Customer Reviews
Great Strategy 
2008-07-01
My husband and I found ourselves at a loss in how to handle our high spririted toddler. This book gave us a consistent strategy and confidence in dealing with challenging situations.
This Works and Works Quickly 2008-06-28
I'm amazed by some of these negative reviews. I wonder if they read the same book I did or just skipped whole sections. Plus, many of them are clearly operating under the Little Adult Assumption (see chapter 3).
My 4yo took a while before he got it (we started when he was 3), and he tested me every conceivable way. Some days he still does. It worked for my 9yo (8 at the time) in one day. Those who have said it shouldn't be used with older children don't realize that by the time they are 9, they catch on and you barely ever count them. And what does all this order and peace in your home provide? Hours of peaceful playtime to spend with your children during which they can respectfully express their feelings, without attacking or blaming whether positive or negative. My children and I get along better than ever because I am no longer screaming at them and they are clear on what my expectations are.
When you're at your wit's end and you buy this out of desperation, you will read through it in one day and get started, but I highly recommend that you read it again a couple of months later to be sure you don't miss relevant things - like "active listening," discuss discussions and counting attacks, etc., etc.
Happy parenting!
Worked like a charm! 2008-06-26
I bought this for my daughter who has a two kids, ages 2 and 3. The technique worked the very first day. It was amazing. Forget all the psycho babble that's so prevalent in today's parenting advice books. Kids want guidelines. If you don't give them that, clearly and consistently, they'll keep pushing, looking for those boundaries.
A "must-have" book for all parents 2008-06-25
As a behavioral health specialist, I have parents use this book with their children. It also helped with my children, especially the one who was using long "discussions" as a way to manipulate situations.
One reviewer gave this book only one star, but seems to confuse what needs to be done in discipline situations with other situations. Effectively stopping inappropriate behavior does not mean that parents do not observe, listen to and talk with their children about their feelings, etc. It does mean that they put firm limits on how their children behave! To fail to do this is to set a child up for a lifetime of problems. These children become those who are upset with police officers who can't understand that they "had to" hurt someone else because they were angry! I do agree with the book recommendations that the unhappy reviewer included. Particularly "How to listen so your children will talk and talk so..." and "Siblings without rivalry." Both FABULOUS books!
I just had to enter in another postive review as I don't think it's fair to expect one little book to cover everything there is to know about something as complicated as parenting. It does a fantastic job of helping parents get control over discipline problems, and even provides solutions to the common ways some children may try to circumvent those efforts.
YOU WILL SEE THE CHANGE 2008-06-16
I ordered the audio tapes and listened to them at work. Once I was finished with the whole series I started counting immediately and after two days my 3 year old knew she wasn't going to be able to get away with her past behavior. I say past bacause we have been using the system for a month and we have a whole new child. It is challenging in front of people and in public but you have to stick to your guns -- my worst challenge is with the grandparents! I highly recommend this product.
It works if you do it 2008-06-14
Addressing the task of disciplining children ages 2 through 12 without arguing, yelling, or spanking, this program offers easy-to-follow steps to immediately manage troublesome behavior with reason, patience, and compassion. Parents and teachers learn how to encourage and respect children's growing independence with 10 strategies for building self-esteem. Also discussed are the three most important qualities for parents or teachers to exhibit in order to foster competence in kids. Tips are included on how to prevent homework arguments, make mealtimes more enjoyable, conduct effective family meetings, and encourage children to start doing their household chores. This award-winning program discusses the importance of establishing and maintaining a home or classroom with fair and consistent discipline. This revised edition includes suggestions on how to avoid over-parenting, build children's social skills, and apply the program within mental health agencies and classrooms.
Negative reviewers don't get the program. 2008-06-11
This is a simple and great technique that allows your child to keep his dignity WHILE not allowing him to manipulate others by bad behavior.
I don't hold a degree in child psychology. But, I have three grown children and one left at home. What I have to offer is practical and hands-on experience in parenting. My purpose for this review is to address the negative reviews, because I believe those who leave them do not understand the program. In the preface of the book, Dr. Phelan states that evaluation and psychological counseling are indicated BEFORE using 1 2 3 Magic if your child has a history of behavioral or emotional problems. He also states that marital conflict may interfere with the program. He goes on to say that if a parent is unable to remain calm while using the 1 2 3 method, counseling beforehand is advised. This book is for stable, loving, yet imperfect families to use. Dysfunctional families more than likely already stifle any type of communication with their children-I know this from experience. Only in this type of family is the "sit, stay, rollover" method used. I can't understand why some parents recoil in horror at this method, unless it is that they don't finish the book or attempt to grasp its' principles.
Our job as parents is, in essence, to "train" our children in proper behavior. Our job is to discipline our children, and teach them that there are outcomes to everything they do, positive or negative-just as in the adult world. For example, hitting a sibling results in a negative outcome, maybe time out or having to do something nice for the sibling who was the victim. If a child shares a cookie with his sibling, then that should naturally result in a positive outcome. The child who shared would experience that joyful feeling of doing something that is right and good. PLUS, a beaming smile from a pleased parent is priceless.
The book has a threefold purpose. All three elements must be employed for the program to work, and work it does!
The book's first purpose, as it clearly states, is to control obnoxious behaviors such as badgering, bargaining, whining, teasing, arguing, pouting, yelling, tantrums... etc, by interrupting the situation before it escalates. That is where the counting to three comes in. Honestly now, are these not the behaviors that drive us parents over the top? Do many parents not badger, bargain, yell, and degrade their children in an effort to stop the negative behavior? Anger leads to abuse. Allowing a negative situation to escalate to anger INVITES abuse. Counting to three gives the child time to think about what they are doing, and to make a choice to turn the behavior around-or not. A time out in the child's room is a result of making the wrong choice-a minute per year of the child's age is what the book suggests. A child whose behavior is out of control may need to be carried or escorted to their room. If need be, the parent may have to stand outside the door to make sure the child stays put until their time is up. What is so abusive and repugnant about that?
The second purpose of the book is to encourage positive behaviors like picking up, eating, homework, bedtime, etc. Unfortunately, I think the negative reviewers never get this far in the book. It's simple; reward your child with a smile, a hug, or a sticker for learning how to become independent by taking responsibility for their behavior. Even two year olds are able to grasp this concept. It's never too soon to start. Charts are GREAT for this. They are a visual way for a child to see the results of their efforts and behavior.
The third and last step, strengthening your relationship with your child, will be a natural outcome of doing the first two. When children feel secure and loved, and are held accountable for their behavior -corresponding of course with their age and level of maturity, then the family atmosphere will be more peaceful. Parents will enjoy parenting. Children will enjoy being children. Children need boundaries and consequences.
It's really that simple.
Dr. Phelan has books that deal with older children. The best way to avoid problems with older children is to obviously begin early. Good luck!
This is a terrible system 
2008-06-05
I have read so many parenting books because I used to have a child with serious behavioral problems. This book is ridiculous. The premise behind this system is that if they don't do what you say by the count of 3, they get a time out of 10 minutes. If they don't do it the second time, the time is increased. That sounds great for a young child, but what about when the child is over 12? You haven't taught the child why cooperation is important or what it means to be respected member of the family. This may work for a few years, but it doesn't set a base to help families with really difficult children. I HIGHLY recommend Redirecting Children's Behavior by Kvols. It helps kids age 2 to teens. It is wonderful and really teaches behavioral lessons for life.
SImple y efectivo 
2008-06-04
El autor trata a los nin~os como animales que deben ser domesticados. En ninguna parte se menciona la palabra amor o cariño (creo). Dicho esto, el libro presenta un metodo muy simple y eficaz para que los niños dejen de hacer algo indebido o desagradable. Tambien propone un metodo mas complejo y menos efectivo para estimularlos a que empiezen a hacer algo (como por ejemplo vestirse o irse a dormir).
El metodo funciona y los consejos y distinciones son indespensables para criar en buena forma a un niño.
I have bought 3 copies to give to friends..... 2008-06-03
Easy to read, funny, supportive, if you have challenging kids....you MUST try this.
This is a postitive disciple technique that does not ignore that there are times when children need limits and a loss of privelege.
I've tried many techniques which did not work when my daughter was biting, tantruming, and putting cracks in our wall (banging it) during time-outs. I started 1/2/3 Magic with her at age 4 and I am disappointed that I waited that long! It has saved our relationship and made me a much calmer mother (most of the time...) It will not create a perfect child....But, it points out that kids are a work in progress. My favorite feature of the book is that it gives you preparation for any scenario (including a child angrily taking sheets off their bed, or peeing on the floor during a time-out.)
Any child catches on and tests out a worn-out discipline tactic. Add some "tricks up your sleeve". This gives many ideas for appropriate punishments for minor or major offenses. Talks about avoiding the "argue-yell-hit" routine that many of us have encountered on a bad day.
