Cinderella

Author: Gayle Goh
From: Singapore, Singapore
Age: 10
Date: 31st Jul 1999, 4:20 PM
Rating: 5
Comment:
Title: Cinderella

You Left Me With Guilt
Fiona was my best friend. We hung out together, did stuff together, talked on the phone for hours, stuff like that. She was a pretty, outgoing popular girl, with her vibrant shiny blond hair, which curled at her shoulders, warm hazel eyes, and magnetising smile. People liked her, they smiled at her and said hi to her when she passed them by in the hallway.
She was a nice girl. Maybe too nice. She was a late bloomer, a scrawny, gangly adolescent with braces and a boyish figure. But when she reached sixteen, she began to fill out, her light blond hair got its strong colouring, she got rid of her braces,and she was a changed girl.
But now all that had changed. She had changed. And because of that, my entire world had changed.
And I hate her for that.
People whispered about her in the hallway, pointing to her, laughing at her and me, her pathetic best friend. Always giggling at us, always gossiping about what terrible thing had happened to Fiona. I hated it. I hated the gossip, the speculation, and the spiteful giggles behind the hands as they passed around notes in class about us. Fiona. I hated her.
She had got me into this mess. She. She had left me in the lurch, ignoring my silent plea for help. Can't she see it in my eyes? Can't she see that look in my eyes when I want so much to grab her by her fragile shoulders and shake her hard to wake her up, out from this nightmare that we're all living in.
Wake up, Fiona! This is the real world where people don't care if you're 'sensitive'. Where people don't care when you're 'quiet'. Where people don't give a damn if you're poetic or romantic. They want you to be energetic, popular, outgoing, pretty, all the things you used to be Fiona. Used to be.
She often went with me to the playground. Sitting on that rubber swing, swinging her legs thoughtfully, looking at me through that pair of disconcerting brown eyes. Fiona was weird. Sometimes she would stop and stare at a stranger. Her eyes would widen, her mouth open in a little 'O' of horror. She would look helplessly at me, begging for help with that pair of eyes. Fiona. How I hated her.
She would talk to me. Talk to me about the demons from her past. The big ones, the huge, scary things that glared at her ominously. And the little ones, the ones that were so mischievous…dancing around her like little imps, teasing her, taunting her, mocking and insulting her relentlessly. Oh, she would talk. And I hated her for it.
She was just so weird. All that talk about demons from her past. Big ones. Small ones. Whatever. They were all just figments of her over-active imagination.
Her hair had lost its rich lustre. Now it was simply a light, feathery, sickly yellow. And her eyes, they were either dull and lifeless or hard, iced over…disconcerting, like in the park. She was pale and lifeless, her body simply an empty shell for the weak spirit trying so hard to survive inside her.
I should have smelt a rat much sooner. But she didn't give me the chance. She never talked about it. It. The thing that was troubling her. No…she had left me to deal with the guilt that came with the knowledge that you should have known this was coming, should have known it was going to happen. I hated her. Hated her with every fibre of my body. Hated her with a hatred so deep it overwhelmed me sometimes.
But that fateful day, they discovered her body in the park. Dead. The victim slit her wrists, so the paramedics said to me as I rushed after them shouting, hot tears streaming down endlessly as I sobbed hard…great, wrecking sobs shaking my body. Fiona. God, Fiona.
I found something in the park. Something I'm sure was meant for me alone. I didn't show it to anyone, it was mine. And Mine alone. From Fiona.

Dear Sarah,
Wish I could've stayed longer on earth. But I have to go now. She shouldn't have done that to me, Sarah. Hit me. Her, my stepmother. She hit me so hard while my father stood by and looked, with that stupid smile on his face. I think he must have been mad, with that look on his face. She used to scream to me, "Just go to hell," and I complied. I'm going to hell, Sarah. There ain't no other place I'm ever gonna belong in. Don't hate me, Sarah. There are too many people that hate me right now. Just don't ever hate me. Bye,

Fiona.

That was it. What she said to me before she left. But I still hate her for what she did. Hate her for leaving a permanent mark on my life.
And I'll never, never, forgive her
The End



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