A slice of my feelings
Author: Aimee
From: Brighton, Other
Age: 15
Date: 27th Mar 2004, 4:04 PM
Rating: 5
Comment:
Title: A slice of my feelings
It just hurts. The pain can be numbing just as easily as it can be excrutiating, as I can be screaming inside for it to just come to an end; to conclude. And I don't care how. When it really gets to me; when I'm smothered by this anguish and fear, I don't care what happens to me, where I go, just so long as it doesn't hurt anymore.
I want to run at times, regardless of how ridiculous that sounds- even to me. My problems don't lie so much at home. Only in school. And they are getting so much better; everyone is commenting on my progress, telling me just how well I've done. And I have. I really have done fantastically- BUT- and this still pains- it's not all over.
I thought that after I'd done what I considered necessary that it would be over. Totally. That it wouldn't hurt anymore. That I wouldn't be SCARED anymore. Yet I still am. It still hurts.
I still feel so incredibly weird whilst thinking about her. I still worry about where she might be. And when I actually SEE her. Yes, I'm terrified. But I'm still not aware as of what. What scares me? She should just be some insignificant teacher. NOT who she's become.
The past, yes it was painful, but I'm sure it's effects shouldn't have lasted this long. It's part of my illness; the way I'm still focussed on this particular thing, feeling. On 'her', almost. On the terror I feel when I see her. It's as if she can do something; something terrible. To me?
I've had my trust betrayed by her. I've had a lot of things in regard to her. I handled it equally as badly I guess. I'm not going to put all of the blame on to her. Yet she must share it. To some degree. It's obviously not her fault about how I am now, how I was. Thats my 'illness'.
I'm not sure how I feel anymore. I seemed to take a leap backwards yesterday, although I did come forwards again. I AM doing well, getting better. Slowly...gradually... I will survive. I will pull through. I'm determined to and that determination has to account for something?
XxX
A Storyteller Topic - Feelings
Feeling wonderful? Angry? Lonely? Sad? Don't keep it bottled up inside you - writing is a great way to express how you are feeling - good or bad.
Read current Feelings stories
Read past Feelings stories
Write about your feelings
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