Perfect Love, Imperfect Relationships. Healing the Wound of the Heart

Editorial Review
While most of us have moments of loving freely and openly, it is often hard to sustain this where it matters most—in our intimate relationships. Why, if love is so great and powerful, are human relationships so challenging and difficult? If love is the source of happiness and joy, why is it so hard to open to it fully and let it govern our lives? In this book, John Welwood addresses these questions and shows us how to overcome the most fundamental obstacle that keeps us from experiencing love's full flowering in our lives. Perfect Love, Imperfect Relationships begins by showing how all our relational problems arise out of a universal, core wounding around love that affects not only our personal relationships but the quality of life in our world as a whole. This wounding shows up as a pervasive mood of unlove—a deep sense that we are not intrinsically lovable just as we are. And this shuts down our capacity to trust, so that even though we may hunger for love, we have difficulty opening to it and letting it circulate freely through us. This book takes the reader on a powerful journey of healing and transformation that involves learning to embrace our humanness and appreciate the imperfections of our relationships as trail-markers along the path to great love. It sets forth a process for releasing deep-seated grievances we hold against others for not loving us better and against ourselves for not being better loved. And it shows how our longing to be loved can magnetize the great love that will free us from looking to others to find ourselves. Written with penetrating realism and a fresh, lyrical style that honors the subtlety and richness of our relationship to love itself, this revolutionary book offers profound and practical guidance for healing our lives as well as our embattled world.

A workshop based on this book is also available in audio. For more information, click here.
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Customer Reviews

Perfect Love, Imperfect Relationships: Healing the Wound of the Heart

2008-09-25
Perfect Love, Imperfect Relationships is a tender book based on clinical sound concepts and essential spiritul truths that transcend any one spiritual path. It is a human work of love for each of us to imbibe whether we are professionals, seekers or simply want to feel loved and safe.
Michele Thompson LMFT

Robbing Stephen Levine

2008-09-14
Welwood is a good writer whose books read smoothly. My problem is that he borrows most of his ideas from people like author Stephen Levine. Read Levine's book "Embracing the beloved: Relationship as a path of awakening" or "Gradual Awakening" and see what I'm talking about for yourself. Levine's books predate Welwood's by 10 and 30 years so there's no question about whose robbing who.

Success again.

2008-08-26
As a psychotherapist with 30 years experience, who works with couples, I consider this book to be one of the best for therapists of all levels of training. My colleagues and I agree that the best way to use this book is to savor its contents, digesting the lessons slowly, perhaps even reading sections to clients. Welwood is a gifted writer,centered in his psychospiritual approach without neglecting important aspects of patient-therapist connection.

An excellent look at what makes love work

2008-07-28
In this book, Welwood examines the concept of unlove and how that concept motivates the unhealthy patterns that people sometimes act out when in a relationship. I enjoyed this book as I enjoyed his other books. What I found useful was his thoughtful but also detailed examination of unlove and how it manifests. His examples of his work with clients was also helpful for illustrating his theories about unlove. Most importantly I came away with a better recognition of my own issues and how to cultivate a good awareness of those issues. Highly recommended for anyone who wants to better love hirself.

Perfect love imperfect relationships

2008-04-28
This book "Perfect Love Imperfect Relationships" is great. It really goes to the root of the problem and the reason why we feel unlove and can't connect with those around us. It is the "go ahead" to opening the window of opportunity to a meaningfull life, while creating a new way to see the world. It encourages us to seek to forgive our past and focus on the present in order to have happier lives. In my particular case, it was the answer I was looking for. I agree with the writer. I had a trouble childhood and this book made me realized that I am in control of my life right now. It made me realized that I am not at the mercy of anyone. I strongly recomend it!!

Excellent

2008-03-31
While most of us have moments of loving freely and openly, it is often hard to sustain this where it matters most—in our intimate relationships. Why, if love is so great and powerful, are human relationships so challenging and difficult? If love is the source of happiness and joy, why is it so hard to open to it fully and let it govern our lives? In this book, John Welwood addresses these questions and shows us how to overcome the most fundamental obstacle that keeps us from experiencing love's full flowering in our lives. Perfect Love, Imperfect Relationships begins by showing how all our relational problems arise out of a universal, core wounding around love that affects not only our personal relationships but the quality of life in our world as a whole. This wounding shows up as a pervasive mood of unlove—a deep sense that we are not intrinsically lovable just as we are. And this shuts down our capacity to trust, so that even though we may hunger for love, we have difficulty opening to it and letting it circulate freely through us. This book takes the reader on a powerful journey of healing and transformation that involves learning to embrace our humanness and appreciate the imperfections of our relationships as trail-markers along the path to great love. It sets forth a process for releasing deep-seated grievances we hold against others for not loving us better and against ourselves for not being better loved. And it shows how our longing to be loved can magnetize the great love that will free us from looking to others to find ourselves. Written with penetrating realism and a fresh, lyrical style that honors the subtlety and richness of our relationship to love itself, this revolutionary book offers profound and practical guidance for healing our lives as well as our embattled world.

A workshop based on this book is also available in audio. For more information, click here.

the only "self help" book you should ever read

2008-03-26
This is a very clear and compelling book that gives meditation-based strategies for overcoming the kind of bad programming we all received as children and that we tend to carry around as unredressed grievances and bottled-up self-hatred. Rather than indulging or enabling the "inner child"--something that too many self-help books tend to do--this book explores how you can learn to let go of it and grow up.

Welwood's ideas and terminology are steeped in Buddhism and the Gurdjieff tradition, but they are presented so clearly and skillfully that anyone would find them relevant and accessible. This is the best $15 bucks you will ever spend.

Perfect Love...

2007-10-13
i have to admit my psychotherapist recommended this book for me to read. i just wouldn't have picked this up on my own. it has taken me a while to read through this book. usually i whiz through them but being this book really hits home it has helped me work through certain issues. it's not that it is hard to read - it is an easy read - but he asks you to feel the pain you are going through so that you are able to heal... he challenges through the whole book to deal with your inner issues and embrace them (weird, huh?) so you may love yourself and heal. i know it sounds like a bit of psychobable but as i kept reading the book it made me realize certain issues that i was holding... i still have two more chapters to go but i do recommend this book. hope this review helps you.

For anyone who has loved and lost

2007-07-07
This is a great book. Very helpful in finding the self love it takes to forgive yourself when you fail in a relationship.
One of my favorites.

Great Couples Tool

2007-07-06
Whether or not you agree with everything said, this is a worthy investment of time and energy.