Alone Together. Making an Asperger Marriage Work

Customer Reviews

What about her needs?

2008-05-06
My heart bled for this woman, over and over. Why is it so many loving, sensitive women get in relationships with men with Asperger's? Aspie men are brilliant at presenting themselves as charming, intelligent, slightly shy or aloof and we flock to them like bees to honey- feeling that we are the ones who can rescue and bring them out of their lonely shells. I do understand much about Asperger's, and have great compassion, yet why is it that she stays in this marriage that keeps her constantly working so hard to keep him from getting upset or on overload? How could she stay after, "The Girlfriend"? She doesn't touch on a subject that is an issue in many Aspie/NT marriages and that is lying by the Asperger's partner, specifically in relation to infidelity. She begins to touch upon this in "The Girlfriend" chapter, but seems satisfied that Gavin once and for all learned his lesson. I somehow doubt it. Fooling other women who don't know them as well as we do can be addictive to husband's with Asperger's. They don't have to get that disapproving, disappointed vibe that we wives naturally give off after being hurt, lied to, let down countless times.
I think this women has begun to love her prison; and has lost her sense of self.

Thankyou

2008-04-21
I recently purchased this book as I suspect my husband has AS. It has been very informative in helping me communicate in a more successful manner and improve our relationship. I am still not sure if AS is applicable to my situation as I am still on the road to discovery. Any assistance is great.

Lifesaver / Marriage Saver

2008-04-07
I am married to an Aspie. I've read many books on this subject. So far, this one is helping *me* with my marriage. The other books helped me to understand the Aspie, but this one is helping me with my reactions to him. This book is written in layman's terms, and in story form which makes it easy for me to understand. I recommend this book highly.

This can bring a fresh start to an old relationship

2008-03-11
This book is written in a very relaxing and easy to read style, I do not think this is only for Asperger diagnosed people, but for everyone, since all of us show aspergians characteristics once in a while, specially when we are under a lot of stress, so the key is having open communication so we can understand why the other person did what he or she did, rather than walking away without having all the information. One of the key characteristics that I have taken away from this book is that Aspergian behavior seems to be triggered when we act out on our feelings without putting any bounderies or controls over them, then a balance is broken and people get hurt, however, understanding that some people do not know how to build those boundaries or limits can be the key to re-establishing an old relationship in new and fresh ways through teaching, practicing and lots of patience, lots of it, but the end result is all worth it, since we are all human beeings and we like each other's company although we may not know how to express it. Great book.

Helped our marriage

2008-01-24
My situation is similar to that of the authors husband, in that I have asperger's syndrome and am married. My wife is also blind, but I read the book to her, and it helped her understand how to help our marriage.

It was a big help. How some one with no aspie relations would relate to the book I cannot tell you.

An answer for the unexplainable

2007-11-27
When I first found this book at the library, my husband and I were first starting to look into Asperger's because we thought my son and husband might have it. Life kept me from reading this as soon as I would have liked, but once I did it was like having one a ha moment after another. Not only did it help confirm that AS is something my husband and son have, but myself as well.

Katrin Bentley writes from her own experience of living with a husband with AS. She offers a real and honest perspective of what her marriage has been like, and "gives strategies and hints on how to improve" your relationship with someone with AS. I love what she says in the first couple of pages, "Once we discovered AS was the cause of our endless misunderstandings we were able to come to terms with a different way of thinking". Misunderstood is how someone with Asperger's feels, and those married to people with AS must face many frustrations of not understanding why their spouse is the way they are. So, coming to a new way of thinking is about the best answer.

Katrin addresses so many different points about being AS, and married to someone who has it that it would take quite a while to mention them all. The most valuable thing that came from this book is it opened a door of communication and understanding between my husband and myself. I read portions to him that I thought we both related to, and we would have long talks about it.

I appreciate that Katrin does not bash someone with AS, but lovingly explains things, She is not an expert, but more of a friend and mentor. I would read anything else she wrote about AS.

A Modern "Beauty and the Beast" for Asperger Marriages

2007-08-06
Katrin Bentley got to the end of her rope with her husband. She looked into the dark hole that would be the end of her marriage. The expression of her pain is authentic and palpable. Once she knew her husband Gavin had Asperger's, she found the understanding and the perseverance to make it work. At times it seems she has compromised too much, but the family is saved and the needs of all get served in the less than ideal, real life struggle of their relationship. Through their heartbreak and efforts to refind each other, there is growth and happiness. This is a modern "Beauty and the Beast" as Katrin writes for the Asperger community and an important contribution to couples who have one partner with Asperger's.

--Robert A. Naseef, Ph.D., author of Special Children, Challenged Parents and co-editor Voices from the Spectrum.

Voices from the Spectrum: Parents, Grandparents, Siblings, People With Autism, And Professionals Share Their Wisdom