Desperate for help

Author: aimazing
From: Brighton, United Kingdom
Age: 15
Date: 25th Jul 2004, 4:03 PM
Rating: 5
Comment:
Title: Desperate for help

Sometimes you are so desperate for help; you're screaming out silently inside- or even outwardly- and yet you can't be helped. It's shattering. You don't feel you have anywhere to turn and the worst thing is that you know you're right. No one can save you from your plight; it's true that you are alone and it feels as if there is no way out.

What do you do?

I honeslty don't know. I'm stuck in this situation and although I have so much 'help' it's making so little difference. I need a way out. I feel like screaming: 'can someone just save me?' And yet it's not happening.

Someone can seriously put an end to all of this but for their own reasons they chose not to. Although I might not want to I think I can be fair enough to say that in order for them to do this they must have used their own judgement and decided against helping me in the way I needed.

It does hurt though. I can wake up and as I remember it's as if a thousand knfies are being plunged in to my body. They could pull them out but the only force them in deeper. It's agony. My insides are riddled with turmoil. I just want to be free!!! I don't want to suffer! I want a normal life.

I do know that there is no such thing are normal. There never will be but I just want to be rid of this anguish, of the 'problem' that has overthrown my life. My every move is dictated by this problem and I am so sick of it!

Yet there are so many people worse off than me. There are people whose parents are dying. I can only imagine what they are going through; it must be hell, as are so many other situations. My own situation may be hell to me and yet I know that there are worse. Why doesn't that change anything?

I would say it's because I'm selfish but I know that's not true. The reason this hurts me so badly is because it's the worst I've ever known. It's pushing to the boundaries of what I can cope with. I don't even believe I'm coping. Will I survive this?

I want to. Make no doubt about that; I do want to survive. I would love to be able to walk down the street free; to do all of the things I'm now too scared to do. I long to break free from all of this but I just don't know how to. No one seems to. So can I?

Is time really healing?

It's lasted for what seems like an incredibly long time. When it comes down to it I don't think it matters whether time will ease this or not; what matters is can I withstand it untill time does. Can I wait that long?

I don't think I can. I do need 'her' help. I am certain there is no other way. I can even admit I don't want for there to be. Now, I know this is irrational and a part of 'everything' that is ruling me, but I simply can't help it. I don't want another way out of this; I just want 'her' help.

So when I'm screaming out for help thats all I want to hear. I NEED to hear that 'she' will help for it to be okay. Untill 'she' does- if 'she' does- it is just not okay.

So please please help me. xxx


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