Customer Reviews
A New Classic 
2008-05-25
The Cottage is a movie you will either love or hate.. I Loved it..
I'm a die hard slasher fan and of course I love blood and gore,but this movie was so funny and entertaining it didn't bother me that the killing didn't start untill the last half of the movie I still loved it.
It builds great character development and the main characters two bumbling brothers"Steven and David" are hilarious in the fact that everything they do goes wrong because they are just born losers.
Their kidnap plot goes wrong in every possible way
except they do get the kipnapee "Tracey" to the holding spot..a cottage that is "let's say in the wrong neighborhood"..
when Tracey escapes after delivering much physical abuse to the weaker and more meek of the brothers she runs to a nearby farm, that's when that slasher element kicks in..
A terribly disfigured farmer is on the loose and he not in a good mood..although the comedy elements go on through the entire film, the gore is very well done and plentiful.
It's hilarious to watch Tracey go up against the killer farmer with her tough as nails attitude.
I think this will become a classic.
I highly reccomend it.
A surprisingly gory and funny movie 2008-05-18
This movie surprised me. I have read alot of reveiws on it and they were for the most part good reveiws. I finally gave in an watched it. I was glad I did because it was very good. The story is about a botched kidnapping of a rich guys daughter by two brothers. The kidnapped girl is annoying and the two brothers are funny (one being a tough guy, the other a pure wimp). The girl eventually gets away and makes her way to the farm house next door. Unfortunatley, the man living next door is a disfigured psycho who kills people in a variety of grusome ways.
What I didnt like about the movie was that it took like an hour for the gore to start. I think that may have been the point though. The first half of the movie is a comedy and the second half is gory blood-spattered horror movie. The movie suprised me by hoe bloody it actually was. I guess thats why i liked it so much. Overall a good film and definitley worth the watch.
Brilliant dark comedy that isn't afraid to spill some blood -- and lots of it 
2008-05-12
From the shores of the UK comes yet another hilariously gruesome horror comedy that more than takes the piss out of anything Hollywood could ever come up with. That being said, though, the old cliché does apply: you'll either love it or hate it. Personally, I thought it was bloody brilliant, especially in the way it kept the dark comedy coming even after it shifts from "bumbling criminal comedy" to "disfigured madman slasher" mode. Andy Serkis is just fantastic as the heavy whose simple kidnapping plan goes horribly, horribly wrong thanks to his incompetent partners. Reece Shearsmith plays the whiny wanker to the hilt, Steven O'Donnell chips in mightily as a complete idiot, and Jennifer Ellison makes each of her scenes memorable, largely by way of her liberal use of adult language (some complain about her over-use of the "c-word," but it's not like this movie is being marketed to children, for Pete's sake). The legendary Doug Bradley also appears (all too briefly), and that's a pretty big deal to horror aficionados like myself. As for Paul Andrew Williams, let me just say that he is a great writer/director; this may only be his second feature-length film, but I would say he's already graduated from "up and coming" to the big time.
You would think the hardest part of any kidnapping would be the actual kidnapping itself, but that's already been done as The Cottage opens its doors to the audience. In this case, though, the actual kidnapping is the only thing the kidnappers manage to get done properly (or at all). Poor David (Andy Serkis) finds his plans ruined time and time again by his partner - and brother - Peter (Reece Shearsmith). Peter, unlike his brother, just isn't cut out for a life of crime, as he proves time and again. The man is deathly afraid of moths, for heaven's sake, so he's no match at all for Tracey (Jennifer Ellison) once she wakes up. The daughter of some kind of local goon, she's spit-in-your-eye and cuss-you-out tough. Once she starts holding forth in that grating Cockney accent of hers, it soon becomes clear why the kidnappers are only asking one hundred thousand pounds for her return. She strikes me as a sort of Cockney Britney Spears.
I won't go in to the laundry list of stupid mistakes that doom the kidnapping plot, but each one of them makes for great comedy. The actors work really well together, showing great comedic timing throughout, thanks in no small part to Serkis' ability to play the heavy in such a convincing manner. Much of it may be predictable, but it's still funny. Then, about midway through the film, some viewers might be wont to say that they went to a dark comedy and a horror movie broke out. The Cottage may well lose some of its audience here, as it does take its mutilation and murder seriously (in other words, there will be blood and gore), but this horror fan really ate it up. Even underneath all of the blood and body parts, the comedic elements are still there; heck, there's even a poignant little moment of brotherly bonding at one point. Of course, you've also got the proverbial dash of bitter irony thrown in for good measure, and a fairly successful attempt by writer/director Paul Andrew Williams to "leave `em laughin.'"
Some might say that The Cottage doesn't know whether it wants to be a comedy or a slasher. Why can't it be both? I would say this film knows very well what it wants to be and is very comfortable bridging the two very different genres, and that - plus the witty dialogue, great acting, and satisfying amounts of blood and gore - is what allows it to pull the whole thing off with such great élan. I had a ball watching this movie.
Home Sweet Horror 2008-07-11
Positively excellent!!!!
Let me reiderate,
This movie is magnificent!!
One of the best slasher/comedies in existence!!!
1 brother enlists the help of his bumbling sibling
to help him kidnap the tough-as-nails daughter of a local mob-boss.
They bring her back to an abandoned farm,
where everything goes dreadfully arye.
The settings are spooky,
Nothing says horror like a seemingly abandoned farm.
The characters are all lovable, and quite unforgetable,
every last one of them.
The 2 brothers are great together;
as the headstrong, calculative sibling,
and his brother the whipped, nervous-wreck.
Their abductee is a wise-cracking pistol,
who doesn't take guff from no one.
She really gets the laughs bursting from your chest,
as she single-handedly takes on both her abductors.
Their inside-man is complete dolt, a moron of hilarious proportions.
And the the local villagers are unexplainably bizarre.
The laughs are subtle, but consitent,
the gore is plentifully terrific,
and the scares are of the jump-out-of-your-seat variety.
I gotta warn you,
halfway through, this bothched kidnapping tale does a complete 180,
slaps you in the face with a cold shovel,
and becomes an old-school slasher movie,
when the inhabitant of the farm returns unannounced
to find a host of intruders on his farm.
And "Old McDonald" he ain't
If you loved flix like,
Shaun of the Dead, Bothced, Hatchet, Behind the Mask, or Severance,
get this flick immediately.
You will not be disappointed.
Watch the trailer and see if I'm lying to you.
MORAL OF THE STORY:
Old McDonald had a farm........but he traded it for an abattoir.
CRIME DOESN'T PAY 2008-06-27
Let me say up front that for me this could be one of my favorite films of the year. It offers something unseen before, twists a genre on its ear and has more laughs than most highly touted big studio comedies have offered in years. That being said lets get to the plot.
David (Andy Serkis) and Peter (Reece Shearsmith) are brothers who are attempting to pull of a kidnapping. David works for a high level thug and sees an opportunity. Peter is a milk toast who bows to the pressures of his wife and sees a chance to get ahead. Neither of them gets what they want.
The kidnapped in question is Tracey (Jennifer Ellison), a foul mouthed spitfire who takes no guff from anyone least of all two inept kidnappers. Each opportunity that presents itself to do damage to either one she takes. Unfortunately for Peter, the more inept of the two, that means he suffers considerably from beginning to end.
They hapless pair have Tracey holed up in a cottage in the country. This setting is far from anything, including people, making it the perfect place to stow the victim. Well, victim isn't a great term to use for Tracey because she pretty much controls any and everything as we progress. After a mishap with David's cell phone, he goes to town to use the pay phone. While there, he is warned by the strangest looking group of townsfolk you have ever seen to stay in his house.
The gags in this film move from sight gags to situational comedy that hits the mark every time. Toss in another member of the kidnappers who screws things up past the point of no return (and who offers a laugh that forced me to pause the DVD) and you have a great comedy.
BUT...it's not just a comedy. No, if you paid attention to the cover work on the shelf you caught a glimpse of some spooky looking character. Yes, this is a horror film as well! You get two movies for the price of one!
Eventually, do to Peter's bumbling, Tracey escapes with Peter in tow. Searching for the nearby town, Tracey leads them to a farm that at first seems abandoned. But the more they walk through, the more aware they become of an evil presence that lives there. And when they confront the grotesque figure of the home's owner, it offers a scare and a laugh at the same time.
The movie shifts into a different gear as we've changed from simple kidnap story to horror icon land. The home is owned by a farmer who went mad years ago and who now stalks the countryside. With Tracey and Peter captured, we now get to see David and his fellow cohort try to find and then rescue them. Instead, more mayhem ensues. And when the thug's henchmen get into the picture it's even more hilarious.
I know, I know, the movie doesn't sound funny at all. But that's because to reveal some of the funniest parts would be to ruin it for the viewer. Suffice to say that so much damage to one person has never been nearly as funny. It's like an entire season of FUNNIEST HOME VIDEO damage clips rolled into one person.
At the same time, the movie offers some of the goriest horror scenes put on film in some time. Enough so this movie would not be one I'd recommend for children. For adults though you shouldn't deny yourself the chance to see this funny film. Laughs and scares in equal measure make this one of the most original and best films of the year.
excellent!!!...funny / horror movie 2008-06-19
great movie was expecting much when I saw the title, but after watching it , I really enjoyed it...warning if you have a weak stomache, this is not the movie for you
Chinese...Korean??? 2008-05-29
Hey World,
Wow, one of the best Ive rented in a long time. Hilarious, entertaining, likable characters, great story, good FX, well done! What else can I say. Well worth it.
Thnx
Enjoy some blood clottage at The Cottage! 2008-05-26
With titles like Shaun Of The Dead, Severence, Evil Aliens, and Botched being sparkling examples of the horror/comedy genre AND all coming to us from Great Britain, it should come as no real surprise that The Cottage fits in so well with the rest of those films. Enter polar-opposites(and brothers) David and Peter; stuck in the middle of nowhere and involved in a kidnapping gone awry that includes a captive that refuses to go quietly, a pair of Asian assasins, an obese partner in crime that can do little right(my favorite character too), bizarre townsfolk(with a guest spot by Pinhead himself, Doug Bradley!), and of course, when things seem like they can't get any worse, a demented and deformed maniac! Now for the kind of dry humor and wit used here, you need a great cast, and Andy Serkis(The Prestige, King Kong) and Reece Shearsmith(Shaun Of The Dead, The Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy) as the lead protagonists are fantastic... whether it's bouncing quips off of eachother, or interacting with the rest of the ecclectic characters that they run into throughout the night. As far as deformed killers go, "the farmer" is a definite keeper! He's the same basic mold as a hundred gruesome, semi-retarded, cruel and twisted(with canibalistic urges) madmen that horror fans have come to expect... but he looks and acts the part perfectly, and actually features the best looking(and by that I mean ugliest) clump of flesh for a head that I've seen in quite awhile! The direction is excellent and I really enjoyed the musical score(which sounds like it was cut for a Tim Burton film rather than this); in the end, I'd even go as far as to say this is my favorite of all the aforementioned films listed at the top of the review... bold statement I know, but give it a chance and see what you think(at the worst you'll get a few laughs and a decent helping of grue). As a bonus, if you do dig the film as much as I do, the DVD features a ton of quality deleted scenes and outtakes(some so good that it makes you wonder why they were removed?) that are more than worth seeing. *VIEWERS ATTENTION* Make sure and wait until the credits finish rolling before turning the movie off... there's a nice added surprise at the very end.
