Mystery Science Theater 3000 The Hellcats :: Education by Design Store

Customer Reviews

Bob Slatzer---- " I never met a movie, I didn't direct."

2008-06-02
Oh Lord, where to start, with this epic?? Joel and the Bots, send this back to Hell, where it came!! This could have been used to show just how NOT to direct a film, without the always stimulating commentary. Slatzer the director, probably didn't know from day to day, whether the funding would run out, to finish this stinker. The acting was wonderfully inept, the sound poor, and the director could have been referred to, as " One-Shot Slatzer!!" All for the funnier, Folks.....All for the funnier!!!

Great show, good price

2007-04-12
Any review of Mystery Science Theater 3000 written by me is boilerplate. MST3K was one of the funniest and most intelligent TV series ever to inhabit the ether. I am proud to possess a copy of every episode (except the missing K0-K3 titles, and you Misties know of what I speak).

Sidehackers is Better

2006-08-19
Much like Sidehackers, this is a season 2 episode starring Ross Hagan in a biker movie. Only there are much more drugs in this one and - believe it or not - much less plot. Actually, it has less plot than darn near any movie I've ever seen. Less plot than Incredibly Strange Creatures even.

Hellcats really is one of the worst movies out there. Heck, it's even worse than Girl in Gold Boots.

I still consider it to be an episode worth owning, like all the other MST3K DVD releases (except The Atomic Brain). As the old saying goes, even a mediocre episode of MST3K is way better than the best episodes of other shows. If you're on a limited budget though, and can only choose Hellcats or Sidehackers, go with Sidehackers.

(On a side note, Ross Hagan's name in Sidehackers is Rommel, and I don't even know what his name is in this one. The movie never bothers to tell the audience I guess.)

Disappointing for MST3K

2004-09-26
I am THE biggest MST3K fan in the world, but I found this particular episode to be a real disappointment. It has some laughs but not nearly so many as most MST3K's, and the sound quality of the actual film is really, really poor. It's very hard to hear what's going on. (Mike and the 'bots sound fine, but what they're riffing on is pretty incomprehensible.) Apparently this is the (only?) episode without the usual writing talents; once again, a disappointment. I'd recommend it mostly for those who already have every other MST3K available. There are lots of great episodes for sale--get those first!

At their best in season 2, Hellcats delivers non-stop laughs

2003-11-01
Until I discovered MST3K I'd never even seen a "B" movie "biker" picture, but the writers and cast of MST3K always seem to be at their best when making fun of these low-budget stories about sociopaths and societal drop-outs. I was overjoyed when I found out that Hellcats would be offered on DVD as this and the other season 2 gem, "Wild Rebels" are to me among the very best MST3K episodes ever. The stupidity of the characters and dialogue is funny all on its own, but the cast of MST3K raise the humor level many notches and never let up on the poor direction, acting or plot for a second. They even manage to make the music in this film fun and you'll be humming "the bike song" after the closing credits.

One cinematic footnote regards a misidentification I believe of the film's director, Bob Slatzer, who is actually the stockier fellow of the two main "gangsters" and not the thinner one pointed out by Joel and the 'Bots during the picture. I discovered this when I saw Bob Slatzer interviewed in a documentary about Marilyn Monroe. But, this minor error does nothing to diminish the quality and quantity of the humor in this episode, which is so dense with jokes that you'll catch something new each time you watch it. Buy this now!

Motorcycle mamas on a highway to Hell! 2003-05-15
Ah, the 'other' Ross Hagen motorcycle movie. Reading his bio on IMDb it says at one time he ran an acting school...oh bruther! Well, while Hellcats was certainly prime for the Mystie treatment, a better one to watch is Sidehackers, another Ross Hagen/motorcycle epic.

Ross is a some sort of law enforcement agent who goes undercover to infiltrate a goofy biker gang after his brother is killed. For some strange reason, Ross teams up with his murdered brothers' girlfriend to achieve this. I will admit that after awhile, I just stopped trying to figure out what was going on in the movie, and just focused on the humor provided by Joel and the 'bots. I did notice a lot of dancing (cough, cough), beer swilling, and general activities you would associate with a psuedo 60's hippie biker gang. Probably the funniest part in the movie for me was when the leader of the biker gang is challenged to a race by the leader of another biker gang. We're treated to about five minutes of watching the people watching the race. I mean, we don't even get to see the race, only hear the reving of engines as the riders supposedly race around. I'm not sure why they couldn't have included some footage of the actual race, being that this is a movie that's heavy on the whole motorcycle thing, but whatever...it wouldn't have made the movie any better.

While this isn't my favorite episode, it's still really funny and worth getting if you're a fan. Not a lot of extras on this one except the trailer and the flipside of the disc has the un-mystiefied version of the movie.

Absolutely Hilarious!!!!!!!!! 2003-04-18
I loved this episode of Mystery Science Theater 3000 featuring the film, "Hellcats"! "Hellcats" revolves around a biker gang in the sixties as they get drunk, stoned, and beaten up for random reasons. The dance/party sequences are hilarious thanks to the commentary by Joel, Crow, and Tom Servo! I also liked that fact that you could watch the uncut version of the film without the MST3K commentary. It's almost like night and day without Joel and the gang!

I would highly recommend this DVD to any fan of MST3K as well as people would love a good laugh!!!! You won't be disappointed!!!!!

MST3K Classics: "The Hellcats" (or "The Return of Hagen") 2003-04-02
There is no excuse for "The Hellcats" to have ever been made. Not one. There is also no excuse for the casting, the screenplay, the cinematography, the direction, the sound editing, and I'm sure that there would be no excuses offered.

But there is a reason it was made, and it had to do with drive-in theaters. "The Hellcats", I'm sure, was something of an ATM for the producers and the theater owners, the bottom-half of the double-bill (which would have been referred to at my old fave drive-in as "OUR 2ND BIG FEATURE") that would have been out-of-focus, ignored, or forgotten. But the booking fees alone would pay for the production, and by the time anybody noticed that this flick was chock-a-block with contempt for the prospective audience, the cars were pulling in to the stalls, John and Marsha were sipping soda pop and wondering who was going to make the first move, and all the right people would begin re-lining their wallets.

And that's where MST3K comes in, resurrecting this garbage heap, and shining some light on one of the purest examples of how not to ever make a movie. Although the host sequences are flashbacks to previous episodes, they are still funny, and show the real creativity of the writers and performers.

The movie (by itself) is unwatchable. Not only because of its sheer stupidity, and at times, even because of the incompetence in its making.

An example. A rival gang meets up with our heroes (?) and their leaders challenge each other to a race. They take off, and for a good three or four minutes of screen time, we see various shots of the bored-looking gangs, and hear what sounds like low-horsepower engines revving and slowing, revving and slowing, revving and slowing. Then the gang leaders re-appear, race over. As Crow says, "What an exciting race." And when they decide to fight, it's Ross - playing a Vietnam vet - who cools 'em out, saying, "Peace, brothers! No more war!" (To which Joel says, "Hey, look! It's Ross Hagen, the Prince of Peace!")

The gang on the satellite finds fodder everywhere, from the remarkably bad camera work ("FOCUS!" is heard at least four times), the psychedelic parties that look like the least-fun frat mixers ever (although Crow disagrees), to the fact that Ross Hagen is the star (famous from "Sidehackers", his refrain of, "Chili peppers burn my gut," can be heard more than once).

My favorite scene? Towards the end, Ross is caught, beaten up and tied to a table. Well, more correctly, his knees are tied to a table. To which Crow says, "Those guys have a lot to learn about tying people to furniture."

There is a feeling hanging over the non-MSTied movie that a whole lot of people got tricked into doing this over a long summer weekend, and when they realized what had happened, they still didn't care. This movie hates the audience, and it says so, over and over. The SOL says it right back.

THE HOLY GRAIL OF '60s B BIKER MOVIES! 2003-02-10
Hellcats is a campy classic from 1967 featuring Ross Hagen as an undercover narc who (with his murdered brother's fiancee) infiltrates a '60s hippie-biker gang to find out who killed him. So bad it's good!! The film really has a '60s feel to it, and it's worth it for you '60s afficionados to get your hands on the uninterrupted (i.e. not the Mystery Science Theater 3000) version.

The acting is bad, but the hippie/biker parties are classic. This does have an authenticity to it, as actual hippies are used, "cubes" and "Mary Jane" is frequently mentioned, ....This film laid the groundwork for Easy Rider and the hundreds of similar films to follow. "Davy Jones and the Dolphins" make a brave attempt at a psychedelic soundtrack, though THIS Davy Jones sings out of tune. The rest of the soundtrack is some over the top cartoon drama music (i.e. Batman and Crazy Cat and Minute Mouse themes).

... I give it a 10 as a classic B '60s film.

Nice DVD package of hilarious, ultra-cheap biker pic 2003-01-23
First off, this review is of the uncut, non-MST3K version. I have no problem with Joel and the �bots; I just generally prefer my cinematic rotgut straight-up, no chaser. The Hellcats inhabits the fringes of that shot-silent-and-looped, stock-music-infested, nearly plotless netherworld of such trash favorites as Beast of Yucca Flats, Hot-Blooded Woman, and Teenage Zombies. In fact, co-producer Anthony Cardoza was one of the producers on Yucca Flats, and he and Hellcats director Robert F. Slatzer later made the atrocious Bigfoot (1970). Plus, writer/assistant director Tony Houston was associated with a number of Larry Buchanan films (Mars Needs Women, Eye Creatures, Zontar the Thing from Venus, etc.) in various capacities. All of which explains a lot. The movie opens in a graveyard at the gang leader�s funeral, with each Hellcat laying a knife or chain on the casket. Ranking biker chick Sheila (Sharyn Kinzie), pulls her bra from under her shirt as her offering! Next we�re treated to some mis-dubbed dialogue between some cops before repulsive director Slatzer shows up as sleazy drug lord Mr. Adrian. (Pay special attention to the incongruous sound effects in the shot-silent scenes: e.g., a baggie dropped into a paper bag goes �thump�; a man walking through a grassy field makes an odd sucking sound.) The plot: military sergeant Monte Chapman (Ross Hagen; The Sidehackers, Mini-Skirt Mob, Devil�s 8), the brother of a �narco cop� murdered by the Hellcats on Adrian�s order, meets with some senators at an airport, then dons leather jacket, shades, and dorky Then Came Bronson-style knit cap to go undercover, infiltrate the gang, and bust the biker/dope ring, accompanied by wispy blonde Linda (Dee Duffy; Murderers� Row, The Ambushers), fiance of the dead narc. Since there�s only enough story to sustain a 25-minute episode of Dragnet, most of the time is taken up by the Hellcats (all in chintzy dime-store �biker� attire) riding their �hogs� to the accompaniment of some twangy Davie Allan and the Arrows-style bongo-rock (�The Arrows� are listed on the soundtrack LP but not in the movie credits); drinking lots of beer, then squirting and pouring it on each other; lying around, stumbling, and falling down; lots of aimless partying; some of the stupidest dancing ever committed to film; and tripping out (Biker: �You ran into a bad cube, man.� Hiney: �I don�t feel so good. Mommy! I don�t feel so good! Everything�s green!�). Tony Lorea as Six-Pack is a definite lowlight with his cheesy garb, lame comedy bits (including awful Jimmy Cagney impersonation), and particularly mortifying dancing. Hagen is sullen and monosyllabic, trading cringeworthy dialogue with Duffy such as, He: �Mama, remember the lessons.� She: �Go for the throat!� Kinzie and Slatzer deliver some of the flattest line readings this side of a Warhol movie and Cardoza appears briefly as a painter who is attacked (and his semi-nude model assaulted) by the bikers. There�s a hilarious �confrontation� between Hellcat leader Snake and beatnik-look rival gang leader Zombie, whose big motorcycle chicken run takes place entirely offscreen (all we see are the blank stares of the spectators!) and ends with a lame chain fight; Hagen is challenged to a �drag� (�when we say drag, we mean scrape�) where the contestants are stretched between two cycles rack-style and/or dragged along the ground; Mexican drug dealers (signified by Flamenco guitar music) play cards while a jonesing junkie chick pleads for a fix; and the film�s sole arty moment occurs when a woman�s scream segues into the whine of a jet turbine, a la Hitchcock! The soundtrack is as bizarre as the onscreen action, varying from lame �psychedelia� and generic frat-rock to snippets of bossa nova, harpsichord, elevator music, and even what sounds like a zither! Several horrible vocal numbers (including the mind-numbing theme) that sound like bad Kasenetz-Katz tunes are credited to Davy Jones and the Dolphins and arranged/produced by �Richard Podlor� (could this dreck possibly be the work of Richard Podolor of Chocolate Watchband, Hondells, etc., fame? No producer is credited on the soundtrack LP.) When the brassy stock music cues from Adults Only skinflick Strange Rampage pop up halfway through, anyone familiar with Johnny Legend�s Sleazemania trailer comp will be rolling off the furniture. Curiously for a biker flick, there�s actually not a lot of motorcycling until the last 10 minutes, when the gang races to rescue Monte and Linda. The Hellcats in its un-Mystied form is a smorgasbord of ineptness for aficionados of poverty-stricken grade-Z schlock; I noticed even more delicious badness on second viewing. Would make a great double-bill with H. G. Lewis�s She Devils on Wheels, with which it shares a similar non-style and crude charm. Serious biker dudes beware!
Fortunately for Mysties and bad film cultists, the source print on Rhino�s DVD is much better than one would expect for a movie of this type. The transfer is full frame, which is cool since it wasn�t shot widescreen anyway. The brightness, contrast, sharpness, and detail are fine; and physical damage is limited to only some light speckling and blemishing. Color balance is OK, if unspectacular; saturation is slightly above average for quick-fading Eastmancolor. The Dolby 2.0 mono sound is a bit muddy at times (some of the dialogue is difficult to understand), probably due to the original mix, and there is also some soft background hiss. The Hellcats trailer, letterboxed to 1.66:1, is only included on the MST3K side of the disc, but looks about as good as the feature, with reasonably good color, and only some very light speckling evident. For fans of low-budget biker sleaze, a can�t-miss package for the cash. �Easy, mama.�