Editorial Review
Every parent would happily give up ever scolding, punishing or threatening if she only knew how to ensure that her toddler/child/teen would thrive and act responsibly without such painful measures. Raising Our Children, Raising Ourselves is the answer to this universal wish. It is not about gentle ways to control a child, but about a way of being and of understanding a child so she/he can be the best of herself, not because she fears you, but because she wants to, of her own free will.
"Aldort’s book should be on the must read list of all Moms and Dads. This book could carry a subtitle: "Saving the Emotional Lives of Our Children and The Future of Humanity.""
- James Prescott, Ph.D. Institute of Humanistic Science
"Raising Our Children, Raising Ourselves operates on the radical premise that neither child nor parent must dominate; it is for those who want to give up scolding, threatening and punishing. Her SALVE "formula" alone is worth the price of the book." - Peggy O'Mara Editor and Publisher of Mothering
"Every once in awhile, a writer comes along who is comfortable speaking the truth, no matter how much it might challenge us or make us uncomfortable. Naomi Aldort is one of those people. In Raising Our Children, Raising Ourselves, Naomi Aldort takes the struggle out of parenting and replaces controlling and shaping style of parenting with one that values, trusts and nurtures children's innate abilities and autonomy."
- Wendy Priesnitz Editor of Life Learning magazine, author of School Free and Challenging Assumptions in Education
"In this stunning insight into human nature, Naomi Aldort opens a window into harmonious family living. This book should to be widely read and not just by parents but by every being who strives for a more peaceful world."
- Veronika Robinson, Editor of The Mother magazine, UK
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Customer Reviews
Eye Opening 
2008-01-28
This book gave me a new perspective on parenting. I don't say that lightly. I was raised to see punnishment and bribery as an intergal part of raising children. This booked freed me from needing to follow in an old pattern that, quite frankly, did not work for any of the families that I know. I feel blessed that I read a book like this while my son is still so young. It really gave me the opportunity to step back and re-evaluate my own biases in a way that not many books do.
Fantastic book on parenting from the heart 2007-11-17
If you're looking for a book to help you parent more compassionately and to help you raise healthy, happy, well-adjusted children - then this book is most certainly for you. Highly recommended, thank you Naomi.
Children are not the problem 2007-10-17
This is a wonderful book and one of my favorite parenting books, along with Alfie Kohn's Unconditional Parenting and Lawrence Cohen's Playful Parenting. The best thing I got out of it is an increased awareness for the knee jerk reactions we sometimes have to children's behavior. Behind it are often fears: I'm afraid they don't respect me. I'm afraid they don't know how to behave. I'm afraid everybody will hate them. Once you move past the knee jerk and into curiosity you can act loving, supportive, and authentic. Only if we treat children with genuine respect can we expect the same from them. Work on yourself, Naomi's message is, and look at parenting as a wonderful path of self-realization.
I'm buying it for every parent I know 2007-09-10
I recently read "Raising our Children, Raising Ourselves"
and I have to say that it is an amazing book and one that has created a
fundamental shift in how I approach my relationship with my children. I
have always been an advocate for gentle and respectful parenting, but this
book has offered me "mental" tools to examine my own internal world and
reactions to my children, and frankly, my spouse. I've passed it along to
several friends and they feel the same.
Like any other good parenting book... 
2007-08-31
...you take what is reasonable for you and your family and discard the stuff that is not. It flows along the lines of attachment parenting, Easy to Love; Difficult to Discipline type of thinking. I found many parts useful and enlightening AND there were parts where I found myself thinking "do what??" So, as with everything else; use it as a guideline, not a bible.
A Wisdom That Challenges 2008-07-14
Aldort's book is far enough outside the accepted norm for parenting that I wish she had spent more time in the text making the TRANSLATION between what people CURRENTLY practice and what she is INVITING them to practice. There is too much wisdom here for her to be dismissed because her perspective is so different from traditional approaches.
Apart from this criticism, however, the book is quite readable and what she recommends operationalizes for parents in modern times (among other things)the "turn the other cheek" sensibility of ancient wisdom.
This book will change the way you view your child (and yourself, too)! 2008-06-17
I have read and reread this amazing book "Raising Our Children, Raising Ourselves" so many times and have found it to be such a wonderful resource as I strive to be the best parent I can be. To be able to figure out myself as a parent first and why I act/respond the way I do, and then to apply that to the way I raise my child is truly a gift. And that is what this book is to me - an incredible gift that is changing myself, my marriage and my child's life as I can choose to parent him differently than I was raised. I was so impressed with Naomi's insights in this book, that I also bought her CD's for my husband so he can share in this rich knowledge for himself in the car on his way to and from work. He now wants to buy these for his dad friends as every day he walks in the door, he has some new information to share with me or to demonstrate with our son that makes our home such a happy place to be a child AND a parent.
Naomi has it right - parenting is no longer a struggle if you understand yourself first, and the way you were parented, and then you will be able to have your blinders removed to parent your children with joy and peace instead of the struggle we are falsely led to believe parenting is simply about. I wish every parent chould have access to such amazing insight in helping to change the world one parent and child at a time!
this book will change your life... for the better! 2008-05-30
This book has been one of the most transformative things i have read in my parenting journey. i am so inspired by naomi aldort's words and the way she guides you in your journey. i have found the book has had significant impact upon my life as a parent, and as a wife! my kids are happier and i am so much more connected to them.
i am not perfect as a parent but i feel naomi aldort affirms me on my journey and meets anyone who picks up her book exactly where they are at. there is no condemnation for anyone in the pages of this book, just love, acceptance and guidance. how refreshing and life giving!
i wish you many life changing moments as you read this book.
bea marshall
ps. her website is brill too [...]
nice insight, but a bit lousy 
2008-05-25
Although I like Naomi Aldort's approach and techniques , I think that this book is not for everyone.
I agree that most parents should let go of their will of control over their children's behavior, and try to connect with them more on an emotional level. I also agree that bribes, punishments, time-outs and such methods are best avoided and do not work in the long run ( with my 3 y old they never worked even as short-term solutions).
But since parents are in charge, they sometimes need to take action in a firm and loving way. This book does NOT provide tools to figure out this proper way to deal with everyday issues.
It just points vaguely to the need to provide a strong leadership.
Perhaps for some enlightened people, like Naomi actually appears to be, there is no need for further explanation. Most parents would appreciate it though, including myself, who have always been a wishy-washy kind of parent.
Furthermore, I find Aldort's style a bit lousy and not very empathetic towards parents, despite her best intentions. While reading, I often found myself thinking " Gee, I'd really like to be like her" . But I'm not. So what?
Her approach stems out of her unique way to be an exceptionally nurturing, loving person rather than being a technique that everyone can learn ad apply.
It must be said that the books offers a very important tool with the S.A.L.V.E. technique which helps the parent to accept children the way they are, and validate their feelings. This is the most valuable part.
I have found a similar, yet much more useful and powerful approach in "Playful Parenting" by dr.L Cohen. "Playful Parenting" is a very nice book that helps you reconnecting with children and meeting their needs without giving up 100% on cooperation ( While I agree that power struggles are best avoided, Aldort seems to consider the parental wish of kid cooperation just a sneaky form of control, and gives the parent full responsibility in cleaning up after children).
Another thing I do not like about this book is that it treats children like little adults. Aldort condemns praise and expectations, but after trying the "praise avoidance" for a couple of months, I have realized that my daughter actually needs and craves my approval and my cheers. I think we all need some praise from close people who loves us and which we love. Maybe there are some people (m including Naomi) who are so grounded and self-confident not to need praise anymore, what can I say? I'm not amongst them.
I recommend this book to already "good" and balanced parents who want to fine-tune their skills. I would also recommend it to parents that have shy, introverted children. Anyone can give it a read, but most parents will not be ready to go for Naomi's method without some additional skills to help them "offer guidance" to the children going completely wild! This is especially true for parents of strong-willed little people, who will benefit from coupling this book with another book focusing on EFFECTIVE parenting skills and tips.
Essential reading for all parents 2008-04-21
For any parent who wants to break the controlling style of discipline that creates so many problems and weakens relationships. Naomi suggests such a refreshingly simple way of keeping a loving connection with children through communication. Highly recommended.
