Autism Asperger's and Sexuality. Puberty and Beyond

Customer Reviews

Only a veneer of tolerance for the rest of us

2003-04-23
If this book had been around when I was beginning adolescence, it would have created more confusion than it solved. It is a great improvement on Newport's other book in terms of clarity and message. However, as an autistic lesbian, I would have found it very lacking.

While there is a short chapter that includes homosexuality (which it lumps in with celibacy, drug abuse, and cults!) it demonstrates little to no understanding of the subject. While it makes the point that relationships are relationships no matter what, it completely neglects that gay and lesbian courtship differs greatly from heterosexual courtship. I do not know about gay male courtship, but lesbian courtship requires a lot more subtlety and attention to tiny non-verbal cues than straight people's courtship. This is not addressed whatsoever, nor are the obvious differences in sexual practice.

While the book tries to promote the idea of equality, the comment that one of the authors wouldn't want his child to be homosexual would not have been encouraging to me as a young lesbian reader. Neither would the big bold-print "Nothing in this chapter should be taken as endorsement of an alternative lifestyle." It seems that they are trying to keep both sides happy -- to say "You are okay" to gay people and "I completely understand why you don't want your kid to be gay, and it's your choice to make good choices for the individuals concerned" to homophobic parents, so as to keep everyone satisfied. Meanwhile, there are parents who use these kinds of ideas to prevent their gay autistic adult children from having any relationships at all -- this is a pressing and real problem that appears not to be addressed for fear of offending anyone.

Bisexuality is never mentioned at all, and the authors seem to believe that a lot of people "try" homosexuality as a way of fitting in (I tried heterosexuality and it never did work for me). It always presents homosexuality as departure from heterosexuality, rather than as a phenomenon in its own right. It also discourages any political activism for gay people, derisively referring to it as a "crusade" (I wonder what the authors think of political activism for autistic equality) and telling gay people to get over being gay. Compare to Luke Jackson's observation in _Freaks, Geeks, and Asperger Syndrome: A User Guide to Adolescence_ that people willing to be visibly autistic and visibly gay have done a lot for human rights for both groups. I would think a real exploration of the similarities of the two groups would be more useful than prejudice with a veneer of tolerance over it.

I think that this book is good if you're straight and into conformity to certain gender roles, but for the rest of us it leaves a lot to be desired. I think it could have done with a few more co-authors who had a more accurate and inside view of homosexuality, so that it would not simply be a straight-sexuality centered book with a few paragraphs tacked on for everyone else. I found parts of the straight sexuality things applicable, and others completely useless and missing vital technical and health information. I think even straight people who don't completely follow the traditional gender expectations -- like my parents, for example -- would find parts of this book useless or demeaning. I showed the section on homosexuality to both straight and gay acquaintances, and they found it everything from unacceptable to insulting -- several asked me why I liked anything in the book at all after reading that part.

For more nuanced, accurate, and compassionate views of developmental disability and sexuality, I would recommend the works of Dave Hingsburger. While _Autism-Asperger's and Sexuality_ is better than nothing, and provided some useful ideas (the "What Do Women Really Want?" section had some very useful information in it for me), it's geared to a specific population, slightly against others, and suffers because of it. It could have been much better had the same sensitivity as it displays in the earlier chapters been carried over to the rest of us, who don't fit in those chapters. Skirting over the very real issues of gay and bisexual (among others) people with developmental disabilities does nobody any favors.

Bold and sensitive 2002-10-21
Jerry and Mary do a great job of tackling topics that many of us duck. I truly appreciate their emphasis upon the relationship as the cornerstone of intimacy and sexuality. They also provide practical advice about the sensory, hygiene, and "impression management" challenges that face many adolescents and adults with autism and Asperger Syndrome. Frankly, much of this is advice for anyone getting ready to face the world of dating and relationships!

As a parent and psychologist, I also appreciate the editor's notes that caution parents about the candor of the book and give permission to copy sections for their younger adolescent sons and daughters. It reminds us that even open-minded discussion must be done with sensitivity and responsibility.

Good job, Jerry and Mary!

Practical advice on a very delicate subject. 2002-08-13
Jerry and Mary give very readable and practical advice on a very delicate and complicated subject. This book shares information learned over two lifetimes in a very sensitive manner.

Telling it like it is 2002-08-02
Going where few have dared to go, Jerry and Mary Newport, have provided a clear road map for dealing with sensitive issues surrounding sexuality for both our peers on the autism spectrum as well as the rest of the autism spectrum community. Straight and to the point there is much for everyone to learn from this work. Thank you and well done!

High functioning autism 2008-06-08

While I adore Jerry Newport, and would love for him to be my son, I couldn't get through this book.

I think if a young adult (16+) with AS would read this book, it may be helpful.

I'm a believer of sex in marriage only, and this book does not promote this belief.

An important start to a much needed topic of discusion 2006-08-05
I appreciate the frankness which the author has decided to 'out' himself as a person with autism. This book tackles many areas which are still considered taboo for people with disabilities to know about.

Society still has hang ups thinking of people with disabilities as autonomous sexual beings. It wants to instead pretend that we are dependent children-vegetables. Even some so-called radical friends have become shocked to learn that people with disabilities participate in and enjoy sex.

Addressing people with disabilities as the primary audience will effectively help to shatter these stereotypes--although the title is also a good read for our families and friends.

However, as a heterosexual ally, I also must concur that he needed to include information on GLBT people--and avoid stereotypes. Because all people with disabilities are also outsiders to the status quo, such a limited and unfortunately one-dimensional view of sexuality is especially shocking and inappropriate.

It's great he acknowledges people with disabilities as being sexual beings, but then he seems to contradict himself by not giving adequate information when he had set out to write a book which was theoretically supposed to provide just that. Hopefully this issue will be resolved in future editions.

A much needed book 2006-07-01
I appreciate the fact that there has been a book written on this subject especially for individuals on the Autism Spectrum. Jerry and Mary Newport have done an excellent job at giving a first hand look at the difficulties of dealing with the sensitive issues of someone's sexuality and offering some very good advice. This is a much needed book. Thanks.

Don't judge this book by its cover 2004-08-11
because the contents doesn't match it. The views of sexuality in this book doesn't match the nineties. It is out of touch with the ease most teenagers today talk about sex, and seems mostly like a book sent from the fifties by a time machine. Or from somewhere out in the middle of nowhere, where they still live like the fifties. It even goes as far as saying it doesn't "mean to encourage pre-marital sexual activity" in a warning before a chapter about "birth control" etc. This reads as a complete joke to a scandinavian guy.

It completely lacks any information about using the internet!!! How could such a book be relevant today? All my friends use dating sites for finding dates and friends. Everybody has a profile somewhere. Dating sites makes it much easier for asperger people to find other people, which they can relate to, and avoid the hell from normal teenager parties. But the asperger needs some good hints for dating sites, they are not without pitfalls (just like old-style dating, but just a different set of pitfalls). He just mentions it a couple of times and discards it with "As far as getting dates from the Internet, I just don't see it".

I agree with roguealleycat's critique of the very narrow view of valuable lifestyle(s).

The book is set with a large sans serif font, so it's hard on the eyes, and large sections are in italics as they felt is was very important the reader could see what was written by his wife instead of himself. A more professional publishing agency and editing would help the readability. The book is a weird mix of guidelines for the parent, and daddy comments to the young. So it doesn't have a consistent target group.

Conclusion: If you consider living in the fifties, the book might be useful, otherwise...

great review does the job! 2003-10-09
I found the first customer review the most useful in convincing me to immediately order this book. The review was so explicit as to what was in the book (or to be more specific, what was not), that it sounded perfect for my heterosexual son with a mild case of AS. Thanks!