Customer Reviews
A Powerful Book 
2008-10-06
This book is a tough-love teaching that draws from her own experience and the Bible, and I have always loved it. But you have to read it, as with ALL books Christian or otherwise, with discernment. The Bible is the only infallible book in this world. All others are flawed, even ones that are based on the Bible, because even saved human beings are still only in the process of becoming perfect - they're not there yet. It is also important to keep the perspective that marriage is 100/100, not 50/50. This book is for women...so it talks about how a bad marriage is 100% the wife's fault. It talks about everything the WIFE can do, in her role, for a marriage. Why would it talk about what the husband can do? You can't control anyone else but yourself in life. I mean, who will you answer for at judgment day - your husband? God won't say "Oh, your husband was evil, so it's okay that you were too." A book for husbands should be equally bold about how a bad marriage is 100% the man's fault, and talk only about what HE can do. That principle is the most powerful one I have taken away from this book.
In short, this is a powerful book with a lot of scriptural truth and a lot of plain old advice from experience. I get a lot of good advice from my grandma that is very similar - tough-love, bold, unashamed, focused on the wife's part of the blame (aka, the wife's role...hint hint), and based on years of experience. With my grandma and this book and any other book and any other person, you have to use discernment. Let the Holy Spirit show you what is good and what is flawed.
But overall, this book has a lot of good - and even the flaws gave me opportunities to think about why each opinion was wrong and to search out God's opinion on the matter.
must read for all wives 
2008-09-13
Debi Pearl is direct and opinionated, but has some GREAT things to share. I have a great marriage, and still found lots to learn.
Helpmeet, not helpful for me. 
2008-09-02
First, I have to say that some very well-intentioned women study this book and live by it and I have no condemnation for them. However, when I went through it and started asking my husband questions about it, he told me to stop reading it and throw it away even though his well-intentioned mother gave it to me. I believe that his advice was demonstrating Christ's love to me, freeing me from the false guilt this book incites.
While there are always benefits to godly humility and servanthood, the author goes too far in prescribing exactly what fits into her view of godliness. Like the pharasees of old, she sets up rules for godly marriage that are nowhere in scripture. The book condemns women who teach at all as having the spirit of "Jezebel" and gives the overall impression that the only purpose women serve is for their husbands' wishes and goals and that any other pursuit is ungodly.
If you are having marital problems, this book is like prescription medication, it may do you some good but it could cause more harm than good in the long run. I recommend Ken Nair's books, "Discovering the Mind of a Woman" and "Discovering the Heart of a Man." Remember, your marriage takes two. Contrary to this book, it is right to have reasonable expectations of your husband to help him become more like Christ. Men, Ken Nair's books will rock your world!
Every married woman must read!! 2008-09-01
I am so thankful that my sister-in-law pushed this book on me when I was determined I was going to divorce my husband. After nearly 10 years of marriage I now finally get it! Through this book, God, prayers of many and myself, I now have a reformed marriage and to me that is a miracle! I actually have the husband I always wanted and I didn't have to change him. This book is basic, bold and truly a no brainer once you have read it, if you know the Bible anyway. We need to get this wife/marriage thing down so we can pass this on to our children and so we can see less foolish failed marriages. I challenge you to read this book and keep it to reference and when you order it, order at least one more to pass on to someone you know who claims to be in an unhappy marriage.
HELP MEET 2008-08-29
In my opinion this was a great book. Many modern day woman will not like it. I requires a REAL woman to put these ideas into practice. It helped give me direction as to how to look at many things wives are faced with today. It helped to show me how to be a wife but still realize that I am responsible to God only for how "I" deal with the problems we face in life, not the problems of my husband. I think anyone that can follow these principles would have a much better marriage and Satan would not be able to defeat the family unit as easily as he has been doing.
Eat the meat, spit out the bones 2008-08-26
Somewhere over the passing years and changing culture, women have lost their way. This book was written to lead them bck home. Regardless of how you began your marriage or how dark and lonely the path that has brought you to where you are now.
Marriage is not Give and Take 2008-08-26
I think most women have a problem with this book because they misunderstand its purpose and usefulness. Are problems in marriage 100% the woman's fault? Yes. They are also 100% the man's fault. This book is for women, not for men. There are other books written for men about being Christ-like and sacrificial. If both husband and wife consider it his/her own personal responsibility to make a marriage work, the marriage might have a chance. Don't think marriage is 50-50. 50-50 marriages end up being the ~50% of broken marriages. If you cast yourself on the grace of God, and stop trying to hedge your bets, you will experience God's grace and faithfulness both immediately (directly from God) and through your husband. If you try to save your life, you will lose it. Ladies. Give it up. We think we know better. We don't. Debi isn't perfect. But she is wise.
Life changing book 2008-08-25
After divorce from my first husband, I was forced to sit and consider what part I had to play in his adultery. No doubt he made the choice to fool around and, eventually, decide he wanted to marry her, but what was lacking in our marriage that made him seek someone else's company.
I wish I had read Debi's book at the time. It truly would have made all the difference for me in healing and in beginning a new life with my husband. This book is absolutely life-changing. In an awesome way! I know there is a lot of controversy about the book and about the Pearl's in general, but that is simply because western women absolutely have been brainwashed by the entire women's lib movement.
Many of the women will say, "Oh, not me. I believe my husband is the head of the household," but they turn around and take control and emasculate their husbands so that it is embarassing to be around them. I've read a few of their reviews on here.
In counterpoint to what many have said here, Debi never tells women to be a doormat to their husbands. She never says that all problems in marriage stem from the woman's failure. She never advocates abuse in any way, shape or form. (Oh and the Pearl's are not Pelagian either.)
I'm a product of years of sexual abuse, not from my father. I reckon I could easily truly forgive the men responsible and move on if I were allowed to confront them. If I knew that they were being punished for what they did, it would likely be even better. I can say that as an adult, I do know that they will be punished, even if not in this life, God knows all. Even if they've repented and become Christians, they still have to live with what they did - no matter how forgiven they are in the eyes of God, they have to forgive themselves. It is not abusive to take an abused child (male or female) to confront their abuser. It is a great form of healing.
Btw, my husband LOVES the book. You cannot read this entire book without confronting some pretty ugly things in yourself. (Well, if you can, perhaps you really need to spend some time checking up with God.) Shining light into the dark corners of your heart and truly putting things aside makes you a better person - lifechanging. It has transformed our good marriage into an absolutely fabulous one. I appreciate the hearts of the Pearls and how they want to help Christian families grow together. I wish all women would read it with open hearts. If they found it "so awful" as some claimed to have done, then perhaps they should set it aside for a season of prayer and then dive in again. God can still stir your heart.
Thanks Pearls!
This book is great for setting up an abusive marriage 
2008-08-21
I bought the book b/c I've seen so many contoversial reviews and wanted to read it for myself. To put the entire book in one sentence: A husband can do whatever the heck he wants- cheat, view porn, physically and emotionlly abuse the wife and children and they(the wife and children) must obey him, treat him like he's the best thing since sliced bread, and never, never need anything or have any feelings about his treatment of them. In my opinion, this book is just the kind of poison that Satan promotes- just enough truth to make a person stumble into his trap. Truly there are better resources out there. Don't waste your money on this book.
Just read the book-works for me! 2008-08-21
The book was given to me by a trusted girlfriend of 20 yrs with a much-improved marriage & I found it very helpful to me as a recovering feminist/frmr high achieving urban career woman/(still) Type A Christian wife & mom. This book explains why our marriage gets better when I focus on his goals & career as our joint goals & career even if he doesn't think this is important! It also explains why the height of my career & earnings was no fun for us, even in spending it-didn't feel natural, even to two very enlightened liberated souls-weird,eh? The reason to read this book is to stop any friction & get on the same page-surprisingly easy if we women can give up our pride for a second & become teachable, making the priority to love instead of get love. The big payoff is that he'll love, respect, & cherish you even more and will suddenly begin helping YOU with things because he now has a renewed purpose, too! I'll be giving this to my very independent,competent, high-achieving teen daughter before she gets married someday because there is no arguing with truth. We can get it now or get it later (I was later), but this works because it's the way marriage was designed, obviously. The stuff I learned growing up about how men & women are basically the same is dead wrong & Debi Pearl gets it - read Ch 8 first. I like to follow advice from happy people and this is it. Marriage is even better now that I understand our job descriptions - Ch 8 was right :)
