Apathy.
Author: aimazing
From: Brighton, United Kingdom
Age: 15
Date: 8th May 2004, 5:54 PM
Rating: 5
Comment:
Title: Apathy.
Apathy can be a rare and valuable gift. To just be able to look at a situation, to be surrounded by what should pain you deeply, and to just NOT CARE, although it is far from 'right', is what can save you. It's the numbing of the pain you cannot deal with.
Then, once it happens. Once you can no longer feel, you crave to; you need to feel SOMETHING. Anything! You're sick of being numb; sick of screaming in a silence- even you can't hear yourself. The deafness helps and yet it only seems to push all the hurt deeper down inside. On the surface you're not feeling, unable to care, but deep down inside is where the softer tissue lies; where it will pain you. But although you know this, it means very little. Yet everything.
Value has little worth in your life; everything seems pointless. What does it matter if you don't do this? You live your life waiting to die. You're not living; you're not even alive because you just can't FEEL.
Love bounces off you; you don't believe it even when it's staring you in the face. Kisses, hugs- all are worthless. All lies, you think. When you realise the truth it will be too late.
And you won't be able to realise for quite some time. You're selfobsessed, yet you don't even realise it. You don't know anything anymore; and whats more you don't care. Nothing gets to you... yet everything seems to. You just want to feel something and yet you can't to feel NOTHING.
You don't understand; neither does everyone else. Yet many can relate, many know the fustration and many have survived. They don't know how they got through it; some sought help, some didn't. Others have failed; lost. Died.
They just couldn't take it; the ceaseless darkness in to which they had fallen. Not feeling, yet feeling. No logic came to them; no sense. Just pure desperation. They ended it.
Yet in order to have done that they would have had to have felt such excrutiating pain. Maybe they finally felt everything. Maybe they felt it harder because they couldn't feel it. We don't know. I don't know. No one knows.
Apathy is a gift and a curse.
A Storyteller Topic - Feelings
Feeling wonderful? Angry? Lonely? Sad? Don't keep it bottled up inside you - writing is a great way to express how you are feeling - good or bad.
Read current Feelings stories
Read past Feelings stories
Write about your feelings
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