Customer Reviews
Great book! 
2008-08-31
Every parent should read this! Even though a lot of it is basic info, it is really thought provoking!
Great book to use with any age of kids 2008-06-25
Pam Leo has touched on a subject that is most important this day and age- connection. As you rewind, repair and replay your communication with your child, you are taking the steps to a better connection now and for the future. Pam's extensive research, presented in this book, gives you great idea's, activities and pertinent facts in working through any situation that may arise between you and your child. Connection Parenting is also a great tool in dealing with discipline in your home. Becoming aware of you and your child's communication styles and rethinking your approach can reconnect and build self esteem and worth. I wish I would have had this book when my kids were younger!!
Best Parenting Book I've Read in a Long Time 2008-05-16
When I had my first child 5 years ago I began amassing quite a library of Parenting books. I have to admit that being a committed attachment parent I was alittle skeptical as to whether or not this book could add to my knowledge. I can't speak more highly of a parenting book. It really explains child behavior and needs in a way that gave me SO many Aha's. She strikes a wonderful balance between parent's needs and children's needs while at the same time being very straight forward about what so many kids aren't getting emotionally in today's world. I'm anxious to find a support group locally that espouses her ideas. In the meantime I've once again shifted my parenting methods and I'm trying to give my child more of what she really needs - Connection!
Fuzzy Advice for Fuzzy Thinking and Warm Fuzzy Feelings 
2008-04-19
This is a book for people who want to feel this type of parenting. Those who want to think through it will be very disappointed.
_Connection Parenting_ is targeted at parents or parents-to-be who have emotional baggage from their own childhood. It is a rather short book and thus much of the space that I would have preferred it spend on specific, concrete advice on working with one's children was instead dedicated to helping parents get beyond their hang-ups. This can be frustrating if you do not have that many hang-ups.
In addition, there are a number of assumptions made about this type of parenting, which are not backed up by hard evidence. The examples of respectful, loving dialogue are good, but too few, and there are precious few examples of working with children who are feeling combative, or who are already angry, for whatever reason.
I was raised in a gentle household and I believe in gentle, connecting, attachment-fostering parenting. But I felt like I should be going through it in a cold public-space basement with seven other adults in a meeting on folding chairs, and there is a man across from me crying or something, and the rest of us are stuck praying that the facilitator does not try to initiate a group hug.
It is more a self-help book than a parenting book. I am glad that I got _Adventures in Gentle Discipline_ at the same time, because this one was not very helpful for me.
A Parenting "Must Have" 2008-04-03
Connection Parenting is one of those books that needs to be on every bookshelf, whether one is a parent or not. As a culture we are often so disassociated with the experiences of children that we are unaware of how we treat them or how this impacts our relationships with them and the people that they become. Are we forgetting that today's children will be the ones we will look to for compassion as we age?
I am such a believer of Pam Leo's work that I facilitate workshops in New York City based on Connection Parenting. It is so fulfilling to see parent's and educator's "light bulbs go on" when they get it.
As some reviewers have mentioned it can be challenging to question ourselves as well as how we were parented. It certainly is.
Anyone who reads this book will not stand for the alternative.
Read it once and then read it again! 2008-01-10
"Connection Parenting" is based on author Pam Leo's seven week parenting series, "Meeting the Needs of Children," that she has been teaching for over sixteen years. The premise is that a strong parent-child bond is the key to children's optimal human development and our most effective parenting tool. Connection Parenting is a proactive approach to parenting that supports parents and caregivers in creating and maintaining the strong bonds children need to thrive.
Changes even the most frazzled families! 2008-01-04
I bought this book on the high recommendation from friends. Boy, was it worth it! I'm not a mom who is working with perfect, well-behaved children trying to hone my skills. I'm a frazzled, anxious mom with 2 children with special needs. Let me tell you, Connection Parenting WORKS!
I've been working on at least 15 minutes of uninterrupted one-on-one time with each child per day (just one of MANY useful tips in this book). It is making a tremendous impact on both children, especially my son. He is much more cuddly and happy. The tips and tools in this book are really amazing. A parenting journal is just essential. It helps heal our past and change us to help our kids' needs.
I can't say enough. Go out and buy it! You WON'T regret it!
The best introduction for Compassionate, Connected Parenting 2007-12-31
There seem to be no bounds to clever and innovative ways of changing children's behaviour. Common approaches span anything from spanking, time outs, Magic 1, 2, 3, to positive discipline and offering rewards. The commonality of these "techniques" are that they begin with the aim of controling, manipulating or altering behaviour.
Then there is the other world view. This alternative attempts to delve beyond a child's behaviour and focuses on who the child is, their intrinsic motivation and the importance or primacy of their relationship with the parent in that context.
This often involves understanding, meeting needs and connecting with a child. There are no quick fixes here, it is an approach based on non coercive, respectful and loving relationships. For practitioners of this parenting approach behaviour becomes another form of communication and expression, rather than something to be controlled or changed.
This world view also has its fair share of acronyms, books and techniques - often to the point where parents wanting to explore it will not know where to begin. Well at least that is one problem solved...
If you are indeed curious about and open to this alternative approach then Pam Leo's Connection Parenting represents a fantastic introduction, distillation and road map for your journey. (Pam Leo pictured right.)
The book is a product from Pam Leo's more than 55,000 hours of experience with children and stems from a Connection Parenting Course she initiated in 1982 entitled "Meeting the Needs of Children". The years spent developing, refining and simplifying her message pay off with a strong clarity and economy in her book, making it extremely readable.
For those brave enough you can interact and engage with it fully by answering questions and doing exercises. For others it can still become an excellent reference and summary of many key concepts in the field of non coercive parenting.
IT'S ABOUT YOU
Leo begins and ends the book with a confronting look at ourselves, the parents. The first chapter, "Connecting with Ourselves" examines our self perceived strengths and weaknesses as well as our own experience of being parented to assist in identifying our "parenting inheritance".
In this process Leo is constantly encouraging us to be compassionate and accepting of what has been. She creates a powerful balance between understanding and outing our baggage while focusing energy on where we wish to go from here. In fact she encourages us to generate a list of parenting goals which she refers to throughout the rest of the book.
The book ends with a chapter entitled "Connecting with Our Own Needs". Here she identifies that children's needs are best met when we acknowledge and meet our needs first. From small daily tips (eg. taking 10 minutes a day to nurture yourself) to developing resources, support structures and communities around yourself - its focus is providing the parent with the most powerful context and opportunity to connect with their child possible.
These two chapters frame the discussion - on one side connecting with ourselves and on the other connecting with our needs and in the process often with a broader support community. Within that framework the remaining five chapters explore practical approaches to connect with our child.
TREASURING CHILDREN
A basic premise of Connection Parenting is that "maintaining connection is the key to loving, effective parenting and to our children's optimal human development." Connection then becomes a prism through which Leo understands and explains many other parenting issues.
Leo launches the section on connection with children with a strong argument for greater respect of children. Her passion and ability to empathise with children shine through. Ultimately she suggests affording our children the same respect that we would give a friend. Rather than lecturing children Leo underlines the crucial role of modeling, as she says, "how we treat them is what we teach them."
In the chapters on Connecting through "Listening to Children's Feelings" and "through Communication that Builds Relationship", Leo manages to use and summarise key concepts from the likes of Aletha Solther's Aware Parenting, Marshall Rosenburg's Non Violent Communication and others.
Leo touches on the paradigm shift, that crying and "tantrums" are part of releasing emotions and a healing process that are healthy and important to support rather than trying to shut down. At the same time she outlines concrete examples of how to "listen with love and compassion". With all of these concepts Leo identifies common practices before suggesting and detailing "New Skills", including concrete examples.
Finally in the chapter on "Connection through the Discipline of Decoding Children's Behaviour" Leo outlines "behaviour as a communication of need". Again in a massive shift from behaviourally focused parenting approaches Leo argues that "children need love more when they appear to deserve it the least." She spells out specific steps parents can take in understanding and meeting their child's needs in the midst of heated situations.
A POWERFUL BOOK FOR POWERFUL CHANGE
There are countless practical strengths of Connection Parenting - its easy to read format; Leo's ability to introduce and offer practical examples of many concepts; the wealth of references and resources she provides; the prioritising of giving parents tangible tools and skills to make change.
However one of my favourite things about the book was Leo's obvious warmth, compassion and love. She has this for children who her book will contribute to but also a real empathy and understanding of the parent.
In my experience parents exploring alternative parenting often get caught in cycles of guilt, self blame and judgement for what has been or what they are unable to achieve - Leo seems to anticipate this and her wisdom is consistently expressed in forgiving, gentle tones throughout.
For those seasoned parents who have read many books in this field and are practicing unschooling, consensual living or connected parenting - then Leo's explanations might be familiar, perhaps even superficial at times. However that is a reasonable price to pay for covering so much ground so fast. That said, even the most seasoned and well read non coercive parent will no doubt find a few new gems and appreciate the straightforward style as Leo distills many concepts and ideas so simply.
For parents new to these topics Connection Parenting is more than an interesting read, it can be a plan for action and change. It is not necessarily going to convince parents to make change but is the perfect first step for those who are already asking questions and wanting change.
Quite simply if you are, or you know someone at the early stages of exploring alternatives to authoritarian, coercive or behaviourally focussed parenting then buying Connection Parenting is the best possible first step you can make.
A blessing for parents in times of dire need 2007-12-30
This book was heaven sent and such a blessing. When my little girl turned 20 months everything seemed to fall apart - behaviour wise. My parenting skills were no longer working to keep her - and us - happy. This book was so easy and quick to read and all of sudden it all made sense. With a few simple and subtle changes to my parenting we were back on track and happier than ever. I was so impressed I ordered in mutliple copies to sell via my not for profit organisation - Future Families. I recommend it to every one that asks for 'help' or advice with guidance / discipline with children. Pam has truly captured the ease and joy of parenting more simply than any other author I have found. Without all the technical jargon, just easy steps of what to do and what not to do. I want to give my child a better (more loving, caring, joyful) childhood than I had. And now I know how. Hugs to Pam.
Great Practical Advice 2007-12-18
This was the information I was looking for. Other parenting books only give the theory or ideas but do not give you the real life examples and applications. Found this to be extremely helpful in changing my behavior and in turn my child's response to me.
