Editorial Review
The difficulties faced by people with Asperger Syndrome (AS) cannot be underestimated, but the emotional problems experienced by those around them - partners, family and friends - are often overlooked. Focusing on what is referred to as the Cassandra phenomenon, where the neurotypical partner often needs more emotional guidance than the AS partner, this volume gathers together letters, thoughts and poems to give voice to the loneliness, frustration and love felt by many individuals who are close to one or more people with AS. This collection provides the emotional support, insight and understanding needed to deal with the emotions that AS evokes within close relationships.
FAAAS Inc. (Families of Adults Afflicted with Asperger's Syndrome) aims to offer support to the family members of adult individuals afflicted with Asperger's Syndrome.
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Customer Reviews
my help line 
2007-10-01
This book came to me when i was about to give up, no-one seemed to understand me or possibly believe me,it has highlighted so many areas.. the words, "is anyone listening" lets one feel that there is hope and that there are others out there in the same situation.Autism with asperger traits or aspergers alone,there is something for all who have a spouse with the syndrome.This book does give a voice to the frustrations and lonliness that we feel,also how our spouses feel,broadening our understanding and giving us more insight,a must read.
Don't waste your money on this one 
2007-02-28
Maybe I'm biased because I'm autistic myself, but I had to throw this book away after the poem where the author described being married to her autistic husband as being chained in a dungeon then the next article proceeded to describe a family's autistic son as probably the worst thing that had ever happened to them - I wonder what life is like for the autistic people living in these situations?! I'm so glad I read this before I went to a FAAAS conference - I might have gotten lynched! Don't waste your money with this book . . .
Granted, I understand that it is frustrating for families living with those with autism - I live alone for my own benefit and that of potential roommates, but, especially for people who are married to someone who is autistic - if it is that bad, get out of the relationship - I know a couple where the husband is autistic and the wife is bipolar who have been trying to make their marrige work for 40 years and have failed miserably . . .
If you want to know what it is really like to be an adult autistic, go read something by Temple Grandin, Donna Williams, Dawn Prince-Hughes, Jen Birch, Edgar Schneider, Jerry Newport, or all the other wonderful authors who have taken the time to write books - if you want a positive example of a family dealing with autism read 'A Thorn In My Pocket' by Temple Grandin's mother (who's name I don't have in front of me) - don't waste your money on this one
Great book idea but bad representation! 
2006-10-27
In the beginning of this book they define the root of this book which is the Cassandra Phenomenon or the "invisible walking wounded." The organizations invented term for the disorder Asperger adults give those close to them. Wow! This says we Aspergers are a mess and doesn't give any great advice. It just says if there not diagnosed get the loved one or friend diagnosed and if your depressed join the club we are to! You have to be kidding. My boyfriend who is typical in all ways and is a doctor agrees the idea to have a book to support the supporters of the Syndrome especially adults is incredibly needed but this book does a poor job. One story I remember is a complaint story of how a wife can't understand her husband with Aspergers and hates it so much they divorce and never speek again with no regrets on her end. If you need a support book of Inspiration for someone like this maybe try Diagnosing Jefferson by the leading international publisher on the syndrome called Horizon.
Great for spouses of Aspies 2006-04-14
Finally! A book full of people that understand what it is like to live with and love someone on the spectrum. As the wife of an AS husband, this is so refreshing. Learning more about AS really helped our marriage. I am always so surprised to hear the inevitable people on the spectrum complaining that they will not change or learn at all - I guess they're perfect. Both the NT partner and the AS partner have to be accomodating; otherwise, AS people wouldn't have *any* family or friends left to share their lives. If I can gently remind my husband to give a little eye contact, and he knows it is something I find helpful or even romantic, then he is happy to go the extra mile. It's great to read a book that can shed some light on this. Any adult, NT, AS or otherwise should be mature enough to grow and work on things that are a problem for family members. NTs shouldn't have to do all the sacrificing, and I think AS folks with this attitude are stuck in childhood.
Thank you for this book!! 2005-12-26
Having a son with Asperger's Syndrome as well as a husband with Aspergers Syndrome, I find that resources which shed full light upon our difficulties are few and far between.
It is tragic and criminal that people who have Asperger's Syndrome are so frequently overlooked by health professionals and labelled too "high functioning" to receive any health/disability assistance. It is also tragic that the families of such people are left alone to deal with the day to day struggles that someone with Asperger's Syndrome can suffer from.
This book clearly demonstrates that families, as well as the people with Asperger's whom we love so dearly, need much more help and support than we are given. HIGHLY recommend this book to families as well as health professionals who are working with Asperger's Syndrome.
Families of Adults Afflicted With Asperger's 2005-12-24
The difficulties faced by people with Asperger Syndrome (AS) cannot be underestimated, but the emotional problems experienced by those around them - partners, family and friends - are often overlooked. Focusing on what is referred to as the Cassandra phenomenon, where the neurotypical partner often needs more emotional guidance than the AS partner, this volume gathers together letters, thoughts and poems to give voice to the loneliness, frustration and love felt by many individuals who are close to one or more people with AS. This collection provides the emotional support, insight and understanding needed to deal with the emotions that AS evokes within close relationships.
FAAAS Inc. (Families of Adults Afflicted with Asperger's Syndrome) aims to offer support to the family members of adult individuals afflicted with Asperger's Syndrome.
We're listening...and hearing 2005-12-22
This book is a gem. This and Tony Attwood's book Asperger Syndrome are key to understanding what happens when Asperger's is neither detected nor understood. Lots of heartbreak, bottomless hurt, and confusion all the way around.
Do therapists know about this? Probably a little less than they know about adult AD/HD, which is darn little. Yet, AD/HD and AS are frequent traveling companions.
In my volunteer work moderating support groups for the partners of people with ADHD, I've learned that it's the people in the trenches (e.g. the people in these relationships) who must do the educating. They must talk to each other, compare notes, read what the top experts have to say, and not wait for any therapist or doctor to name their plight, much less help guide them out of it.
Most times, it just won't happen. Asperger's will be completely missed. You'll be told you have "communication issues" or that one is "frozen in his/her feelings, probably from childhood trauma" or any of a number of psychotherapeutic explanations that take no account of brain structure or brain chemistry. End result will be confused with cause. And, nothing will change. it could even get worse, as both partners labor under the illusion that the others' behavior is intentionally hurtful or deliberately "abusive."
These stories smack of heartfelt truth and vividly bring to life the many aspects of Asperger's Syndrome. Even if you've never heard of AS or think you don't know of anyone with it, chances are you do and just never made the connection.
Karen Rodman along with the FAAAS website and organization she founded perform a great public service.
This Book is a Treasure and a "Must Read" for anyone living with a difficult partner or questioning a child's psychological Dx. 2005-08-17
I am a professional who works with sensory integration. This book is a very valuable tool to realize that there is help and understanding in joining forces to share experiences. Many couples and parents are struggling with difficult circumstances when confronted with what they view as outrageous behavior from a loved one. Understanding Asperger's Syndrome in adults goes beyond the fact that other's cannot make this person happy no matter how much they might attempt to do so. It is important to recognize and assist people with this challenge as early as possible so that they might better learn how to cope with the complex situations that are so frustrating for them.
The fact that there can be a neurological reason for the seemingly intolerant behavior of a person who may have Asperger traits presents enough information to realize that the "blaim" is not properly placed on the person who is desperately trying to "make things better" but in the involved person's lack of ability to use information coming in through the senses in a neuro-typical way. This book has the capacity to open the eyes of many people who are having difficulty in their marriages and/or child rearing.
I read this book with a hunger to learn from others. I can feel their pain and with their willingness to share it, they will help many of us be able to help countless others.
Many Thanks to all of you who contributed to this book!
It is outstanding!
Catherine
We are not afflicted 2005-05-31
Reading the excerpt of this book, I was hurt and disgusted by the melodramatic, pitying view of autistic people they presented. Focusing on the least disabled members of the spectrum, they managed to portray us almost as badly as the Schafer Autism Report(www.sarnet.org) portrays lower functioning autistics. The organisation that produced this book has it's prejudices clearly visible in it's name: Families of Adults AFFLICTED with Asperger Syndrome. We are not afflicted with AS and similar conditions, we are autistic people. This is who we are, a disability, gift and difference(as I wrote in my response to the discussion at http://www.neurodiversity.com/inquisition.html, click on "and now, from one of our readers"). Here are some quotes, from the excerpt available here:
"If early diagnosis and correct intervention is made available, these children's lives will be made much easier, assimilating into society throughout their their childhood, their adolescent years, and into adulthood. We do not want to see another generation of AS lives ruined ... and it is not only the person who has unrecognised AS whose life is in shambles."
Firstly, the idea that one must be helped to "[assimilate] into society" goes against the ideal of valuing diversity, an ideal that most Canadians, at least, value in the context of race and culture. Why not value neurological diversity as well? Secondly, we are portrayed as having "[ruined] lives". I find that much too pessimistic. Being different in an undefined way, in a society that penalises differences, is not a good way to live, but it need not ruin one's life. The sexual abuse survivor's movement has argued well that you can heal from the harm of abuse, and it would be good to recognise that you can also heal from the pain of being misunderstood and mistreated by society in general. Also, the problem lies not with AS itself, but the mismatch between the AS person and society. Lastly, they bring up the effect undiagnosed AS can have on family members. At http://www.neurodiversity.com/response_to_my_name_is_autism.html, a wonderful mother of AS children, Kathleen Seidel, responds to a similar view raised by a poem, My Name is Autism. She says:
"Please note in particular the following passages:
'I affect one child and 'infect' the entire family.'
Our family is just fine. Understanding autism has improved our family life immensely."
Sure, AS people, as anyone does, affect the people around them. NT-AS relations often suffer from a gap in understanding, which is even more painful when neither knows why the gap is there. I hope for a society where this gap in understanding is recognised as being caused by both people, not just one of them, and people are taught how to bridge this gap, not only in NT-AS relations but in intercultural relations, and other situations where such a gap exists.
For an AS-friendly source about NT family members of AS, see http://www.aspar.klattu.com.au/.
Eureka! A Godsend! 2005-05-31
This is a much needed book for and about adults on the autism/Asperger's (a/A) spectrum. It is a Godsend! For adults with Asperger's and those directly involved with them, make this book your best friend. It provides a serious, honest and in-depth look at what Asperger's Syndrome is; how it affects behavior and relationships.
An important issue that is addressed is that a/A behavior that is so often condemned is condoned when done by the neurotypical (NT). population. For example, tapping on things is a form of self-stimming that many NT people engage in. Swinging one's foot back and forth while seated is another form of self-stimming common among the NT population. Making dreadful exaggerated exhalation noises to indicate thought is yet another NT form of self-stimming. Jumping up and down and screaming with excitement is a common staple at sporting events. That is a form of overt self-stimming. Having an aversion for loud noises and rough fabric is not limited to the a/A population. People on the a/A spectrum are quickly condemned for bluntness, but many people with NT brains can be equally, if not more abrasive, judgmental and tactless. Just look at how so many people on the a/A spectrum are so harshly judged by NT counterparts!
The important issues to keep in mind is that double standards DO exist; what is tolerated among the NT population is frowned upon when committed by people on the a/A spectrum. One possible explanation for this is the manner and degree to which the behavior is done. The sensory responses by people on the spectrum are often accompanied by behavior that often appears bizarre to the NT population. However, many people with Asperger's CAN cover; compensate and learn cognitively to navigate in the NT world and mask strong sensory responses. Another possible explanation is that since so many people on the a/A spectrum have social difficulties, the behavior that is readily accepted among and by the NT population seems amplified and magnified when done by persons on the a/A spectrum.
People with autism/Asperger's cannot be browbeaten or humiliated into having NT brains or full NT understanding; excoriation and rigid demands on people on the a/A spectrum do not an NT brain make. The world is for EVERYONE and not just for the NT population, and yet apsies have been expected to make all of the concessions and all of the adaptations to suit the needs of NT people. This book does a fine job of addressing this important fact together with a plea for acceptance and tolerance. While no one method or approach works for everyone, this book looks at possibilities and explores options without making any promises.
What a treat to find a book written specifically for and about adults with Asperger's. Asperger's is a neurobiolgical condition that affects sensory processing and communication to varying degrees, based on the individual. The book does a good job of providing explanations and offering good, practical advice. Hats off to this book! We need this book!
