Customer Reviews
Excellent guide 
2008-01-19
Excellent guide for parents. The book gives a series of practical advice. It is honest and realistic.
Incredibly helpful 2007-08-28
I read this book four years ago, before my divorce. I credit the book with giving me a fairly level head throughout the entire separation/divorce process. The focus on how you and your ex will be joined at the hip for the rest of your lives for birthdays, graduations, weddings, etc. coupled with the authors' pragmatic advice made me realize what a long haul it was - I had to just get over all the emotional baggage and look forward to a life as a different kind of family, but a family nonetheless.
I would highly recommend this book to anyone who is having trouble in his/her marriage. My ex-husband was also willing to read it, which helped a lot. I really think this book helped me and my ex-husband figure out how to co-parent in a friendly, non-threatening way.
The Divorce Facts of Life for Parents 2006-09-30
Judith S. Wallerstein and Sandra Blakeslee choose to cover a much wider timeline within the life of the divorcing family than most divorce books have traditionally done. And, unlike other divorce books that serve up a lot of reassuring words, but not a lot of day-to-day strategies for dealing with the fallout of marital breakdown when you're doing frontline duty in the parenting trenches, What About the Kids? Raising Your Children Before, During and After Divorce spells out the very messages that kids need to hear at each stage of the marital breakdown and at each point in their own development in order to feel safe and secure.
Wallerstein and Blakeslee have adopted the same warm and highly personal style that so engaged the readers of their previous books (most notably The Good Marriage: How and Why Love Lasts). They have a real knack for zeroing in on the emotions that a parent is likely to be experiencing at any given point on the sometimes rocky path between marriage and divorce. In fact, they use the journey motif in the introduction of the book when they talk about how marital breakdown intensifies the challenges of parenting: "Parenting is always a hazardous undertaking. Much of the time it's like climbing a mountain trail that disappears and reappears, making you wonder if you're still headed for the top or if you're stranded on a cliff. But parenting in a divorced or remarried family is harder still -- it's like climbing that same trail in a blizzard, blinded by emotions and events out of your control. You have no clear path, no idea of where you're going. You may not even realize that you're lost."
If it's starting to sound like getting a divorce is life-long work, you've got that right, insists Wallerstein: "Since you have children, you're yoked until they're grown. Even then, you have to deal with graduations, weddings, baptisms, bar mitzvahs, and all the other rituals of family life....Some parts of marriage really do endure until death do you part."
Excellent book!! 2006-07-07
This book is a must read if you are going through a divorce. I only wish I had found it sooner in the process. Ms. Wallerstein uses her years of experience and training to guide parents through common reactions of children by their age. Every therapist working with children of divorce should read this and recommend this to the parents for the sake of the kids.
Be careful of Wallerstein's work 
2004-02-26
Judith Wallerstein has been amicus curiae (a friend of the court) in many custody related cases but she is certainly no friend of children who would like to have both parents in their lives.
Her research, which was presented in a pivotal custody case in California (In re: Marriage of Burgess), was very influential in the court's decision. That decision has been widely criticized and has led to countless children in the state growing up without one of their parents, usually the father. In recent amicus curiae briefs filed by Wallerstein she relies heavily on anecdotal accounts of cases in which she played no part and disregards substantial amounts of literature that highlight the harmful impact of the loss of important relationships to a child and shows that children do much better with two loving, competant parents. She has even contridicted herself on positions that she originally took in the Burgess case.
Her research has been widely criticized in recent years and this book will likely be no exception.
Informative & helpful guide for divorcing families 2003-05-28
he Unexpected Legacy of Divorce gave us new and important insight into the long-term effects of divorce on children who have grown into adulthood. What About the Kids? is a new book that tells parents in unprecedented detail how to help their children over the long haul-what to say, what to do, what to expect-every step of the way. Tapping into the latest findings on how children develop, this clearly written guidebook helps parents understand why children at different ages react the way they do to divorce and how to head off trouble before it begins. The book follows divorce chronologically so parents can find advice for whatever stage of the experience they are in, including how to help older children many years after the breakup. nPart One: The Immediate Breakup What you need to know to get your own life back on track, what to tell the children, how children react, the reasons for their reactions, and thoughts on when is the best time to divorce. nPart Two: The First Few Years Setting routines, getting legal help, choosing the right custody to fit your child, finding support, and how to realistically follow the advice 'don't fight.' nPart Three: Assessing the Post-Divorce Family Five and Ten Years Down the Road Take another close look at yourself and your kids. Divorce requires a new kind of father, mother, and teenager. nPart Four: When Outsiders Join the Family Dating, sex, remarriage, blended families, holidays, and what step-parents need to know. nPart Five: Conversations for a Lifetime How to talk with your children as they enter young adulthood so they feel safe and free to seek relationships based on love, trust, and mutual commitment. What About the Kids? is the ultimate resource for any person wishing to ease the effects of divorce on children, and for all divorced parents who want to ensure their children's future happiness.
well-written complete guidebook 2003-04-05
When it comes to the children (including adults) of divorce parents, Judith S. Wallerstein is considered the self-help guru based on the insightful THE UNEXPECTED LEGACY OF DIVORCE. Her newest effort to help families is a discerning collaboration with Sandra Blakeslee that provides a how to guide book to assist divorcing or divorced parents with helping their children survive the break up of the marriage.
The authors insist that the former spouses must straighten themselves out rather quickly so that they can be there for the children (think airline oxygen mask instructions). Infants and toddlers need immediate assistance while adapting to changes in care and nurturing. Preadolescents require empathy and the knowledge the parents will be there as they struggle with the emotional bombs of change. Teens will manipulate the guilt of the parents better than Machiavelli so provide empathy and understanding, but also remember the parent has feelings too. Even adults have issues that their splitting parents must not ignore. Other topics provide insight into the before during, after, and second marriages with a thorough index to further assist the reader.
This is a well-written complete guidebook encouraging the divorcees that with integrity they can handle the grenades their resentful, often angry children and perhaps their former partner toss at them.
If you a parent getting a divorce, you must read this book 2003-03-23
I thought this was the most helpful book I read on divorce and its impact on the kids. I have kids of different ages and there was VERY helpful information for each one of them. I would have been lost without this book. Besides the author has done research on kids of divorce for 25 years and really understands the long term effects of divorce on kids -- at every age.
Read the excerpt in the "look inside" section.
