'm not advocating parents do the solving, just help, like talking it out with them or brainstorming. I thought helping others is an important value to teach our kids (not being doormats, being a sounding board to say "what do you think would happen if you used that solution?"). This seems to teach "I'm genuinely sorry you have a problem but it's still yours." Nice.
I just wonder if some of these examples I've listed would make the kid feel like their parents view them as impositions or that the parents really begrudge them something. I realize that how you do it depends on the age of the child, but some of this still seems pretty harsh the way the authors do it. In some cases I don't think that helping them is equal to bailing them out. The examples sound like the parent says "I know you will come up with a solution" and then they just walk away.
I greatly prefer How to Talk so Kids Will Listen and How to Listen so Kids Will Talk. It also emphasizes consequences and letting kids make choices and solve problems themselves but it shows you how to do this and keep talking with them at the same time. If Love and Logic is a turn-off for you, consider reading this other book before throwing out the consiquences/choices method entirely.
New insight and Understanding for those Helping Couples 2008-02-29
I have just finished reading the book, "Parenting with Love and Logic," by Foster Cline and Jim Fay. Because I am interested in going into the field of Marriage and Family Counseling, I found this book to give me new insight and understanding in working with couples dealing with parenting issues.
So many people struggle with effective parenting, and I like the approach this book gives. The author's goal is to help parents raise responsible kids that feel good about themselves. They begin by discussing ineffective parenting styles, and so many of us may see ourselves within those styles. They continue by giving a new model of parenting in which children are responsible for their actions and have logical consequences to each action. Children must know and understand these consequences, and be free to choose their own actins and accept responsibility for what they choose.
Kline and Fay talk about the concept of self-esteem and building a child's self-esteem. They bring up a great point between the difference between praise and encouragement and how to use the mistakes children make as opportunities.
I appreciated the chapter on setting limits and thinking through words as parents. The authors challenged me to say what I think and mean what I say, instead of making empty threads. They advocate gaining control through logical consequences and giving choices.
Finally, this book ends with what they term, "Love and Logic Pearls," where they discuss various situations and what the practical view of love and logic is in each situation. For example, dealing with anger issues, money, fighting, bedtime, tears, toilet training, temper tantrums, etc. (Cline & Fay, 2006).I found these to be extremely valuable resources and I have used them in my own parenting. I plan to use the concepts in this book as I counsel others. Because I have found these things to be effective myself, I can stand behind these wholeheartedly and explain them to my clients with confidence.
Online Counseling and Telephone Counseling could be a useful way to help struggling couples. To learn how to provide Online Counseling and Telephone Counseling, try this excellent clinical guide: The Therapist's Clinical Guide to Online Counseling and Telephone Counseling: The Definitive Training Guide for Clinical Practice
(review by Ginger Ernst)
