The man who loved beans

Author: Ole
From: , Other
Age: 16
Date: 23rd Jul 2000, 12:30 PM
Rating: 4
Comment:
Title: The man who loved beans


Once upon a time, there lived a man who had a terrible passion for baked
beans. He loved them, but they always had an embarrassing and somewhat
lively reaction on him. One day he met a girl and fell in love. When it was
apparent that they would marry, he thought to himself, "She'll never go
through marriage with me carrying on like this" so he made the supreme
sacrifice and gave up beans. Shortly after that they were married.
A few months later, on the way home from work, his car broke down and since
they lived in the country, he 'phoned his wife and told her that he would
be late because he had to walk. On his way home, he passed a small cafe and
the wonderful aroma of baked beans overwhelmed him. Since he still had
several miles to walk he thought he would walk off any ill effects before
he got home. So he went in and ordered three extra large helpings of beans.
All the way home he farted. By the time he arrived home, he felt reasonably
safe.
His wife met him at the door and seemed somewhat excited. She exclaimed,
"Darling, I have the most wonderful surprise for you for dinner tonight!"
She put a blindfold on him and led him to his chair at the head of the
table and made him promise not to peek. At this point he was beginning to
feel another fart coming on. Just as his wife was about to remove the
blindfold, the phone rang. She again made him promise not to peek until she
returned and went to answer the phone.
While she was gone, he seized the opportunity. He shifted his weight to one
leg and let go. It was not only loud, but ripe as a rotten egg. He had a
hard time breathing, so he felt for his napkin and fanned the air about
him. He had just started to feel better when another urge came on. He
raised his leg and rriiipppp! It sounded like a diesel engine revving and
smelled worse.To keep himself from gagging, he tried fanning his arms a
while, hoping the smell would dissipate. Things had just about returned to
normal when he felt another urge coming. He shifted his weight to his other
leg and let go. This was a real blue ribbon winner; the windows shook, the
dishes on the table rattled and a minute later the flowers on the table
were dead. While keeping an ear tuned in on the conversation in the
hallway, and keeping his promise of staying blindfolded, he carried on like
this for the next 10 minutes, farting and then fanning each time with his
napkin.
When he heard the phone farewells (indicating the end of his lonliness and
freedom) he neatly laid his napkin on his lap and folded his hands on top
of it. Smiling contentedly, he was the picture of innocence when his wife
walked in.
Apologising for taking so long, she asked if he had peeked at the dinner
table. After assuring her he ahd not peeked, she removed the blindfold and
yelled "SURPRISE!"
To his shock and horror, there were twelve dinner guests seated around the
table for his surprise birthday party.


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