For the best?

Author: Esha
From: Phoenix, Mauritius
Age: 14
Date: 26th Jun 2004, 6:55 AM
Rating: 4
Comment:
Title: For the best?

So much happened and it’s only now that you told me about what had been tormenting you so much. How could you ever think that I would not be able to understand you? It shows that you don’t know your importance in my life till now. It’s true that what you had been feeling was really gnawing you from inside as you could not talk to your best friend. You were finding it nearly impossible to bring out each and every of your feelings in mere words. You feared that you would not be able to express yourself and thus create more misunderstandings. You just couldn’t talk and express yourself. Perhaps you did try several times but were unsuccessful. It’s true that we got so close together for the past years, even if I realised that I shouldn’t get so ‘dependent’ on someone that I would not, in a way, be able to live away from him. We both knew about this fact but I nevertheless thought that we could let at least one relationship; our relationship, cross the limit we had ourselves set, even if we never said a word to each other. I can’t completely blame myself, nor can you. If you had told me about what you had been wanting, then perhaps something could have been done. It’s perhaps too late now. You cannot ‘rewind’ everything that happened between us and drift away from me. You can’t ask me to erase all my memories concerning you, to erase everything that I know about you and your character from my heart and mind, to think that we were never so close before. It would be pure foolishness and we both know that we are not foolish. It’s alright, I can myself understand that you do not want anyone, not even me, to discover you, your character, your feelings and thoughts COMPLETELY. I know how you feel about it. I know that we can’t unveil ourselves completely in front of anyone, however close we are, as there will be a feeling that we have lost our identity. Everyone has got his own secrets, at least a few things that he would like to keep to himself alone, not let anyone know about it, so that he could say that he still has got something he could call as his own, so that no one would ever tell him that he’s lost his identity, he’s like an open book, and if not anyone, at least a few people can read and I know that you wouldn’t like it. I wouldn’t like it too. If you feel you committed a mistake by letting our relationship go so far, I don’t think anything can be done, except that you do not do the same ‘mistake’ again. I’ve come so far but do not let anyone else to do the same, if you wish. That’s the best you can do. It might be that we will no longer be together in the future, be it in one year or ten years, but one day shall surely come where we will have to separate, and who knows, we shall or shall not meet. But why should we hurt our own feelings, get depressed and drift away from each other despite ourselves, thinking that we have at all costs to be ‘practical’. It’s a good thing to be practical but we should not misuse it or do an ‘excess’ of it as after all, we can’t change human nature which refuses to leave behind all emotions, feelings and bonds which he himself created. I do not want to lose you, I want everything like before. You might say it’s not possible but nothing is impossible in life. We can get together the same way we were before, nevertheless keeping in mind that we should not ‘move further’ in this relationship, neither ‘drift away’. It all seems hard, nearly impossible but it shall happen if we both decide that this is what we want. Who know how much time we shall get in the future to spend it between ourselves? That’s why I do not wish to do something that would later make me regret that we did not at least try. If we do not succeed, then we will at least not have any regrets that we did not try, and if ever we succeed, there will automatically no space being left for regrets. If we try nothing we get nothing. And to try means to risk failure. You are wise enough to decide what you want. Consider it as my plea as I want the best for both of us, nothing more…


A Storyteller Topic - Feelings
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